Thursday, December 31, 2009

My 2010 resolution

First i wana thank those who had been loyal readers on my blog here and loverutheone.blogspot.com, i wished everyone happy new year 2010!! may all dreams come true.

What had i really achieved in 2009?
1) i came back from arizona on 28 march 2009 in a full piece after spending 2 years 3 mths there, i learnt alot of things and seen alot there.

2) i got my 1st car in singapore, althought i owned a mitsubishi galant and ford escort zx2 before in arizona.

3) i completed my casino course at ICG.



I have so many targets for 2010 which i wana achieve,

1) i wana lose 10kg in me, i really must, i need to have my sharp face back.
2) i wana achieve my next rank before 2010 end.
3) start a small biz selling woman products. ( be it bra,perfume,clothes,2nd hand branded bags)... because of my luck venus.
4) i wana stay happy for most of my days in 2010, and not a repeat of 2009 incidents.
5) i wana go a tour to taiwan,hongkong with friends, or a backpack tour myself to some countries that i had listed on my blog...i hope i can go france!!!!
6) continue study some art,music or language course
7) save back the $$$ that i had lost in 2009.
8) i wish i strike toto ( i know is hard but i have 104 chances in 2010 ), if i strike a toto, first i will buy a condo,second i bring my parents to las vegas and gamble, third i throw the sum of $ in bank, fourth, buy a power car for my dad and make my picanto more sporty and cute, fifth, set up my horoscope cafe.
9) build back my confidents.
10) spend times with friends that i had not meet for long time, more bbq, chalets, more ktv sessions,kopi sessions, club also can, i dun wana lose any friends, i welcomed all new friends in future to be part of my life story....those hi bye one....dun need to appear...hahhaha.....ermmmm take more pictures on post on my blog here in 2010, cause 2009 seldom have pics , cause no happy moments.

most important is be happy in whatever i do in 2010! start of 2010, im going for a confidential course which will occupy 2 weeks of my jan, feb i will be going tom yam land again for 5 weeks after chinese new year, to practice my thai and meet some thai friends.

on my birthday, i wana be happy, i wana be at marina bay sands for whatever reasons.....lolx...i want a ferrari jumbo pit crew watch for myself.

i hope sept period i can go back arizona again, cause i really miss the life there.

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 1:17 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

my end of year 2009

This year had been a bad year for me, in my 28 years of life, this year is the worst so far of all, it had past so fast this year, i remembered 1 jan 2009 i was in las vegas with kelvin,wai tuck,soong and a few other guys, clubbing at the most happening club at las vegas ,TAO. Jan, im still in vegas for some exercise, march at florida for the early spring break, i was looking forward back to singapore, one of the reason was fel, the other is to pick up my newly brought, black picanto.

Talk about my kia picanto,in the eyes of others, it maybe a lousy,no power,slow car? but to me, it is my 4 wheel, and i proudly said here, there is only 1 design in singapore,1 in the world, with the 3 red DIY fin that i had installed on my rear spoiler...the red and black design is my own design like.Seriously i dun need to buy a fast car or any power car....i just buy something that can i can afford...i dun really care when ppl tell me or asked me why buy picanto? i will just again show my "charming chuanming smile" and said, because i dun need a power car, i make the plain picanto into my own style...the one and only one in sg.

april and may period, i hang out frequent with fel,jenny and wenlin, the malaysia night supper trips is nice but fatty....end of may, also made myself very sad, the quarrel with fel...it is over, i shall not bring the past back,well,after the quarrel,i really hope can be a friend back, and we did....but i will not forget how i spent with my birthday quarreling with someone at the corridor....i will never forget how my stubborness and kindness lead to some unhappy moments.

June, i had a big break for myself, went to MTF, spend some training session with chin,gary,mc,kwang ming,eric,fabian,philip chin and low and loy....haha..still remember our psp soccer challenge league, kind of fun when we were bored....that period, i spent sometime beauty up the interior of my car.

July, the time when i knew angeline, never did i know, it is also another start of a crestfallen story....my first impression of her was she look like last time channel 5 lisa ang, throught her , i knew her sisters like jas,charlene and vivian...i have to admit she is a pretty but she really dunno how to think....i admit i did fall for her, now then i realised i like her because of not her characters, just because of her pretty, after knowing her slowly, i knew she is a problem woman, someone who went jail before because of drugs, spent sometime in girls home before, was a girl gang members, had abortion before....i like her partly maybe i really hope i can help to change her, really hope she could be a better person, stop being so drunk everytime, i even lend her $ to clear her loan sharks things which the bitch her said that she did not remember borrowing any $ from me....she said those $ i gave her myself....these words hurt me, not because of the $, just the words....i really lost trust in this person...sept period is the most close period, i really thought she changed to be a better person....but never did i know, she always act pity in order to let me help her....i know im blind, blind by the one sided love? i fucking turn off when she told me if i dun help her, she will be a social escort....i really dun want her to be one, because i care...so i keep blindly help her.

I told her, i like her now and her future, not her past.....i really hope she will changed to be a better person, find a proper job,lead a healthly life, stop being a drunkard....but im so stupid....she bluffed me all the way....actually i knew of the thai singer bf...just that im unsured....17 sept, when she bluffed that she went malaysia with her aunties and MIA, she was actually with the thai singer....till i saw them at mustafa center i was really shocked....i think that time on 17 sept is heaven giving me a warning....im so sad why she wana lie to me, why she never told me about the thai singer bf? i told her, she can dun like me, but she cannot lie to me, what am i? a friend dun treat friend like that even and these lie hurts big time.

I knew what i did was wrong by hacking her msn and wholivesnearyou with her yahoo email passwords given to me....i did that to find out the actual truth of everything,she was actually lying to me all these while...i think i treat her too good, im just very disappointed with this person, she went back to her drinking life again,and still dun have a proper job, still fling with other thai singers...all i could said....she let me feel total disappointment in her....recent after 2 months of no contact, we contact back...but again she showed me that she still the old her,we had a big quarrel....and i totally want this person out of my life, she made me feel so depressed and feel so cheated....feeling and $....$ is not everything...but again i used $ to see a true colour of a person....it is worth it...i buy a lesson for myself....

because of her, some friends are very disappointed with me, one of them is sandra, which now she totally dun wana contact me, i feel v sad and i really know who are the true friends to me now.When i sms a few friends and said byebye take care, it sound like a commit suicide sms, sandra was the 1st to call me many times and msn me, this show how a friend really care...grace told me something which made me feel very touched.....she said, " you are my shi shiong, i know u close to 10 years, tell u, no matter how many years later, even when u are 50 years old, when u need a ear or someone there for u, my hp is always there waiting for u." after hearing this, then i know how lousy i am as a friend to some others like sandra and grace.....they were always there for me....i feel so sorry.

ThIS 2009 i really forget about myself, im too concentrate on the ppl i like....i never take care of myself and love myself, when im sad, i tends to bang my anger on soccer bets and eating...that why i gain so much weight this year 10kg!....and i total lost about 30k in womans and soccer bets this year....i really learnt a lesson, big time one! and i got myself a "yellow card" at work for not passing something and at work, many shit happened to me too....a totally suay suay year for me....which is enough to kill me....i feel so sad sometimes...but i know there are some true friends beside....this second half of 2009,fel and angeline were the lead actessers in my 2009 that made me sad... andy and sandra,do thi hieu were my c0-lead actor and actresser of my life in 2009 for the second half.

nov period, i knew a vietnam gal in one of the pub, do thi hieu, she looked really like makiyo, i cant said she is a fling, because i never had any sex with her, hahhaa, but she made my nov days happy....she let me forget about angeline awhile, i made her touched on 22 nov by buying her a birthday cake and celebrate for her at east coast park....and sent her to airport when she went back vietnam....she said she like me but i totally dun believe it, because i had enough of woman lies...this 2009 , i also know 2 thai ppl, ana and titaya, ana is another player in love,but lucky im just her friend, she got the points to be a player....titaya is a beautyfiful thai lady,a chinese fanatics, which love chinese languages very much, she speak just like any chinese in sg.Not forget about cathy, the hot mama from cebu, a mum of two, still so pretty, she is really those model type....thanks for the day in june.xiao qing from china also, october period, she teaches me and let me know how silly am i....these friends i still contact with them in msn,QQ or yahoo messengers.This 2009, i gave out 3 birthday cake and recieve none, hahahaha..


My 2009 is really not a happy one, but im happy for some friends, like darren marry on 16 may,kimhung on 17 may, william in june,guoan in sept and weifa in nov....i feel so happy for them...and also jinyen, my 1st love...althought she never invite me, but im really happy for her...cause after we part in 2003, i hope we could be friends back 1 day...till now we are not....just have her in my facebook...i started my blog because of her in 2003.


Im so tired, i really wana love myself more first....ana told me, i never love myself...xiao qing said im so silly, cathy said im foolish....2010, i wana proved something!!! i wana improved my life, i want some of my dream to happen....i wana be in the envy eyes of others....i wana proved to some ppl that im not lousy!! i wana lose 10kg in me and get back to shape again! i want angeline koh wen ni to be totally out of my life!!! i deleted all the smses she sent before, i delete away all her numbers and contact.....just hope one day, she will wake up her fucking ideas.

i dun wana be a nice guy anymore,i will learn to say no to others, i want to be happy on my birthday.I want a total change in me!!! i set a target by 2010 end june, i wana see some improvements.Althougth, 2009 is such a sad year and bad luck year for me, i know life still goes on, it is just that my happy days are not there yet....i really envy so many ppl, who are marry, have own kids, own family....hahaha, i think kids will make me feel happy, cause i like to play with them.

The first thing to build back my confident is to love myself more and learn to be selfish to others, cause after 28 years, i know something, when you treat ppl too good, they take u for granted, treat u like dogs....i will never forget who treat me bad and good....one fine day, i will take my revenge, not by causing harm to them by to show them how my life is so great without them....to let them see how successful i am in future, but i know i must work hard!!! 30 will be my good real start, 28 to 30 will be the path to build by the confident level in me....friends they are many in this world, not all can keep....some are born to be hi and bye....one of them is angeline, thanks for letting me learnt this precious lesson....i eat IT this time....just that many friends i had not meet yet....i shall welcome u all in future, be my co actors and actressers in 2010,2011,2012 and more....lead one is hard.....but u need to appear before 2012, very crucial lah....u appear then i tell u the reason!

2010, there is many things to plan for...i shall blog in next entry for the final 2010 resolution...i look forward to my next 5 years of life...

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 11:36 PM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Friday, December 18, 2009

i want u out of my life in 2010!!!!

Im still in my depress mode, but im happy for someone, she is jinyen, my 1st love, the girl that i had not forget till now...i had tried my ways to be a friend with her, althought after so many years, 6 years, we had not contact, i had added her back in msn months ago and the new facebook.....maybe unknown to her, i had been viewing her facebook quite often...i guessed she is going to get marry soon.....im very happy for her, really very happy for her...actually till now....our photo is still with me all along till now.

I know she may not see this, althought she never invite me to her wedding, i still wish her happy wedding on 19 dec 2009.

my 2009 is really a bad luck year, i thought it will be a nice one once im back in sg, im totally wrong!!! this year things happened can kill me!! the incident happened with fel and lead to a serious quarrel....even a friendship is not secure....but im happy that recently we got back as friends, really friends....and im surprised she told me her mum wanted me to be her god son last time....and i dun mind....cause her mum and me can click.

I thought after fel, i should have seen throught things, and i got myself enrolled in my casino course which later i knew a few friends like jason,darren,chunyap, angelina, cynthia.....we always had our saturday dinner together....

Then came this angeline that i knew on july 2009, fel was the one who occupied the 1st half of my 2009 and angeline happened to be the one on 2nd half of 2009.....the two sadness add together is enough to kill me...i really hate the way she act and lie.

I feel so sad about it....really make my heart so numb....why my care and concern is always taken for granted and not really appreacite by the girls i like....it is really ok.....i think i had some problems too....my heart is always not feel secure, i feel loneliness.....i went to have fun with friends at vietnam pub, ktv ....actiually im not happy at all....it just occupied some of my loneliness, but i must say something true, these vietnam,thai, china friends are really somehow more true than sg girls....sg girls are sometimes really fake! it really breaks my heart for saying these....but i have to accept, it is very true.I dun understand why sg girls like to go thai clubs so much....buy garlands for the thai singers...and always get themselves so drunk....i hate to see her so drunk everytime, i hate to see those love bites on her neck, i hate myself for missing her.

I feel very sad, why am i so stupid yet??? i got cheated 3 times by this person,l i still can forgive her and treat her so good again....i gave her a chance to hurt me everytime...i feel so pain! because of her and recent thai clubs so happening in sg let me really dislike thailand anymore....i used to be in love with thai culture since 1995 when james ruangsak was singing those touching ballets, im in love with thai history.....but now i hate it because of her.

I knew im nothing to the person, i had done alot of things for her....ok i like her...i dun really wanted something back, since august 2009, i had told her i hope she changed for her own good, stop chiong night life and acting like a bitch....im a fool that let her lead me on.....when she need $ to pay off loan sharks....i will lend her....cause i dun want her to be stress....but she had been lying to me alot of things which later i found out myself....which later she told me that she did not lend anything from me, just that im willingly to pass the $ to her....i have no IOU....it makes me feel very sad to hear these words....it is not the $ that hurts, is the words and trust from a person.

I hate myself for letting all these killing me.....im so tired....ana from thai,xiao qing from china,valen,sandra,andy,junwei,ivy,felicia knew all these stories about me recent....i did not blog here, cause im really sad....my heart is so tired....felicia even joked me and said im not fair, cause i treat angeline better than her....i scolded felicia, cause i told her i got cried cause of her and not for angeline....but i feel like ending my life when 2009 is coming to this sad end.

Thanks wanli for that last min introduction to subramania astrological, which later i knew that my life is going to be suay for 7.5 years since the age of 23, which is very true, my moon is weak, so i always feel not confidence, serangoon shifu and that lady that had read me in 2006 all said same thing, when im 30, my life will be successful.I hope so....all predicted the same, all told me under 30 cannot have love, or love other ppl, if not i will be the suffering....3 ppl said same thing...i cant dun believe.

2003 jinyen 1st love break my heart cause of 3rd party, 2004 carlin, we "together" for few hours till she break the news to me that she want to go back to her ex gf,which later we become good friends, 2005 amy, the pretty model gf who 1 leg step on 3 boats, 2006 was a break for me but i somehow fell for a fling name rain,2007 i was in arizona, peipei the east meet west feeling which make me heart break, 2008 it was julie, i admit im at fault in these, i had a affair with someone's wife, 2009 happened to be my friend, felicia which i dote so much on and then 2nd half was angeline which i had help her alot in terms of $, and hope she changed to be a better person, she disapppointed me many times and lie to me many times and yet i still forgive her and treat her good.

since 2003 to 2009, im numb!!! 7 years of unlucky love life....is it another 0.5 years to go? subramania's daughter told me my love had not appeared yet, she will appear in 2010 or 2011, i laughed and told her, i just hope.

Im seriously tired of all these years...even i fling, i treat all flings good....for example....just like that vietnam cais do thi hieu 2009 and sassy in 2006...

I wana revenge!!!! as i told myself!! i wana build a better life out of myself, i wana love myself more!!!i want a make over of my life, i wana prove to all these ppl im not lousy....i want my life to be successful after im 30....i want to have a happy own family, caring and understanding wife, with 4 kids, hopefully i can work hard and buy a condo or a house when im 36, stay with my parents.....happy family....my future kids will be my motivators...

That lady in 2006 told me something, she told me dun try to change someone in future, and the person if im not wrong is angeline, cause in this half year, i always hope she turn over a new leaf....she did not..yet disappointed me again and again...

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 4:21 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The recent me
I knew i had not been blogging for the past 2 months, peeps and readers had been msn, tell me or even call me why im not blogging? some said my life stories is so bitter sweet sometimes, interesting and so down to earth, so heart wrenching sometimes.

Recently i had been suffering with some depression myself, i did not went to a doctor,but i just let days passes me by....lucky this period, i had a few friends that is with me, my "doctor" sandra whom i had always pour out my sorrows to, recently i made her damn angry....im really sorry....andy lim c s, is another bee domes brother that had heard my stories this few months...who had been with me when work and our night outings...this china friend, xiao qing who had went back china for good, lend a very good listening ear to me, ana ,the thai sweetie, we still contact through phone.Jun hao, another brother that had been out with me these nights...

another person is this vietnam girl, with the name of Do thi hieu,i knew her from a pub in one of my night outing, she look like someone, the japanese that based in taiwan, makiyo, she really look like her.....i celebrated her birthday for her on 22 nov 2009, i surprised her with a birthday cake and went to east coast park to celebrate with her...i made her feel touched that night....that period of time, we were like in "love", i went to that pub find her with my bros most of the time, she will call me every afternoon and even when she is in vietnam now, she sms me sometimes and call me.....she said she like me, i asked her why? because she said im a good guy...said im cute...and i hate this word cute....mentioned by girls to me...im the one who sent her to airport on 3 dec, help her pack her luggages.....i think i only treated her as a replacement for angeline, when i feel lonely, she appeared...

i feel very sad, it is not the $ she own me i feel sad....is the trust i had for someone, i feel cheated when she told me she went to bali and chiangmai with her auntie but she actually went to thailand and find the thai bf....i knew i did a bad thing, i hacked her msn account and wholivesnearyou account, and by that i found out everythings about her....she actually let the whole world knew that she had a thai bf except me, im the last one to know everything....did she forget about the birthday celebration for her? the 27 birthday presents for her which i had gave 9 to her first before she left for thailand.

when she came back, she used another msn account to add me and use another hp number to send me and thank me for wishing her happy birthday on 18 oct...i did not care about her, i was damn pissed off with her...why she bluffed me all these long....but i actually miss her...we had send each other some offline msn message and never really talk in msn or even sms, till recently...i sms her one of the night....she asked me if i could fetch her home at 3am from somewhere, i agreed....she was with shalene, her god sister that i knew some months ago....they went drinking...i meet them for supper...she is that drunk again, just like the same i knew her since july....once inside the car...she clinged her arm to me and sayang my neck and told me it had been so long she last seen me....i actually "hate" her so much, but i dunno why i wanted to see her....i just feel very sad for her....she never changed...again she still jobless, still like to drink and chiong thai disco....i thought that september period , she will really turn over a new leaf, that is why i trusted her again and wanted to help her....but she let me down again and again.


just last saturday morning at 5am, she sms me and asked me where am i? i just woke up from sleep, she asked me if i can fetch her and bring her go eat supper? she was at thrust, i went to find her, she is that drunk again....when im driving, she lay on my shoulder and hold my hand and tell me im still the guy that treat her so good....she told me everything why she lied to me about that thai bf,cause she could not bring up to me and tell me the truth, she is scare,she told me she had broke up with that thai, cause she knew he just make use of her? she told me she read my blog and found out how i wanted to celebrate her birthday for her, bring her to singapore flyer and these...we went to buy mcdonald breakfast and ate inside my car...she still remember the things i told her last time....she told me she want me to re celebrate her birthday for her on sunday....she even put a promise that she will make the day for me.... i sent her home and out of the lift...i hug her tight...i said im sad...i asked her why she wanted to lie to me all these long.....she cried and said sorry....she really did not mean to hurt me these long...she told me she feel very touch last time for the presents i gave her, cause every present there is a meaning in it,every present i had a note in it.....i passed her the rest of the presents that i wanted to give her last time that day.

She really let me feel so heart wrenching！！！I really feel so sad because of her, sunday i prepared everything, i brought her a very belated birthday cake, i booked spore flyer, and i even wanted to buy a bouquet of pink roses for her which i later changed my mind cause at 1230pm , she sms me change the meeting time to 3pm and then 6pm, i agreed, at 230pm, she sms me and told me not meeting, she very tired and never sleep for the last night...i was damn pissed off, again she break the promise...i guess she not interested to meet me...she asked me to call her at 6pm....in the end we did meet....but the meeting was not a happy one i guess....the spore flyer ride was a boring one...she was sick i knew...not a single picture taken...there was one when we entered the flyer, a shot by the crew member....but she even not interested to take a look at it....went brewreks for dinner...after that she wanted to go home....i knew she was sick....she kept quiet through out the trip home....i asked a few times if she wanted to see a doctor....she reply no..until when we passed amk ave 5 on CTE, i handle out a birthday card i had prepared for her and told her i actually brought her a birthday cake.....to my sadness, she said she dun want the cake...but i really insist she to have that cake...cause she complain to me that day, on her birthday, she had just a small cake...i sent her to her door step...and pass the birthday cake to her.


I knew im a fool...the other day, i wanted 1 hour plus for her under her block...but she never wanted to come down...i guessed i had enough of her, but i know i miss her, that period of september is gone, when i miss her, at the moment, her sms will appeared in front of me...it really that zun! 8 times on september...when i think of her, she will sms me what am i doing? or sent me good nite message....i really hope she turn over a new leaf....find a stable good job, stop drinking that much, a leopard really cant changed its spot....im really very sad, althought these months i had been acting a smiling face in front of all at world, cause i never put my emotion in work, i can handle what is work and sadness...but sometimes i really feel depressed at work, im not happy at work also...and my personal love is so sad and bad luck this 2009...it is the most bad luck year for me....the first half of the year, i was sad cause of felicia, then angeline occupied the 2nd half sadness of me, actually 2 case is about the same, same as in, i treated both very good, not same as in, felicia did not bluff me anything but angeline did...and i cried over felicia and i did not for angeline....but 2 of them add together really made me think of a suicide weeks ago.

suicide mind really came across me around end of november and start of dec period....but i knew i just cant do it...why suicide? because im tired...my effort in things i do always get mistaken by girls....my work is so sianzzz...i hate it, i just miss the life i had in arizona....

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 2:03 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Thursday, October 01, 2009

I never love myself before

Again i extracted this part from loverutheone.blogspot.com, during the Absent of angeline, i meet a few persons, like xiao qing from china, ana from thai, my doctor , sandra and also the secondary school teacher, ivy that had been in my msn list for over a year yet we seldom chat....recently we just hang out together.

Ana is a funny thai girl birthday just 1 day before angeline on 17 oct, on ana birthday i met her again, she told me something sad for what? think of future! she told me something that day, she think we can clicked and become very good friends for very long, she gave me her thai number, asked me call her when free or go thailand find her, she will bring me pray. Ana called me a few times and asked how am i?

Xiao qing, give me a name, she call me 傻傻的。xiao qing told me something very right, no matter what, even own good friends, cannot 100 percent trust ppl, dun pity ppl when it comes to $, $ is a very sensitive issue, cause it really makes someone turns ugly....this girl told me althought im older than her, the salt she ate is more than the rice i ate, hahahaa....

ivy, she is really kind of a good catch for anyone that is single, she drives a car ( same model as me, lolx ), work as a teacher, teach secondary english and history someone.She is single, pretty and cute.....she is a happening teacher, a teacher that clubs often and smoke, hahaha....since august we had been contacting throught sms and msn....but unknown to us, we had been in each other msn for 1 year plus....my first date out with her was a dinner at katong hongkong cafe then ktv at oriental plaza just beside berry thai pub where used to go with angeline.
she is really a good singer, that day we sing in hall, she really let me see her power, she sing so well in chinese, let me think of fel, fel sing very well in english.....both are the power pack singers....ivy asked me sing duet with her, i told her any duet as long as in chinese i know, cause im good in it...hahaha.

The most funny part was once i went club with ivy and her sisters at lunar, her best friend thought im her colleague, thought im a teacher too...kris said im a PE teacher.....the sisters commented me said im a nice guy, i really hate girls saying im a nice guy, cause so what nicee, always get treated badly by ppl esp girls.



I had not been blogging in cmstory.blogspot.com since 27 aug 2009, the month of sept is a sweet month for me, because i began to trust her again, meet her a couple of times in the month of sept...so easily i began to trust her again,she just need to mention something, i will take note of it....just like a memo pad.

im very sad, once again i lost trust in her....now even as a friend....but i told myself it is part of life, after what happened with felicia during april to may period....that was the first time i cried this year, cause i was really very heart broken....again history repeat again....im at fault by treating ppl nice, what sandra and xiaoqing said is the truth about me.

xiao qing mentioned that i always fall but fall half way only.....im too persistant and strong will, my stubborness lead the half way fall me,this 2009 is really a bad year for me, i had not been happy in love life,$$$ and work too....so fast ,nov and dec coming....im human, i also like surprises and happiness...but i knew i will not get ...i always need to learn from my own lessons, but seem like im not learning.....ppl really take my kindness for granted.

At work, im now hanging and choosing if im going to sign for life or cross over to the casino line, im still considering, in love, it is like forever bad luck since 2003, $$$ now im in a crisis, im in debt myself after helping ppl so much, now i dunno how to help myself...since starting from jan till now, i asked myself, have i ever dote myself or buy anything i like for myself, the answer is NO.I keep buying things for ppl i like, alone felicia, i had spent a big hole, what i got in the end? not even a friendship left...now miss A .....well i never blame on them....it is myself who wanted to dote on the ppl i like.

My thai friend that born on 17 oct, Ana told me, she said i never love myself at all, she said have to love myself and dote myself first then love other...i guess what she said is right....i never love myself at all.....i always think for the person i like and love first....willingly to do unconditional things for them....but i never know that kindness will not be paid.

I really hate liar.....it make my heart so weak....maybe these life experience made myself grown up, emotionally i had to strengthen myself by all this unwanted hurt, maybe i had to thank these persons that appeared in my life....they made me realise that life is really not an easy road....as xiao qing had told me, althought she is younger than me, but the things she seen in life and play before is surely more than me...

so what you are romantic and can plan the most surprises date or birthday to the person you like or love? the most important thing is, love are you the one to the person?

april, bangkok chao praya river cruise that i had plan for felicia, that 2 hour candlelight dinner cruise is so romantic, but to her is just a normal cruise plus motion sick.

the never happened, birthday celebration that plan to give the 27 present at 3 different location also never happened....the art piece that i had made feel so wasted..

i feel like crying, i feel so tired in my heart....now i really believe what the shifu told me about, the lady that told me before, be careful of woman and $....and serangoon shifu also told me the same thing this year may....careful of $ and the woman that is going to appear in my life.....now i strongly believe them.

Sometimes i really feel so alone......i need a holiday....i may leave singapore and settle down somewhere for a period of time....now i had made my choice, i will leave my current job for sure, even thought the pay is so stable that i dun need to worry about anything...but i just want my freedom.....i want to get out of the "square box" that felicia once told me, the only way is set myself free from current job.

All i wanted in my life is happiness, not $, $ to me is not important at all, if i can use $ to see a person heart, it is so worth it....$ made people look so ugly sometimes....

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 11:28 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Saturday, September 12, 2009

SEPTEMBER BLOG

I know my peeps had been wondering why i had not blog for close to 3 mths? cause im busy and too sad to blog about what happen recent...i actually did pen down a few entry at loverutheone.blogspot.com .This coming entry is actually extracted from loverutheone.blogspot.com where i wrote in there about mth of sept.

"坦白的坏人，还是放手的好人?



17 sept when i was on my way to mustafa center to buy her birthday presents.....i saw her, but i was really surprise to see her with the thai guy that she introduced me at the thai pub....i hear her calling him darling from far....suddenly i feel so depressed....i walked over and tap her shoulder and asked her, why she never got to malaysia? she had told me she went to malaysia with her aunties for a couple of days.....but i saw her there....when she told me she not going anymore and the thai guy is going back soon.....i just smile and turn back and walked away.....while i was walking away....i dunno why i feel sad.....sad cause why must she lie to me?

2 oct , she lie again, she told me her auntie is giving her a surprise, she brought her air tickets to bali and chiangmai for her coming birthday......she did not have enough $, again i lend her some.....after that i found out that she actuaally went to thailand and spend 3 weeks there with the thai bf.i knew she just treat me as a friend, but why must you lie to a friend? she can tell her other friends and family members she going to thailand to meet her thai bf.....why cant she tell me the truth and wanted to lie to me? she made me feel that she is using me.....im so sad.....she let me down once by cheating me and using me before...i trusted her again....but now again, she let me down.....she make me feel that only when i lend her $ then im a friend to her.

She knew i treat her very good, i knew love cant force.....but why must she lie? i told her before, i can accept anything about her, even that she went girls home, went prison, abortion before.....i like her now and her future but not the past...i dun mind.....i knew i cant give her whatever she wants.....when i know her costmetic used up....i offer to buy her new one.....when she no $ do hair....i treat her.....when she wanted new clothes online....i one time buy her 7 piece from whatladieswants.com .... when she is sick, i bring her see doctors a few times, when she say she hungry, i brought porridge for her or order online fast foods for her....when she told me she not using her mum hp anymore....i got her a hi card and top up 128 for her with my hp. i knew all i did is on my own will, she never forced me to do it.

She told me before, she have her choices, there are so many guys around.....she cant promise me that she will be with me in future.....i knew that....i understand.....even be friend, why must there be a lie? the 27 present i prepare all really got meaning.....i gave her 9 of them first before she left for thailand.

i felt so hurt when i knew she actually bluffed me and told me that her auntie wana give her surprise....and brought the tickets for her....but she actually had planned before hand the trip.....she just need to say she is stress and i knew what she stress about....it is all about $....she jus need to hint something....i will fall into her "trick" and offer to help her....i wonder did she wonder that how much i had help her?


she once told me when she was drunk, she had a thai bf but nothing, she likes me a little....she asked me to give her sometimes....she knew i treat her good....now i believe what she said when drunk.....but i knew she never really like me before.


she will never understand the hurt i had....cause all i wanted is to let her be happy...if she can be happy with the thai guy....i wish her the best.....but all i can say, she made me lost the trust in her again even as a friend.....i wonder what am i to her at the 1st place? a friend or someone she playing as a toy? i feel so sad as i wrote this, i maybe jealous of the thai guy...but if i know she happy....i should be happy for her.

All my care and concern are just secondary and not primary....the birthday celebration i planned for her shattered....when i knew she will be away for 3 weeeks....the leave i took are wasted.....when i told her this...she told me maybe i was not fated to celebrate with her....this hurt me......she asked me to wait for her to come back.....i say i will...

when i was browsing my email and saw someone email me a website to let me see who blocked me in MSN....i was shocked that she was actually one of them that had blocked me in MSN.....i was so crestfallen to see that.....i asked myself again, what am i to this person? im not even a friend at all.


Everytime before i went to sleep, i was so looking forward for her sms, there were a few times, when i think of her, at that moment, she would sms me goodnite.....when my hp beep! beep! everytime, i was hopping the sms sent would be her....im so easily please by her....when she send me sms, im so happy....it actually brighten my tiring day at work....

你是好人 也是個壞人
對我坦誠，只爲了朝他狂奔

.............

我知道，在你的眼里，我只是一个"朋友"，但你知道我的痛吗?

容忍的人其实拼不笨，只是宁愿对自己残忍，既然爱不愉温，祝福就给你下一个人，

你是好人，也是个坏人
對我坦誠，只爲了朝他狂奔

不能放任，所以放了
这点痛我还能忍

宁愿爱 一点不剩
也不忍 看恋人变成路人 "

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 11:20 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Thursday, August 27, 2009

roulette week

i had just started the roulette table this week, had been learning how to spin the ball, jason teach me a method that is more easier to hold on the ball against the roulette wheel.....i miss monday lesson due to my guard duty....tuesday suppose to meet someone for a meal and movie, but it end up disappointment....smses were not reply....i did not brother to call the person, cause i knew if the person is still interested, she will call or replied back....so i just went into my coma and sleep for hours on my tuesday rest.


wednesday and thursday, i went for my school, i just finished my barcarrat game, now im learning roulette table, combined lessons with my seniors from batch five...alot of ppl, very hard to learn.....but darren,cynthia,jason,chun yap,elvis and me still stick within our group .... kc and ken joined us.....they are from the new batch eight.....roulette is more interesting as it invloves more mental calculation plus memory of numbers, which is my fav!!! it is quite challenging....we have to memorise the bets and the pattern of the bets....our roulette teacher is mr Neal, strict teacher, even our break he control...haha...cause he dun want us to miss any small details about roulette....cynthia,darren,chun yap and jason keep de siao elvis said he got the roulette face....we keep changed the pattern of the betting chips, then test elvis the payment. Our young sister, angelina miss all 3 lessons this week,last week, she told me and chun yap that she is going back suzhou to visit her family....i really enjoyed with my class, sometimes we play small joke on each other....like how we de siao elvis...then they always de siao me, say when i sms or recieve any sms, my chipping skill will up level, just because im faster than them, hahaha...

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 7:23 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}