Saturday, June 28, 2008

bookworm cm

Recently i had been spending my free times on books rather than gambling, im numb on the casino tables and fear my "ang tiong" "peh ban" and "huat zai" brother and sister on mahjong table, lucky had really not coming towards me but against me....i always believe when a person is suay, he is very suay....yes, that person is none other than me, mr cm yeo.

Abused myself on gambling to forget her, i paid a price of 3k usd in 1 month where what i gamble i lost on what, suay is the word! well i accepted it! cause i always believed, if you wana gamble must be willingly to lose....I fear it now,emotional affected by what happened recently and yet $$ flowing out from my pocket holes.

I went back to my books on horoscope and numberology as i read more in deep about how planets in the universal affect the stars constellation and i also brought 2 new books about feng shui, i always believed in feng shui, just that im not into it and not an expert in it....cause im just more into astrology and stars.AS I read more in deep in feng shui, i learn and found out many things that could let me link to horoscope.

It IS NONE OTHER THAN ELEMENTS! earth,water,air,fire and wood, these 5 element in feng shui, 4 of them got to do with horoscope....base on the ba kua - yin and yang sector and by the date of birthday and year of mine...i found out that im a eastern person base on the reading from it....the best position for me sleeping peaceful in the night, i had to place my head on the south direction.( hahaha! that is why, recently i brought a compass from bx)

In my chinese character name - i lack of a element, that is water...a person need to balance up the 5 element in one, that is not easy....there are also more to learn....recently im also reading a book by adam khoo - Master your mind,design your destiny.A book i brought in 2006, but i thrown aside till now then i read it, hahaha.

As i read further, i became more interested in feng shui, esp casino's feng shui, it plays a play in feng shui....as i read further, i found out 2 things, 1 is qilin and the other is pi xu...these 2 "animals" are lucky charm that can help to expand luck and absorb unlucky stuffs. Peoples used feng shui in biz, career and family.

Just an important advice for couples, never place any flowers inside the bedroom, it will create "tao hua" and make the couple quarrel alot, never place a tv or mirror in front of a bed....it will reflect and shows a third party into the life.

It is really interesting, yin and yang really plays a part in life, right now, my room really got alot of yin...i knew it...i will need to re arrange my room so that i could allow the yang flow in more.....faster clear away my suayness!

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 12:07 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Friday, June 27, 2008

Actually forcasted

These days, i have been living like a zombie, i work as hard as i can in the hot summer, just do whatever been task to do, i just wana past my time fast and dun wana think of other things especially her...i can say im at the one of the worst suay and down part of my life now,this thing that happened recently really affected me.

But i knew i must go on with life,im human, i have feeling, so please pardon me for writing some sad things here.I dunno why i just feel that everyone around me is so scary....there are lots of plastic ppl around, you never knew who is real and who is fake.This is surely a changing point of my life now, im not young anymore, the recent things that happened made me grew up a little and accept life.

It brings me back in 2006 oct where that lady predicted my future and told me the importance of 2009, now i slowly believed what she said, till now that piece of A4 size paper still with me, she wrote about my future....she predicted that i will go oversea to work for a period of time, this came true, she also said something will happen towards the 3rd cycle of my 9 years life which is 27 years old after 12 may my birthday....yes, the thing she told me is "tao hua" .

One month had gone, i still dream of her,memories of us still haunt me....i remembered there was once where we sleep and wake up at the same time...we had the same dream, the dream was about god came to me and told me "she" is god sent to me, and i was very happy...in her dream, she also mentioned that she dream me very happy, i pass her a envelope, inside it was god written that "she" was sent to me.

How "zun" is it? she was just sleeping beside me when we had the same dream....but now i knew, maybe is god sent her to me, to teach me a lesson in life? I had to tell myself everyday that im just a shadow of albert in order to make myself forget her, the absence of him, and i was there for her....in her life movie, im not actually the lead actor but the co-actor....im just a guest actor that acted in a few episode in her life drama...yeah we fall in love in a short time,and we ended fast, maybe the director(fate) thinks that im just good enough to act till that last episode of her....the director(fate) wants me to concentrate on my own life movie and continues to search for the "actual" lead actresser of my cmstory movie.

No one can heal my wound except myself and time, im slowly recover from the deep cut over the left chest, yes, i myself poke in too deep that blood came out unknowningly to me, cause im numb. I dun blame her seriously and does not hate her at all, for my foolish actions that i did was to make her anger in order to take a revenge on what she had done to me and made her even hate me more, so that we will not cling on to each other even more further.She never knew that what i had done to her, i got the double impact hurt on myself...because i still care and concern about her.I look at my hp everyday, the foolish me thougth she would sent a text to me in hp like the past, but i knew she would never anymore.

Im shattered when she told me those cruel and hurtful words over the phone that time,i was lost just like in a desert where every direction looks the same to me.Im slowly picking up bit of pieces of me and form back the jigsaw puzzle of myself and tell myself that she is not going to be that missing piece.

I plot the birth chart of her and albert, and i had to admit and tell myself that gemini and libra are the better match.....we attach and glue to each other because of our planet, venus......venus is the ruling planet of libra and taurus.

I want to make this as the turning point of my life, be it karma of the past that im paying now or anything else, i will continue to live a better life and i want to improve my life, i will work hard in life in order to achieve my goals....i will still be the good guy to everyone, but i knew there are plastic ppl around,when i talk to plastic ppl, i will turn myself into a wood. Hahaha....i believe director(fate) will be fair to me......one day, i will get the best actor award! but i knew i must work extra hard after 2009! If i have the chance to open horoscope cafe, i make sure i make it successful and well known in sg first then south east asia....it is not easy, plans have to come way long, no big words for now, wana do big things, first must know how to be a humble person.....give me chance,give me $$$,give me some fate ppl, i will make it happen!

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 10:49 PM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Forgive and forget

Time is really a curing machine for the broken heart? i believe it is, learn to forgive and forget, as i grow up, i learnt from human beings around me, hate and love? how long you want to hate someone? how long you can love someone? it is only a life time.

i regret my actions in displaying our pics in friendster and showed to her friends, i purposely DID IT in order to anger her, i take it as a revenge tool for what she had done to me...but now i think throught...i ADMIT im in wrong for that nasty act.But honestly in my heart, i still cannot forget her,i still hope she is well.I deliberately viewed albert profile and wanted him to view me back, so that he could see the pics of me and her....how wicked am i? yes i am, i even message albert to catch his attention....how childish am i...the only thing i never did is to tell steve about us, if i did, this will surely ruined her life and future.I never want to do that to her, it is too much...but what im angry at, she challenged me to do that....is like throwing a red cloth at a bull (taurus).

Peoples around me that knew this story of mine told me, im really too nice to her, she knew that,cause she did tell me before she feel gulity....but right now, we are over...i really never think that we ended in this heart ache plus angry mode....i learnt what is forgive and forget....remember the Jboy and Jgirl stories i wrote here back in 2007 august and sept period? recently Jgirl viewed me in friendster, i replied her with a message smile....she replied me back in a mail and told me she did not expect me to send her a message, she hope im well....i already forget what had happened last year sept....1 more friend is better than a enemy right?

What happened recently, i really did cried and feel very sad....because i had really fall in deep...i believe she did too, but we are in wrong,because her status is married.Im forced by her to treat her as a enemy now, which i dun want to! i still hope she is happy with her life, and everything goes smooth and good for her....i hope she will be good to steve, althought i knew there is no love between them.It is so fake whenever im with her, and she told steve over the phone that she loves him.All these are not my problem, just hope she is well.

I still miss some of our moments, she knew that i like to play the toy catching machine, everytime we go out, if we see a machine at anywhere, we will use up our dollar notes to catch those bears....everytime i won a bear, i will give it to her. What i miss most is chatting with her in yahoo messenger, i already deleted her contacts from me,so that i could move on with my life.She never cheated on me, she had been telling me many things, from the start i knew, i knew everything, i just hide everything away and wanted to make her happy.

Maybe im right from the start, im just a shadow of albert, what she had been missing is him but not me...my character and appearance just seem to be like him...so she fall for me easily...althought she had done so many hurtful things to me, i still never regret meeting her here....fate really bring us together and meet here in arizona...but fate also want us to end fast so that we can continue and move on with our life.

I just hope 1 day, if there is a chance, we will have a chat again in yahoo or in a mail.The chance is less now,cause for the act that i had done to her, i believe she hates me, she scare of me ruining her family and everything, that is why she did not want to keep in contact with me anymore. My conscience is clear, what i treat her from the start till now, only she knows! i always do things to make her happy and i get the hurt....what is over is over...i knew no point to take any credits of anything.

After her, i dunno why, many filipino friends added me in friendster, all i dunno them....no one could ever replaced her in my heart for now...she just wrote a piece of history in me.

She would never knew how i felt,how crestfallen am i when i was alone 2am at canada exercise,in the crew room, i was crying and writing about the stuffs of us....how my tears fall like waterfall....they are so real and beautiful but only i know.

Thanks william and kelvin and malcom for that period of time comforting me, i really had a bad 2 weeks of stay in cold lake,canada.

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 1:15 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

clear off mind

Im tired of everything that happened recently, the avoidance from her really hurt me deep.Later then i found out that she love albert the most, i knew from the start she had never forget him, consider myself a fool when i knew she had a husband she dun love at all and have a bf back in cebu but she still with me.Im not even in the subs list in her football team, im just a "ball picker" maybe.

I knew my acts on revenge on her seemed nasty, i dunno why did i done that to her? i lost my mind because i just feel so hurt and dun understand why must she do that to me? all she can do is tell me face to face, and we will have a clean break...i knew we will never get back together, it is impossible...i was thinking of become a friend back, she choose not to.

Once and once she broke my heart, when i saw her friendster and a new friendster profile she created for her and albert where she put their pics together and she viewed me and wanted to me to view her back.....albert is her bf back in cebu.Im hurt but im happy at least i knew the real love she wanted is albert...but the question came to myself and asked what am i to her these 3 months?

We did spend some happy moments together, the memoires is really unforgetable for me, im sad we had to ended this way and not even a friend anymore, our status now is worse than a stranger...she totally does not want to have any contact with me.I have seen clear in everything, i understand....my revenge on her by putting pics of us in web shows that im really in a angry mode...my nasty act on her, im really lose of mind, i had mental breakdown myself, the only person i told is kelvin, she always appear in my dream.

As time goes by, i already accepted we are over, i had never think of become a friend already, i deleted most of our pics and videos we took, just left the very first pic we took in my car...left this beautiful memories there.

Im really in a suay mood, i lost 2.5k in casino after her, i lost 700 usd in mahjong in 2 weeks, how suay more can i be? i believe my lucky days will come soon, i will just wait....right now, i just wana save as much as i can and go back sg...leave this place that had bring nice and bad memories to me.I still hope the best for her,i hope she is well, but i dun wana know anything about her anymore....the path we walked together is just there from 19 feb 2008 to 12 may 2008...thank you, julie.

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 2:26 PM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Confusion mind

I still have vivid memories of her, it really haunt me so much, when in my room, my bathroom, my car and everywhere we had been before....it reminds me of her.It still hurt me so much why she wanted to do those things to me and avoid me.Then needle that pierce throught my heart is still there, ithas not been removed since the day she left.Many ppl have talk to me, asked me to move on with life,i knew i must.

I keep asking myself why? why? why? until my mind is numb and tired...how i wish i could leave arizona now,i have 9 months more here...i had sold my car in a super "lugi" price, partly is because of her, i want to forget her....i hope sept i could move out of my apartment to another place to stay.

Sometimes i feel like i wana call her so much,but i tell myself i cannot, so i would just sent a gd night message to her....i really need to move on, it is the fact that she is married to a person she did not wanted and not love....but all these are not my problems, i had to tell myself...to her now, im just nothing....im not even a friend....she wana avoid me and does not even wana be a friend to me.I agree with what incik yip told me, it is just passing pain, but it is still pain now, time will heal me...i be strong again.

i called my mum and sister back home, it has been sometimes since i last call them, everything is well at home...i did not tell the thing happened to me to mum, but my sister knew....i just dun want her to worry about me....im old enough to take care myself and be responsible for my actions.

9 more months, i really wana enjoyed as much as i can here in this kantang land, and go back to my small island in south east asia, and i miss tom yam land....i miss my family and friends back home.

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 12:38 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Online blogger - me

Being a blogger for years, i seen throught many blogs, recently i found out that my blogs are catching eyes from europe, ppl from sweden,switzerland,france and greece had been viewing my blogs, asian countries like philippines,thailand,malaysia and singapore are still the same,sometimes i have viewers from japan and south korea.

I recieved news from nuffanger that another advertiser is choosing my blogs to advertise again, both on cmstory and loverutheone.blogspot.com .... thanks so much.

Well, this is the place where i can really pour out my innermost thoughts and feelings, someone told me before, my writing is so "life"....yeah it is all about my naive life, how i grow up from a boy to a man....the process of growing...i will continue my blog as usual, hopefully next time i could post my future wife and babies photos here...hahaha

sincerely here, want to thank my pool of supporters these years, thanks for supporting this blog.

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 5:14 PM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}

Friday, June 13, 2008

Net is down again

Im at bx alone now using the free wireless net with my small cute asus white mini laptop....my internet is down again at home.

It has been 1 month since i had last saw her, the last day we met was on my birthday 12 may, the day she promised me that she would spent with me.I recieved lots of comforting messages from friends that ask me to go on with life.YES! No matter what i have to accept it that we are really over, so what i miss her? we are not going to get back....i have think alot after we parted these days, i think when i sleep,when im alone, when im driving and when im cleaning big bird body.

I just realised that i had lost about 2k usd in casino since 12 may, my birthday, i had been abusing myself there....it is going to be a stop for now for me in casino....if not my saving plan will be affected....life without her, i still goes on,but i really need to find back myself and ask myself what i really want for life.

Im not young anymore, right now, i dun think i have a stable career that can last me long in life, as i knew big bird world is not for me.During my 1 year and 6 mths here stay, there are still 9 mths more to go, i seen many ugly faces, how ugly humans can be, selfishness and all kind of plastics faces....i learnt alot here....yes, i also learnt a lesson in life, that lesson with her, how i entangled into someone marriage life and got myself hurt...i knew im wrong...we just fall in love at the wrong place and wrong time.

I had a long talk with kelvin after work at ihop for supper, we look at peoples around us, some of our friends married and have baby at our age....and look at oursleves, still single and not very stable.There was a funny scene at ihop too, right after we walk in the restaurant, there were big boobs ang moh girls looking at us all the way till we sitted, they asked where we from? looking at our uniforms, told her we are from singapore, we are based here....one of them teased me and asked me interested to create some beautiful babies together? lolx, she is firlting with me, before she left, she came over and shake our hands and tell me again, she is not joking and mean it that she wanted to create some beautiful babies with me.....HAHA...kelvin teased me the whole night, i wondered! why my "tao hua" virus is still on when i already make myself ugly by having a botak cut.

Well honestly, im not interested and have the mood to like someo0ne now, i cannot bluff myself that she is still on my mind...i have no mood to be into any relationship so soon....well, how about 1 night stand with that ang moh? seriously she has the looks,boobs and the butt, haha, i really had enough of these kind of fling filrt games that i played before in past....im a lousy player in these kind of games as i will accidentally fall for my fling like the past.

As for she (mah ai), i did not treat her like a fling before.....i really fall deep for her that is why im so hurt when she did those things to me, honestly i did not hate her before till now, i knew the fact that we will be hard together,she is playing the bad person in this relationship o make my heart "die" fast....i just hope she is well....

I sold my car to joe at super "lugi" price, i pay off my loan to bank, now i dun have car anymore, im looking at cars now, hope i could buy a car at 2k and below for the remainings 9 mths i have here....right now, i miss home, how i wish i could go back....i need to get over this thing fast, time will heal me...i still hope 1 day we will be friends again.

dec 19 will be my 3rd home trip and next year march 2009, i will be back for good...i just hope that within these 9 mths, i will be happy, and i would hear something from her as a friend.

My dream is still on, i will work hard for my life and open my horoscope cafe soon 1 day.

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 4:38 PM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}