Wednesday, December 30, 2009

my end of year 2009

This year had been a bad year for me, in my 28 years of life, this year is the worst so far of all, it had past so fast this year, i remembered 1 jan 2009 i was in las vegas with kelvin,wai tuck,soong and a few other guys, clubbing at the most happening club at las vegas ,TAO. Jan, im still in vegas for some exercise, march at florida for the early spring break, i was looking forward back to singapore, one of the reason was fel, the other is to pick up my newly brought, black picanto.

Talk about my kia picanto,in the eyes of others, it maybe a lousy,no power,slow car? but to me, it is my 4 wheel, and i proudly said here, there is only 1 design in singapore,1 in the world, with the 3 red DIY fin that i had installed on my rear spoiler...the red and black design is my own design like.Seriously i dun need to buy a fast car or any power car....i just buy something that can i can afford...i dun really care when ppl tell me or asked me why buy picanto? i will just again show my "charming chuanming smile" and said, because i dun need a power car, i make the plain picanto into my own style...the one and only one in sg.

april and may period, i hang out frequent with fel,jenny and wenlin, the malaysia night supper trips is nice but fatty....end of may, also made myself very sad, the quarrel with fel...it is over, i shall not bring the past back,well,after the quarrel,i really hope can be a friend back, and we did....but i will not forget how i spent with my birthday quarreling with someone at the corridor....i will never forget how my stubborness and kindness lead to some unhappy moments.

June, i had a big break for myself, went to MTF, spend some training session with chin,gary,mc,kwang ming,eric,fabian,philip chin and low and loy....haha..still remember our psp soccer challenge league, kind of fun when we were bored....that period, i spent sometime beauty up the interior of my car.

July, the time when i knew angeline, never did i know, it is also another start of a crestfallen story....my first impression of her was she look like last time channel 5 lisa ang, throught her , i knew her sisters like jas,charlene and vivian...i have to admit she is a pretty but she really dunno how to think....i admit i did fall for her, now then i realised i like her because of not her characters, just because of her pretty, after knowing her slowly, i knew she is a problem woman, someone who went jail before because of drugs, spent sometime in girls home before, was a girl gang members, had abortion before....i like her partly maybe i really hope i can help to change her, really hope she could be a better person, stop being so drunk everytime, i even lend her $ to clear her loan sharks things which the bitch her said that she did not remember borrowing any $ from me....she said those $ i gave her myself....these words hurt me, not because of the $, just the words....i really lost trust in this person...sept period is the most close period, i really thought she changed to be a better person....but never did i know, she always act pity in order to let me help her....i know im blind, blind by the one sided love? i fucking turn off when she told me if i dun help her, she will be a social escort....i really dun want her to be one, because i care...so i keep blindly help her.

I told her, i like her now and her future, not her past.....i really hope she will changed to be a better person, find a proper job,lead a healthly life, stop being a drunkard....but im so stupid....she bluffed me all the way....actually i knew of the thai singer bf...just that im unsured....17 sept, when she bluffed that she went malaysia with her aunties and MIA, she was actually with the thai singer....till i saw them at mustafa center i was really shocked....i think that time on 17 sept is heaven giving me a warning....im so sad why she wana lie to me, why she never told me about the thai singer bf? i told her, she can dun like me, but she cannot lie to me, what am i? a friend dun treat friend like that even and these lie hurts big time.

I knew what i did was wrong by hacking her msn and wholivesnearyou with her yahoo email passwords given to me....i did that to find out the actual truth of everything,she was actually lying to me all these while...i think i treat her too good, im just very disappointed with this person, she went back to her drinking life again,and still dun have a proper job, still fling with other thai singers...all i could said....she let me feel total disappointment in her....recent after 2 months of no contact, we contact back...but again she showed me that she still the old her,we had a big quarrel....and i totally want this person out of my life, she made me feel so depressed and feel so cheated....feeling and $....$ is not everything...but again i used $ to see a true colour of a person....it is worth it...i buy a lesson for myself....

because of her, some friends are very disappointed with me, one of them is sandra, which now she totally dun wana contact me, i feel v sad and i really know who are the true friends to me now.When i sms a few friends and said byebye take care, it sound like a commit suicide sms, sandra was the 1st to call me many times and msn me, this show how a friend really care...grace told me something which made me feel very touched.....she said, " you are my shi shiong, i know u close to 10 years, tell u, no matter how many years later, even when u are 50 years old, when u need a ear or someone there for u, my hp is always there waiting for u." after hearing this, then i know how lousy i am as a friend to some others like sandra and grace.....they were always there for me....i feel so sorry.

ThIS 2009 i really forget about myself, im too concentrate on the ppl i like....i never take care of myself and love myself, when im sad, i tends to bang my anger on soccer bets and eating...that why i gain so much weight this year 10kg!....and i total lost about 30k in womans and soccer bets this year....i really learnt a lesson, big time one! and i got myself a "yellow card" at work for not passing something and at work, many shit happened to me too....a totally suay suay year for me....which is enough to kill me....i feel so sad sometimes...but i know there are some true friends beside....this second half of 2009,fel and angeline were the lead actessers in my 2009 that made me sad... andy and sandra,do thi hieu were my c0-lead actor and actresser of my life in 2009 for the second half.

nov period, i knew a vietnam gal in one of the pub, do thi hieu, she looked really like makiyo, i cant said she is a fling, because i never had any sex with her, hahhaa, but she made my nov days happy....she let me forget about angeline awhile, i made her touched on 22 nov by buying her a birthday cake and celebrate for her at east coast park....and sent her to airport when she went back vietnam....she said she like me but i totally dun believe it, because i had enough of woman lies...this 2009 , i also know 2 thai ppl, ana and titaya, ana is another player in love,but lucky im just her friend, she got the points to be a player....titaya is a beautyfiful thai lady,a chinese fanatics, which love chinese languages very much, she speak just like any chinese in sg.Not forget about cathy, the hot mama from cebu, a mum of two, still so pretty, she is really those model type....thanks for the day in june.xiao qing from china also, october period, she teaches me and let me know how silly am i....these friends i still contact with them in msn,QQ or yahoo messengers.This 2009, i gave out 3 birthday cake and recieve none, hahahaha..


My 2009 is really not a happy one, but im happy for some friends, like darren marry on 16 may,kimhung on 17 may, william in june,guoan in sept and weifa in nov....i feel so happy for them...and also jinyen, my 1st love...althought she never invite me, but im really happy for her...cause after we part in 2003, i hope we could be friends back 1 day...till now we are not....just have her in my facebook...i started my blog because of her in 2003.


Im so tired, i really wana love myself more first....ana told me, i never love myself...xiao qing said im so silly, cathy said im foolish....2010, i wana proved something!!! i wana improved my life, i want some of my dream to happen....i wana be in the envy eyes of others....i wana proved to some ppl that im not lousy!! i wana lose 10kg in me and get back to shape again! i want angeline koh wen ni to be totally out of my life!!! i deleted all the smses she sent before, i delete away all her numbers and contact.....just hope one day, she will wake up her fucking ideas.

i dun wana be a nice guy anymore,i will learn to say no to others, i want to be happy on my birthday.I want a total change in me!!! i set a target by 2010 end june, i wana see some improvements.Althougth, 2009 is such a sad year and bad luck year for me, i know life still goes on, it is just that my happy days are not there yet....i really envy so many ppl, who are marry, have own kids, own family....hahaha, i think kids will make me feel happy, cause i like to play with them.

The first thing to build back my confident is to love myself more and learn to be selfish to others, cause after 28 years, i know something, when you treat ppl too good, they take u for granted, treat u like dogs....i will never forget who treat me bad and good....one fine day, i will take my revenge, not by causing harm to them by to show them how my life is so great without them....to let them see how successful i am in future, but i know i must work hard!!! 30 will be my good real start, 28 to 30 will be the path to build by the confident level in me....friends they are many in this world, not all can keep....some are born to be hi and bye....one of them is angeline, thanks for letting me learnt this precious lesson....i eat IT this time....just that many friends i had not meet yet....i shall welcome u all in future, be my co actors and actressers in 2010,2011,2012 and more....lead one is hard.....but u need to appear before 2012, very crucial lah....u appear then i tell u the reason!

2010, there is many things to plan for...i shall blog in next entry for the final 2010 resolution...i look forward to my next 5 years of life...

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 11:36 PM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}