Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The recent me
I knew i had not been blogging for the past 2 months, peeps and readers had been msn, tell me or even call me why im not blogging? some said my life stories is so bitter sweet sometimes, interesting and so down to earth, so heart wrenching sometimes.

Recently i had been suffering with some depression myself, i did not went to a doctor,but i just let days passes me by....lucky this period, i had a few friends that is with me, my "doctor" sandra whom i had always pour out my sorrows to, recently i made her damn angry....im really sorry....andy lim c s, is another bee domes brother that had heard my stories this few months...who had been with me when work and our night outings...this china friend, xiao qing who had went back china for good, lend a very good listening ear to me, ana ,the thai sweetie, we still contact through phone.Jun hao, another brother that had been out with me these nights...

another person is this vietnam girl, with the name of Do thi hieu,i knew her from a pub in one of my night outing, she look like someone, the japanese that based in taiwan, makiyo, she really look like her.....i celebrated her birthday for her on 22 nov 2009, i surprised her with a birthday cake and went to east coast park to celebrate with her...i made her feel touched that night....that period of time, we were like in "love", i went to that pub find her with my bros most of the time, she will call me every afternoon and even when she is in vietnam now, she sms me sometimes and call me.....she said she like me, i asked her why? because she said im a good guy...said im cute...and i hate this word cute....mentioned by girls to me...im the one who sent her to airport on 3 dec, help her pack her luggages.....i think i only treated her as a replacement for angeline, when i feel lonely, she appeared...

i feel very sad, it is not the $ she own me i feel sad....is the trust i had for someone, i feel cheated when she told me she went to bali and chiangmai with her auntie but she actually went to thailand and find the thai bf....i knew i did a bad thing, i hacked her msn account and wholivesnearyou account, and by that i found out everythings about her....she actually let the whole world knew that she had a thai bf except me, im the last one to know everything....did she forget about the birthday celebration for her? the 27 birthday presents for her which i had gave 9 to her first before she left for thailand.

when she came back, she used another msn account to add me and use another hp number to send me and thank me for wishing her happy birthday on 18 oct...i did not care about her, i was damn pissed off with her...why she bluffed me all these long....but i actually miss her...we had send each other some offline msn message and never really talk in msn or even sms, till recently...i sms her one of the night....she asked me if i could fetch her home at 3am from somewhere, i agreed....she was with shalene, her god sister that i knew some months ago....they went drinking...i meet them for supper...she is that drunk again, just like the same i knew her since july....once inside the car...she clinged her arm to me and sayang my neck and told me it had been so long she last seen me....i actually "hate" her so much, but i dunno why i wanted to see her....i just feel very sad for her....she never changed...again she still jobless, still like to drink and chiong thai disco....i thought that september period , she will really turn over a new leaf, that is why i trusted her again and wanted to help her....but she let me down again and again.


just last saturday morning at 5am, she sms me and asked me where am i? i just woke up from sleep, she asked me if i can fetch her and bring her go eat supper? she was at thrust, i went to find her, she is that drunk again....when im driving, she lay on my shoulder and hold my hand and tell me im still the guy that treat her so good....she told me everything why she lied to me about that thai bf,cause she could not bring up to me and tell me the truth, she is scare,she told me she had broke up with that thai, cause she knew he just make use of her? she told me she read my blog and found out how i wanted to celebrate her birthday for her, bring her to singapore flyer and these...we went to buy mcdonald breakfast and ate inside my car...she still remember the things i told her last time....she told me she want me to re celebrate her birthday for her on sunday....she even put a promise that she will make the day for me.... i sent her home and out of the lift...i hug her tight...i said im sad...i asked her why she wanted to lie to me all these long.....she cried and said sorry....she really did not mean to hurt me these long...she told me she feel very touch last time for the presents i gave her, cause every present there is a meaning in it,every present i had a note in it.....i passed her the rest of the presents that i wanted to give her last time that day.

She really let me feel so heart wrenching！！！I really feel so sad because of her, sunday i prepared everything, i brought her a very belated birthday cake, i booked spore flyer, and i even wanted to buy a bouquet of pink roses for her which i later changed my mind cause at 1230pm , she sms me change the meeting time to 3pm and then 6pm, i agreed, at 230pm, she sms me and told me not meeting, she very tired and never sleep for the last night...i was damn pissed off, again she break the promise...i guess she not interested to meet me...she asked me to call her at 6pm....in the end we did meet....but the meeting was not a happy one i guess....the spore flyer ride was a boring one...she was sick i knew...not a single picture taken...there was one when we entered the flyer, a shot by the crew member....but she even not interested to take a look at it....went brewreks for dinner...after that she wanted to go home....i knew she was sick....she kept quiet through out the trip home....i asked a few times if she wanted to see a doctor....she reply no..until when we passed amk ave 5 on CTE, i handle out a birthday card i had prepared for her and told her i actually brought her a birthday cake.....to my sadness, she said she dun want the cake...but i really insist she to have that cake...cause she complain to me that day, on her birthday, she had just a small cake...i sent her to her door step...and pass the birthday cake to her.


I knew im a fool...the other day, i wanted 1 hour plus for her under her block...but she never wanted to come down...i guessed i had enough of her, but i know i miss her, that period of september is gone, when i miss her, at the moment, her sms will appeared in front of me...it really that zun! 8 times on september...when i think of her, she will sms me what am i doing? or sent me good nite message....i really hope she turn over a new leaf....find a stable good job, stop drinking that much, a leopard really cant changed its spot....im really very sad, althought these months i had been acting a smiling face in front of all at world, cause i never put my emotion in work, i can handle what is work and sadness...but sometimes i really feel depressed at work, im not happy at work also...and my personal love is so sad and bad luck this 2009...it is the most bad luck year for me....the first half of the year, i was sad cause of felicia, then angeline occupied the 2nd half sadness of me, actually 2 case is about the same, same as in, i treated both very good, not same as in, felicia did not bluff me anything but angeline did...and i cried over felicia and i did not for angeline....but 2 of them add together really made me think of a suicide weeks ago.

suicide mind really came across me around end of november and start of dec period....but i knew i just cant do it...why suicide? because im tired...my effort in things i do always get mistaken by girls....my work is so sianzzz...i hate it, i just miss the life i had in arizona....

Jerson Yeo MuYi Jerson wrote in his heart @ 2:03 AM

{Jerson Yeo,My Style}