J e r s o n 一个喜欢回忆的男生，我的独家回忆 my CMemories

2010-07-31T01:03:00.000-07:00

BLOG SHIFTED

I had start another journey in my life > a _ _ _ rcmstory.blogspot.com

2010-01-31T02:15:00.000-08:00

The whole of jan 2010

Seemed like i had stop blogging, peeping throught my pte blog meter,noticed that there is a drop of readers,maybe i had not blog for long and peeps thought i had abandon my cmstory.

I had a enjoyful jan for the start, i attended a 2 weeks Chemical defence advisor course at seletar camp,which brings memories back to my BMT days, this course i made a few friends like loeng,kai,james,tuck,lester...this is the 1st course that invloves the tri service,army,airforce and navy.....from cpt to 3rd sgt, all ranks with the class attendance of 25.I miss the mask days with them, mask with games,mask in full operational suit which made us look like SOF, mask in 2km run,mask in special 4km route march,mask in range and our tactical plannning test....this course made me suddenly wanted to jump and join them instead of staying in my boring bee domes.

I recieved a sms when i attended this course, it was from angeline, i had not contacted her for 1 mth and she suddenly sent me this sms " althought you may have scolded me alot in the sms, i will still rem having you as a friend, happy new year" this sms was sent on 6 jan 2010 1515 hours.I did not reply to the sms at all, cause i had made clear to myself that i wanted this person to OUT OF MY LIFE, i had got cheated by this person 3 times, yet i forgave her....but she still unchanged and lead her bitchy ways...had disapppointed me as a friend.Because of her, i nearly lost some friend like my doctor, sandra.

Jan, out of boredom again, i went back betting soccer, again i hit my peak, i won 11k in this month, but just start of feb, i lost back 15k....$ come easy and go easy....the risk is very high in my way of betting but sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.....i put this to a stop 1st...$ to me is really not that important....im not saying im rich...i just a average income guy...cause i personally tested friendship that invloves $ and seen ugly greedy faces....and i brought myself some lessons in life.actually if i have a partner or family, i would rather spend that 15k on them than gamble....cause i like to make ppl i feel, happy.i like to give surprise.

Just start of jan, i have so much emo things to write? i just wana say since 2003 till now i had experienced many kind of things,lessons, know many ppls or passerbys in my life....i seen throught everything by myself...there is more to learn....hopefully my suay 7.5 years of bad luck since 23 will faster end soon, the lady that predicted my life in 2006 said something true abt me, and the other lady i met 1 mth ago at ceylon road told me future mrs yeo will appear in 2010,but in the form of friendship 1st.....i read back my horoscope stuffs, the stubborn me always put in wrong feeling for filrt libra,witty gemini but my actual true match is virgo,capricorn and cancer.

Just attended elvin and mandy wedding, special lunch wedding, arghhhhhhh, keeep kana disturb by my table of guys...like denn, say the next table got lot of veggie, faster go know them.....hahaha..am i such a desperate now?

Hahaha, althought i had lost n spend alot of $ in 2008,2009 on girls i like, but there is 1 thing that i had never gave out yet, is that special small love wooden box that i brought in alaska in 2007, i told myself this will be the wedding ring box in future....that precious box now use $ also cannot buy.....if this life, the partner will not appear...i will bury this small love wooden box at somewhere till the fate person see this box and use it maybe....lol.

Jan period, i enjoy my days with andy,,tristan,qingrui and my nsf like linyi,small andy,brendan....just once hit club 72 beside sabai, then scandals came...lol...very funny scandal..not on me, but small andy...but i partially invloves when andy posted the pics in facebook of me and nutty....well, is just a pic....i still await the big gathering.

I want a holiday this year......

2010-01-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

Farewell lunch for yee hoe

Had farewell lunch with the bee domes guys at east coast park, international seafood restaurant.....i wish him all the best!!!, cause he is going for another type of birdy...i wana said i attend this farewell lunch because of him, if others, i will not go....has been a bro to me since start of bee domes and in arizona....i will always remember the days we spent in new york and niagara falls with his wife, lena and guoan....so fun!!! the most enjoyable trip i had in usa.

afternoon, i went to buy a silver bracelet for myself...which i need badly for my "moon" then sew my number4 uniform for the coming course....was at golden mile and army market the whole afternoon,i lost my way at there, cause i cant find the shop where i sew my rank....every auntie look the same to me.....hahaha.

Brought dinner back for my parents......the western food i brought was like....., the chicken cutlet machiam give me the whole chicken!!! so many....lol...

Belinda helped me choose what to wear in webcam for clubbing....hahaha...went arena with junhao....after arena, we did a crazy thing for the night....which in my 28 years of life, first time try it.....but i promise i will nt try again....cause it is so dangerous and addicted....well...that thing is not my fav...had a good sleep till noon.

2010-01-01T08:04:00.000-08:00

Happpy new year?

This year, i have a boring one compared to the start of 2009, 2009 1st day count down, im in las vegas with my guys....2010, i met up with jenny,wenlin,fel and felicia, on the dot of 12am....we were at a hongkong cafe at katong eating....after that play pool at marina parade, it sound so boring right? hahaha, but ok la, everywhere there is so many ppl....we did not plan things ahead....so no fun.

What i miss now is fireworks!!! the last i saw was at las vegas a year ago....i envy ppl going in a group or in a couple, marina bay is the most romantic place i think in sg.

first day of 2010, i was wake up by my parents, mum asked me go casino ship....ok i went...i played routlette and i hit number 12 and 28 ....each time hit i won about 500plus....in the end, i played carribean stub pokers, big small, i lost back....and even give my winnings to my parents and gamble...in the end, i no win no lose....win few hundreds bucks mean nothing to me, im not say im rich....just that, i come here for the thrill and fun....winning just like that is nothing.....i once win 5 digit in a night and lose 4 digit in 2 hrs before....soo i never think of heart pain anymore when losing $...cause i always tell myself....if i wana gamble, i must be willingly to lose....$$ make ppl look so ugly, i hate it when i need to use $ to see a person true colour...but is worth it....i buy lessons.

my heart really sank in 2009....just like the titanic, it will never surface on the water again....i know it is not end of the world...lessons made ppl grow up....just that i grow up slow...lol...

2010 is just the start, i have not place my bets yet....2009, i really lost big time,well this is just life....so what? got hurt? it is just part n parcel of life, sometimes i think i take things too serious that ppl take me for granted....i will learn to stand firm in my decision...one thing in life, which i always want, i dun like ppl to eat me, or i dun like to eat ppl, but the real true fact about life is, this is a "dog eat dog" world, everything is kelong one....sometimes being bad is good...but how? hahhaha

anyway, happy birthday to tristan on 1 jan.....

2009-12-31T01:17:00.000-08:00

My 2010 resolution

First i wana thank those who had been loyal readers on my blog here and loverutheone.blogspot.com, i wished everyone happy new year 2010!! may all dreams come true.

What had i really achieved in 2009?
1) i came back from arizona on 28 march 2009 in a full piece after spending 2 years 3 mths there, i learnt alot of things and seen alot there.

2) i got my 1st car in singapore, althought i owned a mitsubishi galant and ford escort zx2 before in arizona.

3) i completed my casino course at ICG.

I have so many targets for 2010 which i wana achieve,

1) i wana lose 10kg in me, i really must, i need to have my sharp face back.
2) i wana achieve my next rank before 2010 end.
3) start a small biz selling woman products. ( be it bra,perfume,clothes,2nd hand branded bags)... because of my luck venus.
4) i wana stay happy for most of my days in 2010, and not a repeat of 2009 incidents.
5) i wana go a tour to taiwan,hongkong with friends, or a backpack tour myself to some countries that i had listed on my blog...i hope i can go france!!!!
6) continue study some art,music or language course
7) save back the $$$ that i had lost in 2009.
8) i wish i strike toto ( i know is hard but i have 104 chances in 2010 ), if i strike a toto, first i will buy a condo,second i bring my parents to las vegas and gamble, third i throw the sum of $ in bank, fourth, buy a power car for my dad and make my picanto more sporty and cute, fifth, set up my horoscope cafe.
9) build back my confidents.
10) spend times with friends that i had not meet for long time, more bbq, chalets, more ktv sessions,kopi sessions, club also can, i dun wana lose any friends, i welcomed all new friends in future to be part of my life story....those hi bye one....dun need to appear...hahhaha.....ermmmm take more pictures on post on my blog here in 2010, cause 2009 seldom have pics , cause no happy moments.

most important is be happy in whatever i do in 2010! start of 2010, im going for a confidential course which will occupy 2 weeks of my jan, feb i will be going tom yam land again for 5 weeks after chinese new year, to practice my thai and meet some thai friends.

on my birthday, i wana be happy, i wana be at marina bay sands for whatever reasons.....lolx...i want a ferrari jumbo pit crew watch for myself.

i hope sept period i can go back arizona again, cause i really miss the life there.

2009-12-30T23:36:00.000-08:00

my end of year 2009

This year had been a bad year for me, in my 28 years of life, this year is the worst so far of all, it had past so fast this year, i remembered 1 jan 2009 i was in las vegas with kelvin,wai tuck,soong and a few other guys, clubbing at the most happening club at las vegas ,TAO. Jan, im still in vegas for some exercise, march at florida for the early spring break, i was looking forward back to singapore, one of the reason was fel, the other is to pick up my newly brought, black picanto.

Talk about my kia picanto,in the eyes of others, it maybe a lousy,no power,slow car? but to me, it is my 4 wheel, and i proudly said here, there is only 1 design in singapore,1 in the world, with the 3 red DIY fin that i had installed on my rear spoiler...the red and black design is my own design like.Seriously i dun need to buy a fast car or any power car....i just buy something that can i can afford...i dun really care when ppl tell me or asked me why buy picanto? i will just again show my "charming chuanming smile" and said, because i dun need a power car, i make the plain picanto into my own style...the one and only one in sg.

april and may period, i hang out frequent with fel,jenny and wenlin, the malaysia night supper trips is nice but fatty....end of may, also made myself very sad, the quarrel with fel...it is over, i shall not bring the past back,well,after the quarrel,i really hope can be a friend back, and we did....but i will not forget how i spent with my birthday quarreling with someone at the corridor....i will never forget how my stubborness and kindness lead to some unhappy moments.

June, i had a big break for myself, went to MTF, spend some training session with chin,gary,mc,kwang ming,eric,fabian,philip chin and low and loy....haha..still remember our psp soccer challenge league, kind of fun when we were bored....that period, i spent sometime beauty up the interior of my car.

July, the time when i knew angeline, never did i know, it is also another start of a crestfallen story....my first impression of her was she look like last time channel 5 lisa ang, throught her , i knew her sisters like jas,charlene and vivian...i have to admit she is a pretty but she really dunno how to think....i admit i did fall for her, now then i realised i like her because of not her characters, just because of her pretty, after knowing her slowly, i knew she is a problem woman, someone who went jail before because of drugs, spent sometime in girls home before, was a girl gang members, had abortion before....i like her partly maybe i really hope i can help to change her, really hope she could be a better person, stop being so drunk everytime, i even lend her $ to clear her loan sharks things which the bitch her said that she did not remember borrowing any $ from me....she said those $ i gave her myself....these words hurt me, not because of the $, just the words....i really lost trust in this person...sept period is the most close period, i really thought she changed to be a better person....but never did i know, she always act pity in order to let me help her....i know im blind, blind by the one sided love? i fucking turn off when she told me if i dun help her, she will be a social escort....i really dun want her to be one, because i care...so i keep blindly help her.

I told her, i like her now and her future, not her past.....i really hope she will changed to be a better person, find a proper job,lead a healthly life, stop being a drunkard....but im so stupid....she bluffed me all the way....actually i knew of the thai singer bf...just that im unsured....17 sept, when she bluffed that she went malaysia with her aunties and MIA, she was actually with the thai singer....till i saw them at mustafa center i was really shocked....i think that time on 17 sept is heaven giving me a warning....im so sad why she wana lie to me, why she never told me about the thai singer bf? i told her, she can dun like me, but she cannot lie to me, what am i? a friend dun treat friend like that even and these lie hurts big time.

I knew what i did was wrong by hacking her msn and wholivesnearyou with her yahoo email passwords given to me....i did that to find out the actual truth of everything,she was actually lying to me all these while...i think i treat her too good, im just very disappointed with this person, she went back to her drinking life again,and still dun have a proper job, still fling with other thai singers...all i could said....she let me feel total disappointment in her....recent after 2 months of no contact, we contact back...but again she showed me that she still the old her,we had a big quarrel....and i totally want this person out of my life, she made me feel so depressed and feel so cheated....feeling and $....$ is not everything...but again i used $ to see a true colour of a person....it is worth it...i buy a lesson for myself....

because of her, some friends are very disappointed with me, one of them is sandra, which now she totally dun wana contact me, i feel v sad and i really know who are the true friends to me now.When i sms a few friends and said byebye take care, it sound like a commit suicide sms, sandra was the 1st to call me many times and msn me, this show how a friend really care...grace told me something which made me feel very touched.....she said, " you are my shi shiong, i know u close to 10 years, tell u, no matter how many years later, even when u are 50 years old, when u need a ear or someone there for u, my hp is always there waiting for u." after hearing this, then i know how lousy i am as a friend to some others like sandra and grace.....they were always there for me....i feel so sorry.

ThIS 2009 i really forget about myself, im too concentrate on the ppl i like....i never take care of myself and love myself, when im sad, i tends to bang my anger on soccer bets and eating...that why i gain so much weight this year 10kg!....and i total lost about 30k in womans and soccer bets this year....i really learnt a lesson, big time one! and i got myself a "yellow card" at work for not passing something and at work, many shit happened to me too....a totally suay suay year for me....which is enough to kill me....i feel so sad sometimes...but i know there are some true friends beside....this second half of 2009,fel and angeline were the lead actessers in my 2009 that made me sad... andy and sandra,do thi hieu were my c0-lead actor and actresser of my life in 2009 for the second half.

nov period, i knew a vietnam gal in one of the pub, do thi hieu, she looked really like makiyo, i cant said she is a fling, because i never had any sex with her, hahhaa, but she made my nov days happy....she let me forget about angeline awhile, i made her touched on 22 nov by buying her a birthday cake and celebrate for her at east coast park....and sent her to airport when she went back vietnam....she said she like me but i totally dun believe it, because i had enough of woman lies...this 2009 , i also know 2 thai ppl, ana and titaya, ana is another player in love,but lucky im just her friend, she got the points to be a player....titaya is a beautyfiful thai lady,a chinese fanatics, which love chinese languages very much, she speak just like any chinese in sg.Not forget about cathy, the hot mama from cebu, a mum of two, still so pretty, she is really those model type....thanks for the day in june.xiao qing from china also, october period, she teaches me and let me know how silly am i....these friends i still contact with them in msn,QQ or yahoo messengers.This 2009, i gave out 3 birthday cake and recieve none, hahahaha..

My 2009 is really not a happy one, but im happy for some friends, like darren marry on 16 may,kimhung on 17 may, william in june,guoan in sept and weifa in nov....i feel so happy for them...and also jinyen, my 1st love...althought she never invite me, but im really happy for her...cause after we part in 2003, i hope we could be friends back 1 day...till now we are not....just have her in my facebook...i started my blog because of her in 2003.

Im so tired, i really wana love myself more first....ana told me, i never love myself...xiao qing said im so silly, cathy said im foolish....2010, i wana proved something!!! i wana improved my life, i want some of my dream to happen....i wana be in the envy eyes of others....i wana proved to some ppl that im not lousy!! i wana lose 10kg in me and get back to shape again! i want angeline koh wen ni to be totally out of my life!!! i deleted all the smses she sent before, i delete away all her numbers and contact.....just hope one day, she will wake up her fucking ideas.

i dun wana be a nice guy anymore,i will learn to say no to others, i want to be happy on my birthday.I want a total change in me!!! i set a target by 2010 end june, i wana see some improvements.Althougth, 2009 is such a sad year and bad luck year for me, i know life still goes on, it is just that my happy days are not there yet....i really envy so many ppl, who are marry, have own kids, own family....hahaha, i think kids will make me feel happy, cause i like to play with them.

The first thing to build back my confident is to love myself more and learn to be selfish to others, cause after 28 years, i know something, when you treat ppl too good, they take u for granted, treat u like dogs....i will never forget who treat me bad and good....one fine day, i will take my revenge, not by causing harm to them by to show them how my life is so great without them....to let them see how successful i am in future, but i know i must work hard!!! 30 will be my good real start, 28 to 30 will be the path to build by the confident level in me....friends they are many in this world, not all can keep....some are born to be hi and bye....one of them is angeline, thanks for letting me learnt this precious lesson....i eat IT this time....just that many friends i had not meet yet....i shall welcome u all in future, be my co actors and actressers in 2010,2011,2012 and more....lead one is hard.....but u need to appear before 2012, very crucial lah....u appear then i tell u the reason!

2010, there is many things to plan for...i shall blog in next entry for the final 2010 resolution...i look forward to my next 5 years of life...

2009-12-18T04:21:00.000-08:00

i want u out of my life in 2010!!!!

Im still in my depress mode, but im happy for someone, she is jinyen, my 1st love, the girl that i had not forget till now...i had tried my ways to be a friend with her, althought after so many years, 6 years, we had not contact, i had added her back in msn months ago and the new facebook.....maybe unknown to her, i had been viewing her facebook quite often...i guessed she is going to get marry soon.....im very happy for her, really very happy for her...actually till now....our photo is still with me all along till now.

I know she may not see this, althought she never invite me to her wedding, i still wish her happy wedding on 19 dec 2009.

my 2009 is really a bad luck year, i thought it will be a nice one once im back in sg, im totally wrong!!! this year things happened can kill me!! the incident happened with fel and lead to a serious quarrel....even a friendship is not secure....but im happy that recently we got back as friends, really friends....and im surprised she told me her mum wanted me to be her god son last time....and i dun mind....cause her mum and me can click.

I thought after fel, i should have seen throught things, and i got myself enrolled in my casino course which later i knew a few friends like jason,darren,chunyap, angelina, cynthia.....we always had our saturday dinner together....

Then came this angeline that i knew on july 2009, fel was the one who occupied the 1st half of my 2009 and angeline happened to be the one on 2nd half of 2009.....the two sadness add together is enough to kill me...i really hate the way she act and lie.

I feel so sad about it....really make my heart so numb....why my care and concern is always taken for granted and not really appreacite by the girls i like....it is really ok.....i think i had some problems too....my heart is always not feel secure, i feel loneliness.....i went to have fun with friends at vietnam pub, ktv ....actiually im not happy at all....it just occupied some of my loneliness, but i must say something true, these vietnam,thai, china friends are really somehow more true than sg girls....sg girls are sometimes really fake! it really breaks my heart for saying these....but i have to accept, it is very true.I dun understand why sg girls like to go thai clubs so much....buy garlands for the thai singers...and always get themselves so drunk....i hate to see her so drunk everytime, i hate to see those love bites on her neck, i hate myself for missing her.

I feel very sad, why am i so stupid yet??? i got cheated 3 times by this person,l i still can forgive her and treat her so good again....i gave her a chance to hurt me everytime...i feel so pain! because of her and recent thai clubs so happening in sg let me really dislike thailand anymore....i used to be in love with thai culture since 1995 when james ruangsak was singing those touching ballets, im in love with thai history.....but now i hate it because of her.

I knew im nothing to the person, i had done alot of things for her....ok i like her...i dun really wanted something back, since august 2009, i had told her i hope she changed for her own good, stop chiong night life and acting like a bitch....im a fool that let her lead me on.....when she need $ to pay off loan sharks....i will lend her....cause i dun want her to be stress....but she had been lying to me alot of things which later i found out myself....which later she told me that she did not lend anything from me, just that im willingly to pass the $ to her....i have no IOU....it makes me feel very sad to hear these words....it is not the $ that hurts, is the words and trust from a person.

I hate myself for letting all these killing me.....im so tired....ana from thai,xiao qing from china,valen,sandra,andy,junwei,ivy,felicia knew all these stories about me recent....i did not blog here, cause im really sad....my heart is so tired....felicia even joked me and said im not fair, cause i treat angeline better than her....i scolded felicia, cause i told her i got cried cause of her and not for angeline....but i feel like ending my life when 2009 is coming to this sad end.

Thanks wanli for that last min introduction to subramania astrological, which later i knew that my life is going to be suay for 7.5 years since the age of 23, which is very true, my moon is weak, so i always feel not confidence, serangoon shifu and that lady that had read me in 2006 all said same thing, when im 30, my life will be successful.I hope so....all predicted the same, all told me under 30 cannot have love, or love other ppl, if not i will be the suffering....3 ppl said same thing...i cant dun believe.

2003 jinyen 1st love break my heart cause of 3rd party, 2004 carlin, we "together" for few hours till she break the news to me that she want to go back to her ex gf,which later we become good friends, 2005 amy, the pretty model gf who 1 leg step on 3 boats, 2006 was a break for me but i somehow fell for a fling name rain,2007 i was in arizona, peipei the east meet west feeling which make me heart break, 2008 it was julie, i admit im at fault in these, i had a affair with someone's wife, 2009 happened to be my friend, felicia which i dote so much on and then 2nd half was angeline which i had help her alot in terms of $, and hope she changed to be a better person, she disapppointed me many times and lie to me many times and yet i still forgive her and treat her good.

since 2003 to 2009, im numb!!! 7 years of unlucky love life....is it another 0.5 years to go? subramania's daughter told me my love had not appeared yet, she will appear in 2010 or 2011, i laughed and told her, i just hope.

Im seriously tired of all these years...even i fling, i treat all flings good....for example....just like that vietnam cais do thi hieu 2009 and sassy in 2006...

I wana revenge!!!! as i told myself!! i wana build a better life out of myself, i wana love myself more!!!i want a make over of my life, i wana prove to all these ppl im not lousy....i want my life to be successful after im 30....i want to have a happy own family, caring and understanding wife, with 4 kids, hopefully i can work hard and buy a condo or a house when im 36, stay with my parents.....happy family....my future kids will be my motivators...

That lady in 2006 told me something, she told me dun try to change someone in future, and the person if im not wrong is angeline, cause in this half year, i always hope she turn over a new leaf....she did not..yet disappointed me again and again...

2009-12-15T02:03:00.000-08:00

The recent me
I knew i had not been blogging for the past 2 months, peeps and readers had been msn, tell me or even call me why im not blogging? some said my life stories is so bitter sweet sometimes, interesting and so down to earth, so heart wrenching sometimes.

Recently i had been suffering with some depression myself, i did not went to a doctor,but i just let days passes me by....lucky this period, i had a few friends that is with me, my "doctor" sandra whom i had always pour out my sorrows to, recently i made her damn angry....im really sorry....andy lim c s, is another bee domes brother that had heard my stories this few months...who had been with me when work and our night outings...this china friend, xiao qing who had went back china for good, lend a very good listening ear to me, ana ,the thai sweetie, we still contact through phone.Jun hao, another brother that had been out with me these nights...

another person is this vietnam girl, with the name of Do thi hieu,i knew her from a pub in one of my night outing, she look like someone, the japanese that based in taiwan, makiyo, she really look like her.....i celebrated her birthday for her on 22 nov 2009, i surprised her with a birthday cake and went to east coast park to celebrate with her...i made her feel touched that night....that period of time, we were like in "love", i went to that pub find her with my bros most of the time, she will call me every afternoon and even when she is in vietnam now, she sms me sometimes and call me.....she said she like me, i asked her why? because she said im a good guy...said im cute...and i hate this word cute....mentioned by girls to me...im the one who sent her to airport on 3 dec, help her pack her luggages.....i think i only treated her as a replacement for angeline, when i feel lonely, she appeared...

i feel very sad, it is not the $ she own me i feel sad....is the trust i had for someone, i feel cheated when she told me she went to bali and chiangmai with her auntie but she actually went to thailand and find the thai bf....i knew i did a bad thing, i hacked her msn account and wholivesnearyou account, and by that i found out everythings about her....she actually let the whole world knew that she had a thai bf except me, im the last one to know everything....did she forget about the birthday celebration for her? the 27 birthday presents for her which i had gave 9 to her first before she left for thailand.

when she came back, she used another msn account to add me and use another hp number to send me and thank me for wishing her happy birthday on 18 oct...i did not care about her, i was damn pissed off with her...why she bluffed me all these long....but i actually miss her...we had send each other some offline msn message and never really talk in msn or even sms, till recently...i sms her one of the night....she asked me if i could fetch her home at 3am from somewhere, i agreed....she was with shalene, her god sister that i knew some months ago....they went drinking...i meet them for supper...she is that drunk again, just like the same i knew her since july....once inside the car...she clinged her arm to me and sayang my neck and told me it had been so long she last seen me....i actually "hate" her so much, but i dunno why i wanted to see her....i just feel very sad for her....she never changed...again she still jobless, still like to drink and chiong thai disco....i thought that september period , she will really turn over a new leaf, that is why i trusted her again and wanted to help her....but she let me down again and again.

just last saturday morning at 5am, she sms me and asked me where am i? i just woke up from sleep, she asked me if i can fetch her and bring her go eat supper? she was at thrust, i went to find her, she is that drunk again....when im driving, she lay on my shoulder and hold my hand and tell me im still the guy that treat her so good....she told me everything why she lied to me about that thai bf,cause she could not bring up to me and tell me the truth, she is scare,she told me she had broke up with that thai, cause she knew he just make use of her? she told me she read my blog and found out how i wanted to celebrate her birthday for her, bring her to singapore flyer and these...we went to buy mcdonald breakfast and ate inside my car...she still remember the things i told her last time....she told me she want me to re celebrate her birthday for her on sunday....she even put a promise that she will make the day for me.... i sent her home and out of the lift...i hug her tight...i said im sad...i asked her why she wanted to lie to me all these long.....she cried and said sorry....she really did not mean to hurt me these long...she told me she feel very touch last time for the presents i gave her, cause every present there is a meaning in it,every present i had a note in it.....i passed her the rest of the presents that i wanted to give her last time that day.

She really let me feel so heart wrenching！！！I really feel so sad because of her, sunday i prepared everything, i brought her a very belated birthday cake, i booked spore flyer, and i even wanted to buy a bouquet of pink roses for her which i later changed my mind cause at 1230pm , she sms me change the meeting time to 3pm and then 6pm, i agreed, at 230pm, she sms me and told me not meeting, she very tired and never sleep for the last night...i was damn pissed off, again she break the promise...i guess she not interested to meet me...she asked me to call her at 6pm....in the end we did meet....but the meeting was not a happy one i guess....the spore flyer ride was a boring one...she was sick i knew...not a single picture taken...there was one when we entered the flyer, a shot by the crew member....but she even not interested to take a look at it....went brewreks for dinner...after that she wanted to go home....i knew she was sick....she kept quiet through out the trip home....i asked a few times if she wanted to see a doctor....she reply no..until when we passed amk ave 5 on CTE, i handle out a birthday card i had prepared for her and told her i actually brought her a birthday cake.....to my sadness, she said she dun want the cake...but i really insist she to have that cake...cause she complain to me that day, on her birthday, she had just a small cake...i sent her to her door step...and pass the birthday cake to her.

I knew im a fool...the other day, i wanted 1 hour plus for her under her block...but she never wanted to come down...i guessed i had enough of her, but i know i miss her, that period of september is gone, when i miss her, at the moment, her sms will appeared in front of me...it really that zun! 8 times on september...when i think of her, she will sms me what am i doing? or sent me good nite message....i really hope she turn over a new leaf....find a stable good job, stop drinking that much, a leopard really cant changed its spot....im really very sad, althought these months i had been acting a smiling face in front of all at world, cause i never put my emotion in work, i can handle what is work and sadness...but sometimes i really feel depressed at work, im not happy at work also...and my personal love is so sad and bad luck this 2009...it is the most bad luck year for me....the first half of the year, i was sad cause of felicia, then angeline occupied the 2nd half sadness of me, actually 2 case is about the same, same as in, i treated both very good, not same as in, felicia did not bluff me anything but angeline did...and i cried over felicia and i did not for angeline....but 2 of them add together really made me think of a suicide weeks ago.

suicide mind really came across me around end of november and start of dec period....but i knew i just cant do it...why suicide? because im tired...my effort in things i do always get mistaken by girls....my work is so sianzzz...i hate it, i just miss the life i had in arizona....

2009-10-01T11:28:00.000-07:00

I never love myself before

Again i extracted this part from loverutheone.blogspot.com, during the Absent of angeline, i meet a few persons, like xiao qing from china, ana from thai, my doctor , sandra and also the secondary school teacher, ivy that had been in my msn list for over a year yet we seldom chat....recently we just hang out together.

Ana is a funny thai girl birthday just 1 day before angeline on 17 oct, on ana birthday i met her again, she told me something sad for what? think of future! she told me something that day, she think we can clicked and become very good friends for very long, she gave me her thai number, asked me call her when free or go thailand find her, she will bring me pray. Ana called me a few times and asked how am i?

Xiao qing, give me a name, she call me 傻傻的。xiao qing told me something very right, no matter what, even own good friends, cannot 100 percent trust ppl, dun pity ppl when it comes to $, $ is a very sensitive issue, cause it really makes someone turns ugly....this girl told me althought im older than her, the salt she ate is more than the rice i ate, hahahaa....

ivy, she is really kind of a good catch for anyone that is single, she drives a car ( same model as me, lolx ), work as a teacher, teach secondary english and history someone.She is single, pretty and cute.....she is a happening teacher, a teacher that clubs often and smoke, hahaha....since august we had been contacting throught sms and msn....but unknown to us, we had been in each other msn for 1 year plus....my first date out with her was a dinner at katong hongkong cafe then ktv at oriental plaza just beside berry thai pub where used to go with angeline.
she is really a good singer, that day we sing in hall, she really let me see her power, she sing so well in chinese, let me think of fel, fel sing very well in english.....both are the power pack singers....ivy asked me sing duet with her, i told her any duet as long as in chinese i know, cause im good in it...hahaha.

The most funny part was once i went club with ivy and her sisters at lunar, her best friend thought im her colleague, thought im a teacher too...kris said im a PE teacher.....the sisters commented me said im a nice guy, i really hate girls saying im a nice guy, cause so what nicee, always get treated badly by ppl esp girls.

I had not been blogging in cmstory.blogspot.com since 27 aug 2009, the month of sept is a sweet month for me, because i began to trust her again, meet her a couple of times in the month of sept...so easily i began to trust her again,she just need to mention something, i will take note of it....just like a memo pad.

im very sad, once again i lost trust in her....now even as a friend....but i told myself it is part of life, after what happened with felicia during april to may period....that was the first time i cried this year, cause i was really very heart broken....again history repeat again....im at fault by treating ppl nice, what sandra and xiaoqing said is the truth about me.

xiao qing mentioned that i always fall but fall half way only.....im too persistant and strong will, my stubborness lead the half way fall me,this 2009 is really a bad year for me, i had not been happy in love life,$$$ and work too....so fast ,nov and dec coming....im human, i also like surprises and happiness...but i knew i will not get ...i always need to learn from my own lessons, but seem like im not learning.....ppl really take my kindness for granted.

At work, im now hanging and choosing if im going to sign for life or cross over to the casino line, im still considering, in love, it is like forever bad luck since 2003, $$$ now im in a crisis, im in debt myself after helping ppl so much, now i dunno how to help myself...since starting from jan till now, i asked myself, have i ever dote myself or buy anything i like for myself, the answer is NO.I keep buying things for ppl i like, alone felicia, i had spent a big hole, what i got in the end? not even a friendship left...now miss A .....well i never blame on them....it is myself who wanted to dote on the ppl i like.

My thai friend that born on 17 oct, Ana told me, she said i never love myself at all, she said have to love myself and dote myself first then love other...i guess what she said is right....i never love myself at all.....i always think for the person i like and love first....willingly to do unconditional things for them....but i never know that kindness will not be paid.

I really hate liar.....it make my heart so weak....maybe these life experience made myself grown up, emotionally i had to strengthen myself by all this unwanted hurt, maybe i had to thank these persons that appeared in my life....they made me realise that life is really not an easy road....as xiao qing had told me, althought she is younger than me, but the things she seen in life and play before is surely more than me...

so what you are romantic and can plan the most surprises date or birthday to the person you like or love? the most important thing is, love are you the one to the person?

april, bangkok chao praya river cruise that i had plan for felicia, that 2 hour candlelight dinner cruise is so romantic, but to her is just a normal cruise plus motion sick.

the never happened, birthday celebration that plan to give the 27 present at 3 different location also never happened....the art piece that i had made feel so wasted..

i feel like crying, i feel so tired in my heart....now i really believe what the shifu told me about, the lady that told me before, be careful of woman and $....and serangoon shifu also told me the same thing this year may....careful of $ and the woman that is going to appear in my life.....now i strongly believe them.

Sometimes i really feel so alone......i need a holiday....i may leave singapore and settle down somewhere for a period of time....now i had made my choice, i will leave my current job for sure, even thought the pay is so stable that i dun need to worry about anything...but i just want my freedom.....i want to get out of the "square box" that felicia once told me, the only way is set myself free from current job.

All i wanted in my life is happiness, not $, $ to me is not important at all, if i can use $ to see a person heart, it is so worth it....$ made people look so ugly sometimes....

2009-09-12T11:20:00.000-07:00

SEPTEMBER BLOG

I know my peeps had been wondering why i had not blog for close to 3 mths? cause im busy and too sad to blog about what happen recent...i actually did pen down a few entry at loverutheone.blogspot.com .This coming entry is actually extracted from loverutheone.blogspot.com where i wrote in there about mth of sept.

"坦白的坏人，还是放手的好人?

17 sept when i was on my way to mustafa center to buy her birthday presents.....i saw her, but i was really surprise to see her with the thai guy that she introduced me at the thai pub....i hear her calling him darling from far....suddenly i feel so depressed....i walked over and tap her shoulder and asked her, why she never got to malaysia? she had told me she went to malaysia with her aunties for a couple of days.....but i saw her there....when she told me she not going anymore and the thai guy is going back soon.....i just smile and turn back and walked away.....while i was walking away....i dunno why i feel sad.....sad cause why must she lie to me?

2 oct , she lie again, she told me her auntie is giving her a surprise, she brought her air tickets to bali and chiangmai for her coming birthday......she did not have enough $, again i lend her some.....after that i found out that she actuaally went to thailand and spend 3 weeks there with the thai bf.i knew she just treat me as a friend, but why must you lie to a friend? she can tell her other friends and family members she going to thailand to meet her thai bf.....why cant she tell me the truth and wanted to lie to me? she made me feel that she is using me.....im so sad.....she let me down once by cheating me and using me before...i trusted her again....but now again, she let me down.....she make me feel that only when i lend her $ then im a friend to her.

She knew i treat her very good, i knew love cant force.....but why must she lie? i told her before, i can accept anything about her, even that she went girls home, went prison, abortion before.....i like her now and her future but not the past...i dun mind.....i knew i cant give her whatever she wants.....when i know her costmetic used up....i offer to buy her new one.....when she no $ do hair....i treat her.....when she wanted new clothes online....i one time buy her 7 piece from whatladieswants.com .... when she is sick, i bring her see doctors a few times, when she say she hungry, i brought porridge for her or order online fast foods for her....when she told me she not using her mum hp anymore....i got her a hi card and top up 128 for her with my hp. i knew all i did is on my own will, she never forced me to do it.

She told me before, she have her choices, there are so many guys around.....she cant promise me that she will be with me in future.....i knew that....i understand.....even be friend, why must there be a lie? the 27 present i prepare all really got meaning.....i gave her 9 of them first before she left for thailand.

i felt so hurt when i knew she actually bluffed me and told me that her auntie wana give her surprise....and brought the tickets for her....but she actually had planned before hand the trip.....she just need to say she is stress and i knew what she stress about....it is all about $....she jus need to hint something....i will fall into her "trick" and offer to help her....i wonder did she wonder that how much i had help her?

she once told me when she was drunk, she had a thai bf but nothing, she likes me a little....she asked me to give her sometimes....she knew i treat her good....now i believe what she said when drunk.....but i knew she never really like me before.

she will never understand the hurt i had....cause all i wanted is to let her be happy...if she can be happy with the thai guy....i wish her the best.....but all i can say, she made me lost the trust in her again even as a friend.....i wonder what am i to her at the 1st place? a friend or someone she playing as a toy? i feel so sad as i wrote this, i maybe jealous of the thai guy...but if i know she happy....i should be happy for her.

All my care and concern are just secondary and not primary....the birthday celebration i planned for her shattered....when i knew she will be away for 3 weeeks....the leave i took are wasted.....when i told her this...she told me maybe i was not fated to celebrate with her....this hurt me......she asked me to wait for her to come back.....i say i will...

when i was browsing my email and saw someone email me a website to let me see who blocked me in MSN....i was shocked that she was actually one of them that had blocked me in MSN.....i was so crestfallen to see that.....i asked myself again, what am i to this person? im not even a friend at all.

Everytime before i went to sleep, i was so looking forward for her sms, there were a few times, when i think of her, at that moment, she would sms me goodnite.....when my hp beep! beep! everytime, i was hopping the sms sent would be her....im so easily please by her....when she send me sms, im so happy....it actually brighten my tiring day at work....

你是好人也是個壞人
對我坦誠，只爲了朝他狂奔

.............

我知道，在你的眼里，我只是一个"朋友"，但你知道我的痛吗?

容忍的人其实拼不笨，只是宁愿对自己残忍，既然爱不愉温，祝福就给你下一个人，

你是好人，也是个坏人
對我坦誠，只爲了朝他狂奔

不能放任，所以放了
这点痛我还能忍

宁愿爱一点不剩
也不忍看恋人变成路人 "

2009-08-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

roulette week

i had just started the roulette table this week, had been learning how to spin the ball, jason teach me a method that is more easier to hold on the ball against the roulette wheel.....i miss monday lesson due to my guard duty....tuesday suppose to meet someone for a meal and movie, but it end up disappointment....smses were not reply....i did not brother to call the person, cause i knew if the person is still interested, she will call or replied back....so i just went into my coma and sleep for hours on my tuesday rest.

wednesday and thursday, i went for my school, i just finished my barcarrat game, now im learning roulette table, combined lessons with my seniors from batch five...alot of ppl, very hard to learn.....but darren,cynthia,jason,chun yap,elvis and me still stick within our group .... kc and ken joined us.....they are from the new batch eight.....roulette is more interesting as it invloves more mental calculation plus memory of numbers, which is my fav!!! it is quite challenging....we have to memorise the bets and the pattern of the bets....our roulette teacher is mr Neal, strict teacher, even our break he control...haha...cause he dun want us to miss any small details about roulette....cynthia,darren,chun yap and jason keep de siao elvis said he got the roulette face....we keep changed the pattern of the betting chips, then test elvis the payment. Our young sister, angelina miss all 3 lessons this week,last week, she told me and chun yap that she is going back suzhou to visit her family....i really enjoyed with my class, sometimes we play small joke on each other....like how we de siao elvis...then they always de siao me, say when i sms or recieve any sms, my chipping skill will up level, just because im faster than them, hahaha...

2009-08-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

boring weekend

i had a boring weekend, both weekend, i stay at home most of the time, saturday i went for my lesson, it is my barcarrat exam....this time this exam is abit tuff than the previous one, it invloves some calculation plus memory of barcarrat taboo, but lucky....im good at it....but our young sister angelina was late for the exam....our teacher for the day mr ebony still allow her to take the exam...but she give up and said she not ready...she will take another day...so she will have a make up exam....she told me she thought the exam is at 5pm...so she was late ...but actually our exam started 2pm.

our last lesson in barcarrat, mr ebony first time so friendly with us, joke and talk with our class during our face down barcarrat lessons....angelina told me and chun yap, she is going genting with her classmates at her hospitality class next month...she asked who want gf? she introduced her girl friends to us.....hahahaha...chun yap sabo me and say i need one....then angelina get my hp and said she wana ask me to join her with her friends to genting next mth....hahaha...will never happen lah, cause of my busy work.

sunday, was a full day at home until someone called me, it was nat, a thai friend i knew last time, she is in sg now.....she came here to work as escort...but she had a problem....the boss did not pay her....he eat all the $, all her friends have escape back to bangkok, left her alone in sg....so she asked me for help....lucky she had the return ticket but the going back date is on 1 sep....she wanted to go back tml...cause she is scare and alone in sg....so i did a danger thing, i went to her hotel and find her....bring her luggage and bring her to airport in the middle of the night...but she is really suay....i called cathay pacific...no one answered cause it is too late...so we went airport to try change the departure date....no one was at the counter...have to wait till tml morning....i cant just simply left her back to the hotel....if she kanna caught...she will be jialat....so to play a full kind soul....i paid for her a cheap budget ticket back to bangkok and asked her dun come back sg to work as escort anymore....this is not a good place...sg guys like to con woman...i laughed and told her.

i hope buddha will bless her safely back....i had teach her how to get back ...i left her at the airport, asked her before she leave send me a sms and tell me she had confirmed got a place in the plane. Hope everything will smooth for her....thinking of the sg boss really knn, ill-treat the workers...nat keep thank me, say very thanking for the help...lucky she got my number...i also think knn, why ppl need help always find me.....then when i need help....will ppl help me? anyway, if i dun help her, she will be jialat....cant simply left her alone at the airport, or send her back to the hotel to die...she promised me not to come sg and work anymore....come holiday can.

2009-08-19T01:20:00.000-07:00

KTV PAPASAN

I had not been sleeping quite well this few days, nothing really brother me, just that my sleeping hours is not regular....i get abit tired in the morning when work, but is ok...as i get more into action in work and to the ground with the nsf at work....i began to know their pattern and know which guy can work, and which one will eat snake one, there are actually a few who can work and i can say most of them are obedient and listen to instruction given.

today im task to handle a group of nsf again...which let me link to something funny, i link my work and my men into ktv...bird riders are my customers, im now learning to become a papa san and i have a group of nsf which i link them to be my "ktv boys" ...i can only relate my work in this manner, so it sound interesting....im also provding a customer service to these bird riders....well today, im the papa san of room 6, holding room 6 handphone, im taking care of 3 main ktv boy plus some freelance boys(free man that help up) that make up my team....as the papa san and the in charge of them, i have to make sure that my boys check and service big bird correctly so that they could give the bird riders a good ride in air....make sure that my customers are satisfied.

My 3 main ktv boys were chong lian,derrick and zijian, which i call them my ang pai, cause they are the one who directly provide the service to bird rider and ensure the bird birds are safe for bird riders to use.I have a few freelance boys like nicolas,rijun....because they are senior enough to be freelance....they are the one who assit my ang pai in preparing big bird in operation.

I was once a ktv boy too that had been to usa trained for 2 years, now now back in sg, from a junior ktv boy,i became a senior ktv boy then now im now promoted to become a assistance papasan or sometimes a papasan when my regular papasan is not around....my role as a papa san is to ensure my boys do their job correctly under the "ktv lyrics jg book", follow the instructions.

As a papasan, is not easy, i have to ensure my 3 to 4 ang pai work well, made sure that they work safely, last time when im a ktv boy, i only handle a big bird, now i handle 3 to 4 big bird and taking care of the boys.I believe as the papasan, you have to sweat with your boys and work with them, so you could gain their respect in you, there is a certain responsible in you, as we have customers like bird riders, must ensure we provide a good service to them.
Anything happen to the boys, papasan have to answer everything.....

This few days, the ktv boy trainers kwong ming and mc had been bringing the new not qualified ktv boys, about 10 to 12 of them to room 6 and 7, had been teaching them how to service big bird, how to provide a good customer service to the bird riders.....they had been taking over the "singing to big bird" (launching) from my 3 ang pai, that gives my ang pai sometime for a rest and the new not qualified ktv boys also assist in pumping water into big birds body and water bottle....assiting them in service and checking big bird....i find it so cute when the non qualified ktv boys called my ang pai or freelancers , they call them not by name, but call them seniors....and they address me as sgt which means papasan.

There is a small incident happened today, where one of my freelance and waiter ( weapon ) told bird rider something which is not really that true, because of the dry ice effect, after they get down from the "sofa seat", as the papa san after the bird riders, i have to entertain them and ask them if the big bird is providing them a number 1 ,2 or 3 class service...the freelance and waiter just told bird rider something....wow lau...they just dunno the dry ice effect cause due of the hot weather, the dry ice effect came out....instead they told him it is the "smoky drink",i told the rider no, it is actually the dry ice effect and not smoky drink....the rider also agree that it must be the dry ice effect....cause if anyhow report that it is the smoky drink that we provide, complain until my CEO....we will all be hang! cause it is not true...we cant just anyhow give judgement to the riders....after that i told my freelance and waiter, we have to make things clear before we tell riders anything, we are the one who provide service to them....we just cant tell them anything we not sure, that incident is surely not a smoky drink....if they anyhow complain to the CEO, we will be trouble....im certain and very assured that it is the dry ice effect and not smoky drink...later i told my shift manager jp about it....he shocked...but i told him, i told riders it is not smoky drink, the rider also agree.

my shift manager had been giving me a few pointers how to be a papasan in room 6, what are the things to look out for in the "singing book", this week i had been twice as papasan....it is stress, but that amount of stress i can and confident of coping it.....cause im confident with my work as a senior ktv boy.....hahahaha...

i think what i had wrote and describe about my work, only ppl in big bird world know.....my peeps and friends, i just link my work to like ktv nightclub...lolx.

i was talking with jp the whole morning and afternoon when the ktv boys were doing their work....we both agree, kantang land life is more enjoyable and fun....we miss arizona!

2009-08-17T08:42:00.000-07:00

a balance between work and study

today i was late for work, jialat, i could not sleep....sunday i did not went out to party or what, i just went to meet milcent for lunch and talk talk, cause he is back from arizona for his holiday in sg....i went home 5pm....then i slept till 11pm....maybe in the day i slept too much...that is why at night cant sleep....i slept at 2am then wake up 645am...6am is the time to report work.

i quickly called back and told the guys im gonna be late....i just woke up....after my training at mtf, now fully back to operation at bee domes, my role at bee domes now is no more bird launcher...but as a 2ic or sometimes like today as a ic to take care of 3 big birds and some nsf....is totally different from what im doing last time....abit of more responsible....it is part of my job....anyway, i just wish work peacefully and go home early everyday and most important, dun affect my study.

today lesson at school, angelina joined back our class....raj was our teacher today.....ivan and elvis joined us too today.....we were all confused by angelina suddenly part time student then full time, and then now she joined back as part time student.....so we called her two time student.....hahahha....raj reminded us this saturday barcarrat exam is not easy......die die must study....today i saw my 2 pretty seniors....actually saw them a few times.....one of them got the tink tink tink eyes...they having exam today...supervisor exam.

Just as i was laying on my bed...i was thinking of miss a,shit! she let me miss her, suddenly miss a just sms me goodnite, the whole day we had not sms each other,then suddenly came this sms from her.... actually this few days...except today...we had been sms each other ....she had proved to me she had change for the sake of her family and her self....now she sleep early and wake up early...she is doing a "puasa" for a praying.....hope the praying help her la.....maybe it could help her get rid of the drinking habit too....get rid of the evil spirit that haunt her in the dream.

Suddenly, jenny sms me and asked me wana go thai club, berry or not, i really got shocked, how come she is also hook on that place? she said she want someone accompany her go drink....ermmm...i really sense something not right.....she later call me and told me she wana do one guy...she just dun wana tell me what happen? im very tired....keep ask her what happen,she dun wana tell me....i dun wana go cause i dun wana see another person so drunk and jialat...

This jenny, very funny....i had not meet her 2 years liao since i went to kantang land....i remember last time she accidentallly leave her hp with me....then 2 days later then i know her hp is with me....im amazed too that she hook on thai club also recent, sabai sabai is her fav...this beauty, her mum is a thai....dad sg... i still rem last time wake me up in the morning 3am, go eat supper....there are a few ppl that wana meet still not meet since i return from kantang land, like jenny,krislyn,jaxmin, sharum....must find time meet them!

2009-08-15T07:21:00.000-07:00

Barcarrat taboo

saturday lesson at school is a fun one, ricky personally teach me how to do opening and closing of a dealer table.There is actually few kind of barcarrat, high roller face down, normal barcarrat.....these few weeks we have been learning the normal barcarrat....today we learnt high roller VIP face down barcarrat...which is very fun and exciting.....no limit bets.....the banker and player can up each other.....wow lau, the whole class tease me today say i suay...bet what lose what....jason give us a 4d number today, 6782, so chun yap,darren,cynthia and me went to buy 4d during our early dinner break.

mr ricky had fun too teaching us, cause we played as if we were high roller, tempo was so high.....when we could peep at the cards....hahaha....right after dinner, my luck came back....must be the 10 pork meat ball i ate....lol....i hit banker 1 dragon strike in a row....keep winning on my banker bets....always get win on natural 9 or 8.

our chips minimum 5k, maximum 100k....each of us take turns to deal the cards.....and ricky also taught us how to beware of barcarrat scam.....the security on the table....how to look out for "danger" players.

next saturday is my barcarrat exam.....i hope i can score A again! cause the recent casino exam, casino history and foundation exam, the whole class got A....this time i must study, cause the barcarrat taboo is not that easy.

2009-08-14T12:18:00.000-07:00

The actressers in my life

main actressers

1986 - hui juan - kindergarden 1st crush i only know she stay tampines....

1987- lijun - my primary classmate that sit just 2 row in front of me, i and my best friend, alan, we like her at the same time.

1988 - lijun

1989 - lijun - althought still like lijun, but never think of having a gf, just like being with her in our class, maybe she is cute and fun to play with.

1990 - mengyi - i changed my target from lijun to mengyi after i noticed this girl transfer from loyang primary to my school, east view primary, she had a cute pony tail....that time many guys like her, include henry, meng da and justin......all my love rivals...i also never think of chasing mengyi, just enjoy like her at a corner.

1991 - mengyi

1992 - ka ying , she is from hong kong, her family migrated to sg cause of 1997 return of hongkong to china, she was my classmate and sit beside me, she was half a head taller than that time....we used to quarrel in class everytime, then we became buddies.

1993 - ka ying from buddies, i dunno why i began to like her, that time i become taller than her by half inches, hahahaha...but i know she like my good friend, jian wen....so i just keep quiet and concentrate on my PSLE.

1994 - no one, cause my class is all guys - i suspect myself being a gay after a guy classmate confide in me and said he likes me, he was shawn.We did nothing....just that this secondary one, suddenly i think that malay girls are pretty.

1995 - zurina - i got this big crush on my malay classmate, she is pretty with long hair, till now i think she is pretty....she later became my friend, sadali's gf...during that time, a malay girl class mate name azelia asked me to be her boyfriend, everytime tease me, hold my hands, filrt with me, quite cute and pretty, but my eyes is always on zurina.

1996 - joyce she is a national taekwondo fighter, a sport woman, i like her because she looked like kaying.

1997 - joyce she kater became my friend, manyong's gf, but they lasted 6 mths....knn...manyong knew i like her still wana chase her then haolian to me, make me sad that time....but i hack care concetrate my N level and i scored 5A.

1998 - no one, cause im crazy over my o level project and exams, and i score well enough for me to go into a JC, but i choose not to go.

1999 -lily a 40 years old aunty i knew at work at changi airport, i really got a crush on her,cause everytime we took bus 53 together home, she is old but she is very pretty, and she is my supervisor....i will purposely wait for her to go home together......lolx....i dunno why i just like her...maybe motherly love.

2000 - elizabeth - the girl i knew from temasek poly inca camp, our first encounter was a game, that we played water, she is very pretty, alot of ppl like her.....one of them is strongest yet weakness rival, steven....he thought he could win her heart...but he lost too....i actually like her for over 1 year in a corner. only my bestie, thura and robbie knew i like her, we gave her a call sign name classic.

2001 - elizabeth - we got closer when she came to join my class, i was delighted and happy cause the girl i like is in my class and also the same time, i knew i had another rival, jack my classmate is also interested in her.....but he lost tooo...hahahaha....and i lost too after i wrote a love letter at my bestie house, thura....and asked another bestie, robbie to post the love letter to her house letter box...2 weeks later, she sent me 3 voicemail in pager and told me, sorry we can only be friends.....i was kind of heart broken....but later we became project mates too.

libin - she was actually my secondary school classmates for 3 years, i never thought i would be interested in her because of bus 15, everytime i take bus 88 to pasir ris to change bus 15 to temasek poly...we very lucky....everytime sure meet at pasir ris interchange and got to tp together and the same seat....then we did went out a few times ..... i did give her a call sign name ice kacang, only thura and robbie knew who is ice kacang. 2001 big walk, i asked her along, that time she brought the guy she like to the big walk too....then i knew my love had turn crestfallen.

2002 - elaine, pop corn jie - she is 1 year older than me, i knew her because of 1 person name jos,in 2001, i was playing IRC that time....this guy name jos actually asked me to join his channel #langzi^yuan, at there i knew many good friends, like jean da jie, jeanne er jie, elaine pop corn jie, jos aka langzi, gavin aka moomoo and my favorite shi mei , grace, who had been my very good friend till now, the person who always remember my birthday since 2001, really thank her very much, when i was down everytime, she never fail to lend me a ear.

pop corn jie, when i like her, she a bf that time, very shaky....she will cry and call me everytime and talk on phone....she will call me anytime in the night, when im school or when i pangsai....i never told her i like her until that day i went for BMT...i actually wrote her a website and express my feeling to her, till now the web is still in the web.....she send me sms and told me, she only treat me like a didi....she never like a younger guy.....hahahaha....so sad....during that time when i saw the sms, i was preparing doing my 5BX and 24km road march......now pop corn jie is married....im very happy for her....she actually wrote me a email when she knew im sad about julie that time.

2003 - jinyen- the 1st love that i will never forget in my life, the girl who let me knew what is call heart break, we lasted for 10 mths, during these period we had simple life together, i even created a website to remember her, it is located at my blog link under 1st love..

2004- carlin, the record holder of my phonechat, i chatted with her 11 hours non stop in phone from 11pm until next morning 10am.The girl that i walked to bukit panjiang with her from orchard....Can i say we are together for about 6 hours? cause she agree to be my gf at 10pm when i was on phone with her in orchard but called me at 4am to say sorry....her ex bf saw my blog and angry...she wants to go back to her ex bf

2005- amy, the 2nd gf, she was once a model,1 leg step 3 boat.....bukit timah road, bus 174, chinablack clubbing was our memories.....in the middle of sex say sorry to me, cause she blufff me her age, lolx. i buy 4d together with her mum, her mum wanted me as god son.

joeann - i meet her in late 2005, she is someone who treat me very good, there was once i was just joking how i wish i could have a packet of hongkong mee now , i was talking to her in phone, then i fall asleep, 30 mins later, she called me and wake me up, she said she under my block, she brought me hong kong mee, i was so touch and surprise.....during that time, she had a leo bf, she wanted me to be with her, but i dun want...cause she had a bf.....and she is really a rich girl. her dad is sg number one bookie plus ah long....she stay in a 3 storey high house at thomson road, i sent her home once before....i began to contact her less because i really dun wana break her relationship with the bf.

2006- nun- the thai girl i knew in korat hatavaj, my thai teacher,she is a good girl.
ah yu( sassy ) the vietnam girl i knew in sg, u-turn pub, teach me scold vietnam bad words, talk to me in chinese, came to my house because i want her to, we had mcdonald suppers, come my house use yahoo messenger and talk to me in phone for 6 hours in chinese.i made her never work few days just to accompany me, cute violent girl who always pinch me.we lost contact, because she kanna caught in sg in oct 2006 and sent back to vietnam, before she left, she called me and said goodbye. she once sent me a sms said, i think of u, i no miss u but i like you dot dot....she admit she had a crush in me she said....she is quite witty....always scold me "dou ma" which means kanina....cause i like to disturb her and pinch her nose...lolx. kind of miss the fun side of her now, hope she is well in vietnam now.

2007- peipei, the girl who we had crushes over the east meet west timing,we had web cam nights and days, her night was my day, my day was her night....i made her a birthday a surprise one because of emicake, mango favorite.Her mum saw me in the web cam and said i looked like her god brother.

2008- julie,the 3rd gf, the libra filipino girl who messaged me in friendster 19 feb 2008, after that day we fall in love, and it was a mistake for us being together.....cause she is married, i was having an affair with a married person...we lasted 3 mth......and it happened in kantang land....althought it is a short time, we had simple life together, cooking together, shopping in the day....and watching filipino movie at home.She made me cry once, we cried together in phone.Till now, she divorced, she is happily working at kantang land, we are still friends finally, we do call each other or sms each other when we are free.....i use skype to call her in usa.She is the girl that i will never forget in life too....we had the most greatest and thrilling sex.I think we are crazy cause we even make a video of our sex, that video is demolished after we parted but only 2 of us saw the final product, we were the actor and actresser and also the directors....lolx.

2009- felicia - a ex good friend that i know for 2 years,i fall in love with, someone who i actually saw her in another person's blog, and i get to know her throught the link there and somehow i got her blog and friendster, and msn,someone whom i really read her whole blog from 2005 to 2008, i read every entries .......someone who spent xmas eve 2008 with me, someone who actually went to bangkok with me twice, share some fun laughter at bkk, a mistake night after route66, someone that i dote very much,someone who watched movie with me 5 days in a row at bangkok plus 1 ktv session....someone that i care.....someone who is the first female passenger of my car.....someone who made me very upset and sad...someone that i had irritated her so much that she hate me....and someone who is no more a friend anymore.Someone who made me cried over a one sided love....someone who made my volcano erupted.....someone i will remember for life.

catherine - the filipino friend i knew after julie in 2008, we finally meet in 2009 after she came to sg again, the single mum of two is really a pretty lady, elegant smile, sexy figure, sweet smile, a friend that i confide in, we talked about life,future and past, a mature lady that i admire, althought we are just friends, we did had some notti sessions, yes, we had sex,no force, it just happened naturally....we both admire each other kisses, cause we had the greatest french....she said im a good kisser. She went back to cebu planning to get marry in nov 2009.

angeline - someone that i pity? someone that i really wanted to help her to get out of the dark ways......someone that i like, i dunno why? someone that suddenly will let me miss her....someone that i like to look at her eyes when having meals.

2010? simi lang? an tiang? who will be the lead actress? or maybe 2011, 2012 or 2015 then appear la....let fate decide, shall we?

2006 is a good experience with fling, after that no more, i dun fancy this kind of hi and bye relationship, it sucks, cause i treasure the ppl around me, if i dun, i wun shed tears for a few ppls.

c0-actressers

karine - the girl who never fail to talk to me in phone everyday since 1999 to 2000, we talked in phone almost everyday, at least 4 days per week, at least 3 hours per day....everytime our phone chat started around 11pm ended somewhere 4am or early. She is my 1st online friend, the first friend i made online....we share the common interest cause we like carebears....i dunno why we had so much things to talk ....we really chatted everyday in phone without fail. we talked about present,past and future....till now we dun talked in phone, but we do msn sometimes.

krislyn - i knew her in 2002, a friend that later became my god sister, the only god sister i had in my life till now, she is a good friend who always listen to me when im sad....when im down during the first break up with 1st love, she was there for me.....she lend me a shoulder to cry on....till now, i still consider she as a good friend.

grace - we address each other not by name, she call me muyi shi shiong, i call her rain shi mei last time, but now she call me shi shiong still, the friend i knew in 2001 till now , a very good friend that always be there for me when im down, always listen to my problems.....she is really a hardworking girl, i seen her work hard study for her dip, then her degree.....all by her own hard work and hard earn saving....friends forever...she will be in the top invited list next time when i get marry, hahahaha.

jaxmin
my last time double clubbing good friends, with tommy,natz,rebecca in 2005, a friend that always support reading my blog....a good friend that we always chat in msn when free.

sandra - a friend i made in 2007 wholivesnearyou, what i can said about her? she had been a great friend this 2 year, this cancerian really know me well, cause im taurus, she knew when is the time i get emo....and she will be the doctor to cure my emo...i had already gave her a award, best actresser in life lolx....cause she told me something that i really pei fu of her....she is a sweet friend that make me breakfast that time when i bring her nephew to zoo.

Sharon - 2009, single mummy of one, she is good in making me laugh when i emo, she cheer me up in msn....a good friend that have potential to be like grace.

The flings

2006 was really like a fling year,all the fling happened this year and after that no more, maybe because of amy....i hate to be toy like a third boat.

2006 - rain - the girl who bite me during our partyworld ktv session, french me in the ktv room,after our prata supper, took the pack of condom at 7 eleven and looked at me and asked me, "shall we?" and we did. And i even send flowers to this fling at her work place.

2006 -nourene - Not to be mention....we had funny fun fun fun.lolx

2009-08-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

freelance tyre changer

This whole week, i had been in night shift, i had miss some lessons in school but lucky for thursday, the god in heaven is at my side, off work so early that i actually can make it to my exam.

I had changed 2 nose shoes and 5 main shoes of big bird total in this 4 days of operation, is like 2 per day, and including 2 up and down of big bird water bottle in the center....plus the transfer of "water" out of water bottle check....all the task done, im in charge, basically im the freelance of all, whenever any place need me, i willl go change the shoes...there is a change in me, last time i used to see my seniors like fang, chua bong, leong k f, changed big bird shoes....and im the assistant helping to cut shoes laces, jack big bird legs, and prepare the operation tools.....and now im the "doctor" in charge of these operations, im the one who operate on big bird legs and checking these socks in them and i have my nsf and juniors in assit me, doing the same task i done in the past, jack big bird legs,cut shoes laces and prepare the tools.

Well, i began to get use working with these nsf, there are some good ones, not all are lazy and bad.....some are really good in their job...as i just joined back bee domes, there is a change of operation and different from the past....i still humble and lower myself and ask them how is the thing is done? i believe if you want ppl to respect you, you must show them you can work and you are not trying to act and trying to use rank on them....but some really must use rank to ask them do job....in order for a leader to get respect from your men, you must show them you can sweat with them! im happy this week with the nsfs that i lead, they are quite good and we work as a team in our operation....there is once that i actually very tired and did a wrong way, one of my junior pointed out my mistake and told me.....and it was at 2am that timing.....and i accept my mistake and told him, he is right...so i redo my job.

But i must know, i cant be mr nice to my men, if not they will try to climb up on me, i rejected 2 guys today when they asked me to sign the ojt booklet for them....cause they simply cant answer my questions in changing big bird shoes and water bottle....i asked them read and learnt again before ask me to sign....it is for their own good and for me too, i cant just sign blindly.....i maybe nice to ppl all along and now im starting to learn how to be hard to ppl.i will not sign blindly, whenever these nsf asked me to sign things, i will ask them for keys to check everything before i sign.

i know my future may not last with big bird, i still have to do my job well and make sure everything is in order and control.....i dun wana have problem in my work....i may not score, but i dun wana score own goal too....i just wana keep my fitness well for these 90 mins in the game...i maybe not the scorer in the team but at least i contribute some passes, corners or throw in for the team.

2009 is going to an end soon, with august kick starting, someone told me 2009 is the most lucky year in my life, hahahaha, is this a joke? lucky because someone made me so upset first half of 2009? or in 2009 i had met miss A,C or I? 4 months left for me to get happy.....even in the last day of 2009, 31 dec 2009...i will wait to be happy.......so long i had never had happy surprises in my life, the last one was in 2003 or in 2005? that seem so long ago....last time i used to be very happy whenever i see miss F sms, but now i get occasional or random sms from miss A or some old friends, and i be happy....

I dunno why, suddenly i think of amy, i remembered there was once that she did not meet me for the day, she cooked me a dinner, a chicken big pie in 2005.....she asked me to go to her house and have that dinner, althought the food was yucks and rather cold....i still say very nice....hahaha....that was one of the surprise i had, and i really finished that plate of cold dish with the ice cold ribena she pour me. She used to call me not by my name, she called me sunshine.....the chinablack clubbing nights.....the bukit timah park.....the bus 174......whenever she is free, she will call me in phone and asked, "hey sunshine, what are you doing? i miss you." and she will asked her little cute students sing tong hua for me in the phone.....how sweet is that?But never did i expected? she 1 leg step 3 boat....and im the third boat....everything seemed so smooth and lovely for us....until that black momo night....so dramatic that month in 2005.....everything was just a memory now.....it maybe sad,ugly plus some sweetness in that, it is just so memorable sometimes........in the middle of sex, your partner told you she is sorry, cause she bluffed her age to you, what is your reaction? hahaha, this is what i encounter with her, most of the guys will say fuck it, let continue fuck....she actually show me her IC and told me she is not 21 but 18 that year....cause she said im nice and dun wana bluff me.It could be the most funniest scene in my CMemories, but after what she told me, she became more into the sex, cause nothing brother her in the mind....that night...we had a enjoyful one.....with her hugging me all night when sleep and love bites all over the chest and neck. lolx....so long never had this feeling. so funny! the last love bites i had was from julie in 2008....she planted 8 in a row, cause she said, she wanted me to rem them.lol so mah ai.

2009-08-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

my extra feeling in future

I miss a few lessons for school due to my duty at work, i called up samathan and told her i will not be avaliable for my coming 1st casino exam, my first casino operation exam.....i miss wednesday extra lesson conducted by mr ricky, i thought i will not avaliable for the exam....but god is really on my side, thursday was a early off work day, a seldom good deal day for us, i off work at 615pm, my exam is at 7pm at turf city.....so i had to fight my way with the busy PIE traffic ....i was late, i reached about 715pm, jason called me and asked me where am i? i was on the dot scanning the door with my student pass, trying to get access to the main school door.

lucky, the class waited for me, so i did not study and actually went for this exam.....before i went to the exam, as i was changing inside my car with my curtian on.....i did flip throught a few pages and remember some key words like pascal law, and who invented routlette wheel, francisco and blanc lois and china invented paper....some casino history.....lucky i managed to do the paper, as im quite a attentive student in class, maybe more on practical than lecture.....haha.Lucky this time i managed to rush and make it to the exam...if not i will have to have a make up exam......i hear angelina, the su zhou beauty sister is coming back to join us the part time class, 2 weeks ago, she just convert to full time class, and now she wana change back to join us again....this young meimei sure lot of questions to ask again.

But now there is a change of plan, my class is joining with my seniors class, that means will be like 35 ppl in a class now, rather than just 6 of us......that is going to be a big group, the main purpose of combining is because of marina bay sands and genting sentosa is going to start their own trainingt soon before november 2009, cause they are rushing to open in 2010.....im abit sad that i cant be the pioneer dealers of marina bay sands and genting sentosa, because my contract with big bird is due only on 2012....many of my seniors and classmates had already secure a job with marina bay sand and genting sentosa.....confirmed chop got place one, some of them going to philippines for training in october....what about me? now the school is trying to pass us out and qualifry us as dealers as early as dec 2009....just in time to join marina bay sands and genting sentosa....im still thinking if i wana cancel my contract with big bird and pay some $....it is really so cool and exciting to be one of the pioneers in casino industry here.

I asked myself 1 question, do i think i have the talent in casino industry? my answer is a yes, now i had master my 5 percent barrcarat banker paying out skill, i can easily read out the payment in less than 5 sec, i knew my heart is not with big bird, but i knew i still have the duty to work and do my job....i have lot of things in my mind if i really say bye bye to big bird, i have my family to support, if i join the casino industry now, there is a 30 percent cut in my pay, i still have this 5 room hdb flat to support, my family, my car.....am i be able to support if im in casino industry now. i have to re calculate my plan in life again.....my savings in 2010 to 2020, as i already had a plan from 2012 to 2020, and my 2014, will i be able to open my horoscope cafe?

Horoscope cafe is really not a easy one, first is $ , i need at least 150k, i had the plan already few years ago.....now what i really need is $....so i had be praying on my toto every monday and thursday and also monthly big sweep....horoscope cafe is not just a cafe, it will be more like a match making agency too for singles, let them find the most perfect match in their life....there will be events for these singles....horoscope cafe is a place to chill up and relaxe on weekends, weekdays too, will have like aries month of the night, scorpio drink of the month....if i really can make the horoscope cafe theme come out, it will be the most successful dream in my life......my target is 34 years old, now 28, i have 6 years.....it is not easy.....even if i hit 40 years old, i still can open that horoscope cafe....i will still open it....cause it is my dream.

What past is past, i really cant continue to be upset about recent events, things just dun come our ways in life, but i had never think that ppl are so evil....i have to reach my 2 hands out and accept these facts....at least im facing the reality in life.....im not the perfect ppl in life, i learnt in a hard way....why ppl just wana cover themselves and dun accept the wrong in them? It is just life.

i wana say sorry to readers out there, there is a problem with this blog, i cant access to it, cause it is being lock by someone. carlin, sandra,junhao and ,many of the peeps had been msn me and asked me why my blog is locked? now is finally open.....i dunno why i cant access to the permission and let ppl read ....there is something wrong, but now i can finally access to it.

2009-08-07T23:03:00.000-07:00

blog reopen

i had close for my blog about 1 week, i had been busy with my casino management course, for about 2 weeks, i had been attending mr ricky lecture lessons aabout customer service and star dealer course, teaching us how to deal with customers at casino, it is quite interesting, we have role play and act.Saw mr raj at bacarrat table, he asked me a funny question, am i really pure chinese? ahhahahha, i said of course, i miss a bacarrat lesson under him,. i need to clock back that lesson, a make up lesson....he said wednesday go find him....he will give me a make up lesson.

monday, jason called me that ziqiang jio go ktv.....hahaha...i had been finding ppl for ktv...and i long time never gather with my batch boys....meet at amk boardway k box....ziqiang,kevin,kok leong and jason went....we sang many retro chinese old songs...and we even talk about our last time life in bee domes, there was once ziqiang and kevin make fun of me when i was sleeping....then it turn out so funny that 3 of us break down and laugh till very jialat that time.ziqiang also brought a picanto, but a yellow one...very fast.....his daughter 4 years old already. so long never go his house play mahjong...what i miss in air force are friends that i had made...esp all of my batch boys.....1 word - brother hood, learn from alvin chee....hahaha.

Miss A called me twice this week, wana borrow $ again.....this time i tricked and bluff her...till she very angry...she scold me bad words in phone.....i made her call me every 30 min and say i will transfer $ to her...in the end when i was at the atm....i decided not to...she was so pissed that she threathen me she will go do ktv gal and social escort.....say till very dramatic...she called a guy and the guy is under her house, if i dun help her...she will go to bed with the guy.....till she very angry, she said she will not call me again...anyway i dun have her number...that time when she angry, she throw away her sim card and cancel the number...now she using her mum sim card....but she dun wana give me her number.

i told her, what can she make me trust her again, give me a good reason then i will help her.....she said she promised me she never go do ktv gal or social escort, i told her this is not a good reason....anyway...today she called me again, this time she cried in phone and said she very sad....she yesterday went to do martell promoter...she drink just 2 glass, then she knock out and just now she puke till very jialat....she said she feel like dying...she wana commit suicide....she have pen knife with her now...i told her dun be so foolish....i suan her say i thought she say will never call me, that time scold me bad words till so jialat in phone....she said cause i bluff her whole day and never lend her $, THE LOAN SHARK COMING HER HOUSE.....that day she very angry that i played her out....actually this is a revenge from me, cause that time when i help her, she make me wait under her block few hours, in the end , she went out with her friends and bluff me that she out with her mum...

she said she is sorry, she know how i feel now by waiting....actually what i can trust her is , i dun see why she can t give me her number, cause this number is her mum number.....but she had been giving out to other ppl....i want the number not to pester her...but to find her...cause she still own me $, i dun wana go up her house and ask like a loan shark....i told her straight...only when i lend her $, Im a friend, when she dun need my help, she wun call me and wun give me her number....this time i trick her again....after awhile, she sms me and told me this is her number, dun call her....just sms her...cause sometimes her mum use the phone.she say she know i care, she will change....i told her i listen from left then right out can liao, eevrytime same pattern...not happy just go drink till drunk like siao char bo.This type of ppl, must be hard on her then she learn the lesson....thanks to her, make me learn how to be a hard person...i cant be so soft hearten anymore to girls.

i ask her go find job, she said she send some resume already, waiting for reply, she promised me that she will find a decent job and have a healthly life.....she called a few times and sms....i still hack care and never lend her....i told her till she give me a very good reason how i can trust her again.

Actually im quite sad, i thought 2009 will be the most lucky year in my life, im wrong, maybe it is the turning point of my life....what happen with fel, in my heart, i really hope someday will be friend again...suddenly i think of julie, so i used skype and call back to arizona to her.....think she is sleeping...so i left a voicemail to her and ask her how is she? ask her take care.....this morning she sent me a sms and greet me and asked me how am i? sometimes we do talk in yahoo or in net phone.

Was talking jos at work, he told me got so many girls appear in 2009, got miss f, then miss c then miss a now, and miss j was the past....i told him the actual full story about me and julie....actually miss the time with julie...althought what we did is wrong, but we enjoy simple life together.....i miss az carefree life....i need a holiday soon...thinking of taiwan, genting or hongkong.

2009-07-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

Miss A

i just found out something, im quite upset and very disappointed with this person, miss A.....she had just quit the job....and i think she had been making use of me.....im a fool again thought she had family problem and really need $....i pity the person and help.

Miss A, u really make ppl around very upset about u, include yr ex,parents and friends....lucky this time i did not fall in deep.....but i want my $ back......i cant force the person to pay me back so fast,cause ppl no job..i will not trust this person anymore.

After what happen with miss F and now kanna this miss A, im more stronger in emotion.....althought im upset ... but it is learning lessons in life...i just hope one day this person will wake up, stop drinking till so drunk and become another person...i did save what miss F email me weeks ago and scold me, when i read that i really wana laugh...but i feel sad for her....ppl just so ungrateful....in my life, is it so wrong to have met such person?

This time, makes me more believe in what the lady told me in 2006, and serangoon shifu told me aabout gals....that piece of A4 size paper that she wrote about my life is really showing in life now.....2009 is really a changing point.

2009-07-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

angeline

This weekends, i had been hang out with angeline, friday, acc her to see doctor for the 3rd time, the night before, she sms me and told me that she had fever.....we went to chinatown, the doctor where she used to see when she is sick last time.We were at orchard near cathy....my mum saw me and angeline together.....i was being after i got back home.

saturday night, she really pissed me off because she got drunk again...she promised that she will drink just abit and want me acc her to berry.....but in the end, she got drunk and said some funny thing too....she introduced me to her friends there and told them im her future bf.....then she hug me and whisper in my ear and said i know you treat me very good.....give me sometimes....she is really drunk....in the end got jass to send her home....

sunday night, we went to mustafa center for night window shopping, i was surprised that she wanted to go there, cause girls normally wun wana go to the place where indians are....and she was the one who suggested to go there.....at first she keep pestering me go jb with her, i say no! cause later jam.....after that we walked to lavender street there eat dim sum....while waiting for food, we suddenly like look into each other eyes, then i told her she got triple eye lid, she really had, maybe due to lack of sleep...then she said my eye lashes is very long, longer than her....hahahaha...while was on CTE sending her home, a bike came from behind very close to me and suddenly horn at me, hahaha, it was wenlin, jenny's bf...he was waving at me.....we had plan to have prata session at jalan kayu but never happen....find one day, must meet him and jenny again for prata.

Came home, i was chatting with sharon in phone, then i asked her, do i talk not like a chinese? is my chinese very lousy? as we chat more, she said yes...my chinese sound funny?.....angeline told me this too.....but i had fun chatting with sharon's son, he was on phone with me, then keep asking who am i? i said im jerson yeo, i asked for his name....i ask him guai guai go sleep...tml need to school, sharon then told me her son very demanding...wana know which guy talk to his mum and who wana date her mum.....hahaha...so clever....this single pretty mum also very funny....

This morning, angeline sms me very early at 730am, she said she had nite mare yesterday, she cant sleep well, she dream of dirty things want to haunt her.....i was suppose to pass her a amulet....one of my collection, since i have many and i dun really wear them...i will give one som det to her for protection against evil spirit.we were sms the whole morning, while she prepare to work and at work....and i was at work too...then i just test water....i asked her if she like me? i got a reply from her, she said she wun like someone easily, she need to know the person and the person need to know her well, she told me to give her sometime to know more abt me....i was just testing water...i actually never expect anything.......then i sent a reply back to her and said, then i know the answer is no, i understand and nvm.....after that i never sent her any sms till 1440pm.

At 1440pm, she sms me and asked me , am i angry with her? again i never reply her, because i was kind of busy at work......then at 1515 pm, she sent me a sms and said " i miss u..." , i got a shock, this 3 words had not happened to me very long, no one had told me this 3 words for about 1 year plus , the last person was julie when i was in canada....

This time i replied to angeline and said,
" u miss me? did you sent to the wrong person? or u press wrongly in hp?"

she replied,
"U LAH, siao ah, u dun believe nvm and forget it."

i replied,
"you dun just miss someone and scold the someone siao right, and why did you suddenly miss me?"

she replied,
"coz u dun believe me when i say i miss u....i dunno y i miss u, i know u v good to me, im really very touched."

i replied,
" so u miss alot of ppl lah?"

she replied,
"NO, i only miss my sisters and ppl who care for me only."

i replied,
"wow, then alot of ppl care for u, u miss alot of ppl lor"

she replied,
" only miss u and my sisters."

can i conclude she show some interest in me? anyway....i wun wana let history repeat itself again....i will not put my 100 percent interest in....cause i dun trust girls anymore.

2009-07-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

nothing pay good to be kind

Recently fel sent me a super duper long email, the first half was a ok one, i accepted what she said.....but the second part was rubbish from her, she is the one who said dun wana mention about the past, yet she dig out so much things to say......to scold me....yesh she mention about we were so good friends last time when im in states, we talked and share some sentimental....her second half of the blog really kill me deep in feeling more, i never expect she would write all these....i really find it so childish...i already wana let go of the past and live on with my life....yet she again email me and haunt me.

I just wana said, she is trying to claim credit that she has been a friend yet not making use of me, just stop cover everything, what happened had happened.....i just wana said she is so lousy as a friend, a friend will never shout and quarrel with you in the middle of the night, when is on your birthday....maybe i expect too much in return.....i thought i would have a card at least....or little gift for my birthday, or at least acc me for a meal.....none of it happen....im really sad about it....on my birthday still wana borrow 4k from me to repair her house air con.

im truely disappointed , as she mentioned in the mail, she know im upset....yes, but i know i have to go on with live.....already 2 mths, this thing still haunt me.

I was at berry with angeline and jass, maybe im too bored, i think of what happened in the mail, i just feel so upset.....looking at angeline drink so much, i lagi upset.....2 care soul sms and call me at the same time, when i sms them.....none other than grace and sandra.....grace shi mei had been supporting friend these years.....sandra had been my listening ear these mths, sandra said she knows my pattern....when i emo, she can sense it....maybe this cancerian is really the cure of soul for mr taurus which written in the book.....sandra is like my doctor.

I just walked off berry and drive home, suddenly i just left both angeline and jass at there, i just hack care everything......i had this fear in me, i fear if i treat angeline tool good, history will repeat again....i told sandra i need to keep a distance from her.....sandra told me something which is very true, why i always fall for someone who have trouble, then in the end im like helping the person, is it more of pity than like? she say my kindness is not pay off everytime....haha...i dunno why she said that.

angeline smsed me a few times, asked me where am i? called me and left voice mail, mum called too, sandra called too.....all i dun wana reply and answer....i just want to be alone at the moment when im in car park.....i really dun wana care anymore .... what happened with fel, i know im partly in wrong from killing that friendship....i tried my best to save it...but has she care even to save that "friendship" we had.....if she care....she would not have said, if one day we meet on the road, just pretend we dunno each other......

Maybe it is true to hack care then ppl will appreciate you, just like what i did to cathy.....i dun call her, dun sms her....she will call me and sms me, ask me how am i? this pretty mum friend i had, althought we have some indecent session.....but we know we are just friends....but i know she truely care as a friend....cause she had told me something very truthful before.....same apply to angeline when i dun call her or sms her the whole next day, suddenly she sms me, asked me where did i go yest? she say she is so sorry that she neglected me at berry.....and when i dun replied to her sms, she called me and asked me where did i go? why i nv reply her? frankly speaking i just hack care.....why must i care so much? in the end, what i get? why must i be so soft hearted? someone who dun love herself, keep drinking, drink so much can cure a problem? just hiding from reality, someone who is 27 soon, why just cant wake up? and angeline, please stop saying im a nice guy, turn me off when you said this, cause you never show me you care about your life, all you know is drink drink drink drink.....you are just making ppl around you giving up on you, even ur ex,ur mum, ur sister and ur friends.

suddenly i miss arizona life, althought life is boring sometimes, but it is simple and carefree.

No matter how harsh words i had ever used on fel or anything she had done to make me upset before, i still hope the best for her.......frankly speaking she is not a bad person, i dunno why we just cant communicate in our "channel" .... i had been treating her good, my conscience is clear.... i hope that " virgo police" will find her back.....cause i know she likes him.

2009-07-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

2nd day at tengah

today again i saw many familiar faces....morning when i was parking my car....capt cho called me from his car window....hahaha...really long time no see...we were talking and comparing our life back in arizona and singapore....we miss the life back there....i saw shawn outside susie canteen, told me he going kantang land again soon.....far behind him i saw johnston, who always called situy, ah nam kor....hahahaha...very funny last time....we used to joke about situ being the gangster leader and johnston his right hand man.

Then when i was sitting at susie canteen....someone hug me from behind....very tight....kns...it was incik chin c k, hahahaha....horseplay again....asked me why am i here? i say training, we joked again....asked him when wana train me under his trade, i wana convert....these are my pals i knew in arizona...we played hard and worked hard...im so tired these 2 day, tengah sun really so hot!

back home, when i was about take a afternoon nap...kelvin msn me, asked me acc him go orchard...he wana buy a birthday present for his gf....i had put him plane a few times, so no matter how tired, i must acc him...so i agree....angeline sms me and told me her hp got problem,auto off whole day when she was zzz....so she just recieved my sms....ask me what am i doing now?chat on phone? asked me call her in 1 hour time.....i tried to, but cant get throught.... i went to park my car at shaw tower then went to far east to have dinner....we talked about work and personal things again...i think he knows me well....maybe he had out beat thura and robbie to be my good friend that understand me most...

we went to soo kee jewellery to see diamond pendant....had a lecture session with the retail assit slaes manager,ann , where she teach me and kelvin how to see diamond and know the detail about them...was at the shop 2 hrs plus...thoese blink blink diamonds very interesting...very nice...

angeline called me and talk, we suppose to meet for dinner....but in the end, i surprise her with fish porridge to her house, she finished the whole thing in my car....krislyn also called me, i had put her plane for 3 times, suppose to meet her at punggol at her roadshow, but i nv go.....this god sis wana help me see my insurance plans, cause i buy too much...i wana cancel some.

for this herwandi thing....i noticed that the ip address is the same as the person who always wrote stupid things in my tagboard about my sister, jestina....who the hell are you? u seemed like know alot of things and people around me.....anyway...the problem between u and felicia chong, pls settle it outside and stop tagging in here anymore...how did u know felicia and my sister ? i can only think of 1 person that will do this ...but i dunno if the person know felicia and i dun wana know anything or care about anything anymore...just dun disturb my blog here, HERWANDI, YOU WANA TAG, TAG HER BLOG.....DUN COME HERE BARK AROUND....THERE IS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, AND I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU TOO....STOP WRITING RUBBISH ABOUT MY SISTER TOO....

2009-07-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

tengah.... my barcarrat lessons

today i went to tengah for training, going back there is like going back to a home....i saw many old friends, first was choon ping and ah peh at malcom canteen..then when i was parking my car, i saw incik leong, one of most respect sir in big bird world....then when i was susie canteen corridor, i saw incik angelo, hahahaha......i wave at him, he asked me come tengah do what? hahahaha, i say come training lor, train under his men...he was my pro-super back in kantang land.....i always call him superman and he call me krytonite last time for one period of time...i like to work under his shift, we worked hard and played hard....friday piss up is always fun with ktv, darts, table soccer and ice cool beer......so nice to meet old friends.

i recieved a very late nite call yesterday from sharum, but it was not him on the phone, it was his wife.....hahaha...she called and say wrong number...then she sms me asked me who am i? i told her im shaboy long lost friend, recently we found each other....im happy i finally found a friend that i always wanted to meet...his wife thought im girl....i think she is worry that he will flirt around...so i called her to confirm im guy.

today casino lesson was a fun one....only 5 person present today in my class, jason,chunyap,darren, cynthia and me ......missing a few of them....i think all miss our suzhou sister, angelina, she is not here for lesson today....even mr raj asked where is she? she is the student with most questions ....today we tried the barcarrat 5 percent pay out test..... we mixed around 10 deck of chips , there are 5 dollars,25 dollars, 100 dollars, 500 dollars and 1000 dollars chips.....we just mixed them up in 10 deck and we test each other in a split seconds have to pay out how much....chun yap, jason and me in a team.....i scored 90/100, chun yap 80/100 and jason 75/100....it is so fun....in a split seconds now, i can really tell out how much payment after minus off the 5 percent tax....like 3750 dollars minus 5 percent banker winning bet...how much is the payment? the answer is 3562.5.....now i can count this figure in less than 5 secs.. between 3 to 5 secs....it is really a challenge .

The most challenge part is every time before our lesson ends, we have to assemble back 8 decks of cards in order, sequence from spade to love, in straight flush sequence....everytime who finish first, we will go help the rest who are slower...this also train us in seeing the cards....train the eye power how to tell the cards fast.....mr raj teaches us some poker chips tricks today....flip the chips on 1 hand and do magic...it is so fun...really an art....i keep practice it even during my break time...chun yap keep saying i siao....hahaha, cause i wana flip to the chip to the betting chip, is like add on bet....hahahah.....finally i successed, cause i remembered i saw someone did that trick before back in arizona....it is so smooth in that trick.

Now only my lesson thrill me, i cant let any other external factor affect my studies, i fear something now, i scare history will repeat in what happened recently....i shall step back and see before any things goes on....i hate to trust ppl now.

2009-07-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

Barcarrat taboo

Before i went for my class today, i acc angeline to yishun polyclinc to do a x ray, after that she brought me to somewhere near her house eat fried rice and buy 4D....i just find it funny when i ask her buy what number, i peek at her numbers, she dun let me see...at least i know i got one more supporter, other than my parents and me, she is another person now buying my car number 7228 a few times.

today, mr ricky came back to teach us, angelina,chun yap, darren, cynthia and darren was early, i was like late for 5 min.....i think i shall call mr ricky my shifu, cause he had been the one teaching us all the basic rules and skills of becoming a dealer...a very caring teacher....even when other teacher is teaching us.....he will come around my dealing table and ask me, how is today lesson? and show me my mistakes.

shifu ricky teaches us the barcarrat taboo today, when to draw card for banker and when to draw card for player, and the 5 percent payout....the rule is abit confusing....i pair up with cynthia today....we test each other our skill in 5 percent payout....she keep saying sorry that she is slow and always pay wrong $, i say is ok....we are learning...althought im much more faster than her....as a gambler myself how can i afford to have short changes from dealer? i actually know how to calculate these 5 percent taxes when im in arizona during the time im paying paigow poker every week end..... for example? a bet of 375 on banker , and 5 percent tax is how much? as dealer, have to know in a split sec, the answer is 18.75 and need to pay not 18.75 but 375- 18.75 = 356.25.

too bad today im not pair with chun yap, if not confirm let him "die", i will give him odd figure...he was pairing with angelina today.....this youngest sister in our class, she get confused about the tax, during dinner break, she keep asking me 100 bucks, tax how much? then 50? 25? 10? 5? althought she is foreign and from china, i find she is the most warm hearted person in the class, i can say we singaporeans are so ugly....i mean she not selfish...when we ordered drinks, she stand up and paid for our drinks and treat us...and she ordered extra dishes to eat, but placed in the middle of the table and share with us, this little actions shows how a person is brought up....how not stingy she is.

But i found it hard today when cynthia commented about something about china ppl, it is very rude! when angelina is just one of them and our classmate....cause darren ordered some food...the hawker from china gave him the wrong food.....darren comment that they dun have the heart to cook the food....cynthia said china ppl are like that lah! i really find it damn rude!!!!! because not everyone from china is like that.....HEY SINGAPOREAN CHINESE, YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHERE ARE THE ROOTS OF YOU, our ancestor from china too....this poor angelina, the youngest sister in our class just keep quiet.....she is also very funny, keep asking me and chun yap how to set silent mode on her new N86....

I think our brought up in sg is totally different from other countries kids....we enjoyed luxury life since young....we dunno what is pain, we never encounter any war before, any natural disaster before...serious speaking i only feel proud when say our country is clean.....but i dun feel proud being a singaporean....if there is going to be major terriost attack or a war out break in sg.....the truth is, the rich one will run first...left the poor defending sg.....we just never encounter these problem before since world war 2, the generation now just too sux!!

I had about 1 more week left in training before i go back to bee domes, when back to bee domes, my schooling time will be affected...i asked to work on permanent morning shift, i was rejected ....i need to have many make up lessons for sure....seriously speaking, i dun have the heart in the big bird world anymore.....andy told me few days ago, my name is in the list of upcoming tomyam trip next year march, means i be going thailand again for 5 weeks? i dunno if he is joking with me....i dun feel like going...althought i like thailand....i really need to make a decision fast for myself.

I was disturbed by a friend sms today when having class, she ask me will i be angry if she meet me later after my class, cause her friend got her a lobang to be a social escort, and it pay good $....damn! i was so surprise by the sms she sent..i replied her and tell her better dun do it, again make ppl disappointed abt her...althought she has the look and quality to be one....she said just accompany the tourist for 4 hours and pay 500 bucks....$ really make a person look so ugly.....i hate materialistic ppl...why life cant be simple to some ppl? again i asked myself why must i care about this? it is actually not my problem...just cause i care and i dun want her to do that.She just dunno how to love herself.

2009-07-17T04:51:00.000-07:00

yesterday once more?

This week at work, i had been seeing the 1st batch of NSF like weijie,zhan bin, kok fai,alan and many, they are back for reservist, so happy to see them, i always think the 1st batch of nsf is the best, they can match our regular team work... not forget the 2005 last min band formed by me,weijie,heng jaw and xianxiang....haha...incik yip asked us to represent changi....so we formed the band 1 month before the competition at chervon.

It was really fun, heng jaw and xianxiang the guitarist, weijie as the er hu player, and me the vocalist , we performed the song - an jing by jay zhou.It was a nice experience, and in the big bird world, we came in 4th out of 9 contestants.....i remembered a few nsf came support us, incik yip and alvin chee was there....incik yip was pulling votes from us....hahahaha...so funny...those were the days.....that period i was dating that model gf, amy.....i remembered that night after the singing, i went to bukit batok find her....we spent the whole night taking pictures at the playground and talked.

Seemed like going to kantang land and now back to sg like a dream , so fast time files, the bee domes now is so different from last time.....i miss the last time 2004 to 2006 bee domes, the ppls, now so many ppl left and even incik yip....now the bee domes is just a sup version of kantang land crews.....i miss 2006 korat crews, where we worked hard and played hard.....i became fat too hahaha....i think my face look more round....i miss the sharp looking feature me.

yesterday in msn, sandra warned me, she said recenly im like putting a step into hell again.....cause i treat girl so nice....scare i might fall again into woman's trap...scare that i might like angeline.....yeah i noticed that too, im scared, im cautious too but im just too soft hearted when ppl need help....im disappointed with angeline cause she is really drunkard....forever drunk in her life....have probs dun wana face it, keep drinking......i gave her a lecture today...cause she is just not facing reality, i hope she wake up! she is not young anymore....seem like everything she do is not serious.

I saw julie in yahoo messenger yesterday, we talked alot...im gald that we are friends again....we joked that we miss each other in sex...but the truth is yes....she said if she had not be with steve that time, and maybe we together, our baby would been 1 year old....hahaha.....now she left steve, she is working and staying with a girl friend but she is a illegal alien now there, cause she dun have a green card...anytime she might get caught and sent back...im partly wrong in this thing...im sorry....maybe recently thing happened to me is a karma act on me.

She said she owe me so much, because i had helped her in $....she said dunno when she would be able to pay me back....i dun want her to pay back...cause once she treated me good before, i will always remember who good to me and who bad to me in life. I just hope she could work and apply a green card soon....she asked me when am i able to go kantang land again? i told her is hard...i would love to go back there and see her.....i remembered that time when we together, we had simple life....we cooked together and eat....go shopping for babies clothes for her niece.....i knew what we did was wrong....but it is also a kind of sweet memories. I asked about albert, she told me she had not contact him anymore, he maybe going marry soon....haizzz....i hope julie will find a guy to protect her and give her the real home she wants.

Now im starting to plan my life, i maybe going to make a important decision in my life, cause i may want to leave big bird before 2012.....i wana get out of this birdy world, but am i ready for the outside reality world? it is more challenging, more danger and evil womans, more ppl carry "machine guns" rather than "forks" and"spoons"..... i need to be ready...so that i will not get bully outside world....maybe recent years of experience in life, im able to cope abit....cause i master the skill of "ninja" cause i avoid the poking of "fork" and the stir of "spoon"

The only problem im facing now is $, cause i scare i might not be able to sustain the houseloan, car loan im having now....the monthly hdb flat instalment, im the only one carrying this load now....cause my father show hand 1 year ago.....car loan i still can managed......the stupid me, recently mood not good, i went back to find ah kai again....yes, i had been betting soccer again to pass some lonely times....i win some but now i lost alot....

suddenly i miss the song by chirstian bautista - the way you look at me, how people look at you? have u think of it? for now, i knew got 1 person look at me in a different way...fel looked at me in a detest way....she look down on me, cause she said im ungentleman.....ok i agreed to that...i am not maybe....but in your eyes? what am i? if i have a chance to turn back times, i will not tell her i like her...and everything will not happened till like that....at least the friendship is there...till now im still sad about what happened 2 months ago.

2009-07-16T11:15:00.000-07:00

movie in life

I still cant get to sleep even im tired, i just wana watch the thai movie - love of siam .... thai love story movie are so sweet, so pure....sometimes i dream that im one of the actor inside those love movie....but in reality, my love life suck, movie play scripts are so nice...but not my life scripts.

I always said life is a like a movie, well, i think my life is one....i played a few role in my life till now....at work i played a role of a tann guy, my role is call xiao hei, been in big bird world for 7 years, just return from kantang land 3 mths ago, spent 2 years 3 mths at kantang, leanring and exploring another part of the world, working with the ang mohs had been a good experience and fun for me as the role of xiao hei.

Unknown to all, 15 years back, i acted in a movie, and the movie name is call KFC ( Kentucky Fried Chicken), i was sec 4 then, having my N level.... the first time in my life i learn to work and earn some extra pocket $, i use the $ i earn to buy psp games, food for school....that time, while ppl having gf and bf, i never think of having one, my target was passing my N level with flying colours and go O level, cause my main aim is temasek poly...i did it. That time i work with azmi at KFC, i dun have a name that can let my manager and crews to remember me, so my manager gave me a name call wilson, and i used that name for 9 mths ...i was called wilson for 9 mths at tampines central KFC....during that time, im a cook for mashed potatoes everytime and that my fav job....i remember that time i had a crush on my working mate, i think she likes me too...very funny...everytime she came to work, she will take a glance on me and we will exchange look....haha...there was once both us cook mashed potatoes together and we eat snake together ....we ate the mashed potatoes we made in the kitchen and we laughed ....it was so sweet...from that day onwards, we will say hi and talked when we work....she teached me how to make zinger burger that time.

17 years old after my o level, when ppl were busy dating, im busy working hard for earn $ for my first computer....so i worked at chiam thiam pte ltd cleaning SIA aeroplanes for 6 mths, that period of time is the time i knew sharum....shaboy....one of my best malay friend....and i get to know many malay aunties like auntie anie,aunt bibi, auntie sati who treat me like their own son, everytime cooked dinner for me...that time my name is call yeo.That period of time i knew some good friend like weider, brother mcdonald, melvin, ishak, botak and sister lia.....that period, im machiam a chinese body playing the role of a malay boy.....cause i speak malay, listen malay everyday....hahaha.

Then came jerson, in the internet world, where friends knew me as, and in my outside and casino world, jerson is the role im playing now... and unknown to some, muyi is my pen name in the cyber world, where i wrote some writings in here...hahaha

Life is like a movie, my life is with sadness more, laughter less, anger seldom, pain seldom....playing the role of good guy is not easy....cause get bully easily by girls....life after 28 i will learn to be a bad guy so that i can protect myself....why so serious? this will be the motto to myself....hahahahah

Now my car mileage meter is 9947, for the first 4000, someone spend most of the time with me in the car, from 0 to 4000 km, dunno when the actual traveller will sit in and complete the journey with me.

2009-07-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

Jerson ? Jason?

No matter how tired am i? i still need to go for my night lessons, this is my 1st step to get out of big bird world and enter the new IR and reality world.

Today a new teacher take over the class, i was late for about 10 min due to PIE traffic jam....mr Raj, our teacher for the day....mr ricky was busy testing my seniors , he conducting a exam.Mr Raj asked for my name, and then jason name, hahahaha....he got confuse by the two name..instead, he call me son.....he asked me how old am i? i said im 28, he thought im joking with him....he said i look like 23....then angelina pop out and said nope! he is like 18, hahahahaha...today only 6 of us present, chun yap, cynthia,darren, jason, angelina and me....in the class angelina and chun yap are the youngest at 23.

Whole class teased her today, cause her hp keep ringing, mr raj keep asking her not to answer the phone, we are having lessons....all teased her, her bf called, she said hope...is her japanese friend....she will always pop out funny question and make the class laugh, maybe she is young and naive.....this su zhou pretty babe is just like a small sister to us, keep asking me teach her how to pick the chip fast...as usual i told her, just continue and dun stop....grab and dun let go.

today, we learn the basic rule of barcarrat and practice the shuffling of 8 decks blackjack cards in 12 mins, mr raj pointed out my mistake in handling the card....i should place my thumb above and not under the card....so that it is presentable.He told me, the casino table is a stage of mine, im the dealer, the stage belongs to me....how i perform on the table is an art...every actions show...the smile on a dealer face is important....hahahaa, the art of firtling on the table is important, that is why? we have a former miss singapore here to teach us how to doll up ourselves.

Me and my classmates had fun during chipping and cutting session, chun yap again teased me, say i need someone to sms me then i will go fast....hahaha...because last week, i can sms and chip at the same time , yet im the fastest chipper.....my 1st test is coming soon....i hope i can score well!

After lesson, i went to hougang green to have prata alone, with the cold ice teh cino, plus newpaper....i just feel so relaxe....after finish my late dinner...i sit down there reading newspaper ...suddenly i think of something...i think of cathy,angeline,krislyn and sharon...because these 4 persons about the same group age...from 1980 to 1982, consider mature age for woman....cathy, this filipino hot mama is a mother of two, what i guessed was right, she sms me this morning and told me she going back this 28 july to cebu, she is trying to hint to lend some$ i guess, but sorry, i had help you much, enough...angeline who had just break off with bf, till this age, she still like to party and chiong , krislyn has gave up hope on guys but she is working hard at work, i happy for her, she brought a car recently....and sharon the single mum of one, is also working hard at work and also for her 8 years old boy....he is her only motivation.

what can i conclude on these 4 woman? two single mum working hard for their childrens, 1 career minded woman and the last one is a someone who is lost now, still searching to find a direction of her own....different ppl have different kind of life, and the man they need in different too.

2009-07-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

Sharum - shaboy my long lost friend!

Finally! one of my wish that i always pray here came true!!! i finally found shaboy, consider one of my good malay friend, one of my brother in my life, our birthday is just 2 days apart....last time when he engaged, im one his special guest and witness the malay traditional wedding ceremony.

We had lost contact for years, i thought i would never have chance to see him again! but i did! It happened at orchard heeren, just outside level 2 HMV...i was with angeline....thanks to her...cause today she say she wana go orchard...so we went.....i was talking with angeline then we walked past a shop....then i noticed 2 malay guy keep looking at me, i just turn back and stare back.....hahahaha!!! i just run up and give up a pack on sharum shoulder.....he scared he might called the wrong person, last time he always call me yeo, with the group of malay aunties who treated me like son..unknown to many ppl...i actually understand malay language and able to speak abit, cause of them.....last time i always mix with shaboy and the malay aunties.

Im happy for sharum, he is married now with 2 kids....1 boy and 1 girl....im really happy! i keep telling angeline the whole day, one of my wish had fulfilled , cause i finally found a important friend of mine....actually sharum had also tried to contact me throught azmi, but all lost contact! sharum teased me and asked me am i marry? angeline my gf? i say no la, just friend....i told him still the same, no ppl wants me.im really happy to find him again....one of these days must go pay visit to his house and see his kids.

angeline's voice became more jialat....more man....more sore...as promised i got her 2 bottle of honey drink...she sms me the whole afternoon saying she suddenly feel so lost and lonely....actually she is not....she have more friends than me....she had her sisters...today she asked me few questions and that few questions i had answered her before....like when is my birthday? what is my chinese name? to my surprise, she is also hainanese, same as me, and her mum is also from indonesia....i told her no wonder she had the ang ku kuen hainanses face....i also told her about my recent story, she said she could see sadness in my eyes..she also said i have dimple or what, same as fel said last time , said i have dimple when i smile...she wana take picture of me and i wanted to take picture of her back, she dun allow cause she is she look ugly today...when she speak i wana laugh....her voice so man.

i just finished the hong kong drama about immigration, i think that lead actor junjie, his pattern is really like me, loyal to someone, persistent and lovely to kids.....hahaha...i like the show.....but sad ending for him.

sorry to krislyn and jaxmin, i put both of them aeroplane weeks ago, say wana meet them but i never....krislyn , my only god sister since 2002 had plan to meet her up and ask her help to see my insurance....and jaxmin, a double0 club buddy last time with tommy and wayne....meet for kopi but i put plane....maybe i was too depress to go out that few weeks ago....now im better....had been busy with my casino lessons.

2009-07-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

mover - cm pte ltd

Angeline smsed me today asked me to acc her to her ex house to take her things back, cause her dad cant make it...ok...i went to cluny court fetch her off work at 7pm, after that we went to vivo city and had dinner.

I reached cluny court early, parked at basement 2, there no signal at all...i have to get out of the building and sms her.....was on high tide, so i went up the building to search for gents...after i finish killing the "fire", i walked around level 2...then i realise angeline was inside the glass door, at the same time, she look up and saw me...she point to me that she will call me later....i point to her i wait at basement 2 ....in the end, she found me at cold storage, im buying tissue paper, hahaha...

This is the second time, i helped someone move things out of ex bf house, can i consider myself as a mover? lolx... first was cathy few weeks ago.....now angeline.....makes me think of 6 years ago when jinyen move her things out of my house....she came alone.Good for cathy, i think she went back with her bf, but she told me she going back cebu this 17 july....think this few days, she will call me and bid goodbye.

we talked alot in the car today....she said i look cuter in person, that means im ugly in my pic....lolx...the funny her like to ask me 3 things everytime we meet, did i sleep well last night? how many meal i take today? when was the last time i had my meal? everytime this 3 questions will pop out.

i can link her with 1 person, that person is julie, that pattern is abit same....my first casino test is around the corner, i hope i can improved or still keep my 33 secs record....chun yap teased me that day, said i sms during chipping still can beat him in chipping hhahaha...yeah.....im still weak in my left hand cutting, i need to practice more...my right hand skill is ok, maybe cause im right handed....spinning of roulette ball is also difficult, need 15 rounds, i can only do 8 rounds the max....i must work hard on this more.....also casino 5 percent payout calculation, and roulette 17 times table, 11, 8, and many more.....i need to do all in a split sec.

Angelina always asked funny questions to make us laugh, but this pretty babe is hardworking, i like saturday lesson the most, because all of us wear so smart and pretty, and during our 1 hour dinner break, we will sit together like a big family having our dinner and discuss tips how to improve on our dealing skill.

0609 icg class ( class no.) jiayou! jiayou! jiayou!

2009-07-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

my casino lessons

I was really dead tired, i did not sleep yesterday after the thai club berry, and at night i still have to go for my lesson after work....im one of the most punctual and obedient student in my class, hahahaha...everytime i will be there 15 mins early just to practice my cutting and chipping skill.

Today, mr ricky is busy testing my seniors, giving them a quarter exam to test out their blackjack skill, so he cant give us lesson today.....then came mr B, the most strict teacher in my school, think everyone in the school scare of him...he treat us really like students, machiam we are primary school boys and girls..hahahaha...he teaches us big small dice, poker and payout in blackjack today....a strict but skillful teacher.

I can finally remember all my class mate name, i think because all present, darren, jason,chun yap,cynthia,angelina,elvis,ivan,benjamin and me present.....jason and me like to partner with each other when self practice, and chun yap too, maybe our skill is about the same....angelina is very funny, she keep telling teacher , she dun think so the method she use to pick the chip is wrong, she has her own ways but slow la, she approached me and asked me teach her, how to pick up the chips in less than 35 secs....i showed her and told her, just keep grabbing non stop.....hahahaha...yeah, good for her she finally improved alot!

my class is small about 10 ppl, easy to get along and learn together....with our very pro and skillful teacher mr ricky.....i believe the 10 of us will be good dealers next time....mr ricky told us, our first exam is around the corner, he want us to practice more in cutting and chipping....the hardworking us today stay back for 15 mins to practice in chipping and cutting, me, chun yap, jason,darren, elvis and jason had some friendly match in chipping....so far, my fastest record is 33 secs ....the best record is still set by ivan in 27 secs...haha , 1 day i will beat his record!

angeline smsed me today at evening, she said sorry about yesterday, she was very drunk and she dunno what she is doing.....haha, finally she repiled...i thought what happen to her....jas never tell me anything after she said she on the way send her home yesterday.Seeing her so drunk yesterday really scare me, maybe bluff her if she continue to drink, her voice become more man and sore.....hahaha.

2009-07-02T05:44:00.000-07:00

my second lesson in ICG, today as usual, i was early, i purposely went early because i wana buy the shark fin car antenna from giant. im doing some DIY stuff for my car, brought 3 antenna going to spray them red and place onto my spoiler, lolx....it is going to be unique cause i knew no one will ever try it.but im going to try it.

Saw my new classmate, darren at the entrance, 2 of us went into hall first and saw mr ricky.Mr ricky told us he is going to give us a introduction on 3 main game of casino, blackjack, barcarrat and roulette.... we spend about 2 hours learning from mr ricky the basic rules of the 3 games...as for me, i actually knew all the rules, lolx, how can a gambler dunno the rules of the 3 most common games in casino.It really brings memories back to casino arizona and las vegas, the sound of the chips, the spinning of the routlette ball really thrill me.

The most interesting game of this 3 games must be routlette, it is really not easy, there are many types of payout like 1 to 35,1 to 17,1 to 11, 1 to 8, 1 to 4, 1 to 2. If a player placed multiple bets on a typical number like 29, and "spider" over the numbers around it....in a split second, a dealer must calculate the amount of pay out....mr ricky tested the 10 of us with a few of chips placed on number"23" and example the ball hit 23, we have to calculate how much pay out.....darren said 116, angelina said 126.....ivan and me said 136.....the rest give out, only me and ivan got the correct answer, but i took 10 seconds to calculate it right....which is TOO LONG! compared to ivan, he only use about 5 to 6 secs.

Our last hour in the lab was practising to assemble 100 chips into 5 stacks, and each stack consist of 20 chips....we must do it in 35 secs! after 30 mins of practising, mr ricky tested us....ivan beat the 35 sec mark with just 32 sec! as for me, my best timing is 45 sec only....but it is only the first lesson of it....i believe i will improve!

Looking forward to saturday 6 hours lesson, it is uniform day, we need to wear black and white, formal wear....it going to be fun.

2009-07-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

Personality type test

I took a personality web test, it really describe up a person in me.

Good-natured Realist

Good-natured Realists are warm-hearted, helpful personalities. They do their work conscientiously and have a pronounced organising talent. They often feel they are committed to traditional values. The family in particular is extremely important to Good-natured Realists. Their greatest pleasure is making themselves useful and taking care of other people. But they do not like pushing themselves to the fore; they prefer to fulfil their tasks out of the limelight.

Good-natured Realists are real workaholics; they are very reliable and nothing is too much for them when it is a question of completing a project. Thoroughness, conscientiousness and sense of duty are their strongest points. They prefer established and familiar situations to new and unknown situations.In dealing with others, Good-natured Realists are considerate and obliging; they are always happy to put aside their own requirements in the interest of their family and friends. Their home is mostly very well cared-for, cosy and tidy. Their perfectionism on the one hand and their aversion to delegating tasks on the other hand often lead to them taking on too much both professionally and privately. They cannot stand discord; conflicts make them very unhappy. One could almost describe them as being harmony-addicted - and this sometimes leads them to strongly neglecting themselves and their own wishes because they are unable to bring themselves to put up a fight. Learn more about the Good-natured Realist at work ...

Good-natured Realists dream of a stable and trusting relationship for life. Marriage and family are very important to them. They take care of their partner attentively and lovingly and put up with a lot for a harmonious relationship. They are also loyal and reliable friends. However, they can be very hurt if their interpersonal commitment is taken for granted for too long. Learn more about the Good-natured Realist in love ...

Adjectives which describe your type: introverted, practical, emotional, planning, tradition-conscious, good-natured, self-sacrificing, caring, devoted, friendly, loyal, considerate, reliable, conscientious, loving, quiet, reserved, modest, helpful, objective, hard-working, warm-hearted, communicative, painstaking, altruistic

2009-06-30T08:12:00.000-07:00

" 想每个人都要痛过，才知道如何保护自己；哭过，才知道心痛是什么感觉，傻过，才知道适时的坚持与放弃，爱过，才知道自己其实很脆弱。其实，生活并不需要这么些无谓的执著，没有什么就真的不能割舍。明明不开心,但每天也要坚强的笑着对全世界,更可笑的是还要对自己笑着说：我开心！因为我帕寂寞所以不喜欢寂寞的感觉。我常常问自己：我是怎样的？我是如何的？什么才是？就再迷失中寻回自己. 再迷失. 再寻回。。。 "

i saw this chinese phrase from someone's blog, which i think meaningful....life is too short sometimes, will never know how long a person live, cant predict what really will happen , will never know how long you are staying in this earth...althought i believe in karma, but next life seem a mystery to me, i dun really believe in a next life, cause i will never know who actually i was in the previous life. Some people can live up to 80 to 100 years old, some passed away when young....each individual has its own kind of life, sometimes it is good to envy ppl, because it makes u wana strive and work harder in life, but sometimes it is bad to envy ppl, you maybe stressing yourself and pushing too hard, because of greed and being materialistic, you lost the natural you, you may even do some evil stuffs to achieve that "envy" you wanted.

For example me,a 28 years old guy, now spending 365 x 28 + 19 ( for may) + 30 ( for june ) = 10269 days .....i had been staying on this earth for 10269 days already, i had just crossed the 10 thousand mark day about 269 days ago...this figure seemed big but it really seemed small to me and maybe small to ppl that are sick and unwell in hospital, those ppl bearly cancer and some deadly disease now, anytime they will say byebye to this world.

You may be the richest guy in this world, you may have alot of branded goods, but you may not be the most happy person in this world.....the most happy person in this world is actually the poor peoples, example a father work 12 hourly per day, bring home just few hundred bucks just enough to feed the family of 4 at home....and when he has extra $, he would buy some toys back for the kids, a surprise to them.....the smile on the dad's face is the most happiest and handsome one, because his hard work and hard earned $ brings the joy to the children.

I knew i always seemed unhappy, but sometimes i tell myself im already very lucky in this world after spending this 10269 days till now, i always believe nothing is free in this world, everything have to be achieve by hardwork....Life is really a learning path, everyone makes mistake in life, even a 50 years or 70 years old person makes mistake, no one is perfect in this world.

Each mistake a person made, makes a person realise something and be stronger in life, the learning path in life is not easy, when hurt enough, you will learn how to protect and being selfish,when cried enough, you know you need a wash up and get ready for tomorrow, because it is going to be a new day, a new you, a new challenge in life.My sad days are gone for now, im looking forward to future happy days.

2009-06-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

My first lesson in ICG

Im excited for my first lesson in ICG as a student, finally after 7 years of break free from school ( temasek poly ), once again im going to get ready for tutorial,lecture, assignment and exams!!! again.....this time im gonna work very hard on it,especially in this field, it is my interest, my course is not just focus on the deck of 52 cards and chips! It is all about professional and presentation.

My lecturer today was mr ricky who had been this field for 25 years, has experiences in genting,macua and star cruise and even philippines.....my part time class consist of 10 students include myself, i can only remember a few new classmates of mine like darren,cynthia,alvin,angelina from suzhou and a few more....today is a orientation day, receieved my course thick course notes and went throught all the admin stuffs.....really looking forward in this 10 months course that im taking....i think i may have a abit of advantage of learning, cause i had already knew all the table games, like blackjack, baccarat, routlette, the playing procedures of them....and i have some blackjack dealing back ground as i picked the skill before back in arizona....have to be humble and everything start from scratch. "Colours up", "change one hundred", i wana be the person to tell the dealers and said "go ahead", hahahah.

What really interesting me is that, the course not only got practical but even theory lecture on teaching us the manner, everything in a casino operation, casino maths, and even a few lessons on grooming, was told that a former miss singapore is empoly to teach me grooming session, quite interesting.We have our school rules and regulation.One of the most interesting thing is every saturday is a uniform day for us, which means we have to wear smart in long white collar shirt, black pants, black shoes....the school will provide us bow tie, and blazer.....we have to wear this in our lessons....there are lot of casino tables at the school just look like the same i seen before in az and las vegas....and even the chips.

I work hard in this course and hopefully score well in my exam, marina bay sands and sentosa, wait for me, now i have a target by the age of 36,i wana be a pit boss or maybe a floor manager, and not forgetting about my horoscope cafe at the dream of 34....it will be hard...i need 150k for that, anyone wana invest in it? i know this is just a dream for now, but if i dun kick start for now, how am i going to dare to dream? im now putting my right foot into this course, it is going to be a new start for me, 2009 maybe the turning point of my life.

Just like when i was 16, i told myself i wanted a computer, at the age of 18 i work hard for 6 mths in cleaning SIA planes, i save and brought my first HP computer. At the age of 21, i hope by the age of 26 i could drive a car, yes i did it in arizona and own my 1st car and now in sg, i finally brought my 1st car in sg( althought not luxury car, to me in sg no need any big car to show off, i just buy what i can afford, i dun need a car to impress any lady or girl ).Life to me is hard, im not born with a gold or silver spoon since young, i worked hard for everything i get now, i believe if i work harder in the field im interest and plus a bit of luck, i will achieve my target and have a good future.Seriously in big bird world, it is just a job to me and not a career that i wanted in future, if i continue to be in this field, my interaction with outside world will be a say goodbye.

If i could be a pit boss or floor manager at the age of 36, i want to buy a condo to stay with my parents, 8 years more, work hard work hard!!!! 杨全明加油！加油！加油！Till now i have not pay my friend, mark, a visit....one of these day i really want to pay a respect to him...he was once a good friend of mine in bee domes, im really sorry when he was depress, i was not there for him and i was at kantang land......recent incident happened to me plus past incidents really makes me my heart die off, treating ppl nice really pays not to be good...being soft hearted is really my weak point....i may feel depressed and sad, but i know i have to go on in life...i wana show to ppl who had looked down on me before, just one day! I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE! what i want in future is a happy family and i dun have to be very rich, just well to do, one day i will go back las vegas again! because it is one of the most romantic place on earth watching musical water fountain at bellagio casino.

2009-06-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

Student to be soon

I finally make up my mind choosing ICG as the school im attending, after doing some online recearch and personally went down 3 times to the school, im signing up a installment school fees plan with dbs, monthly i had to pay about 500 bucks for school fees for about a year plus.Im actually looking forward in this class im attending, 1st, cause gambling is in my blood, poker is really my interest rather than spending 20k to 30k for a engineering degree which i really lost in interest in engineering industry, 2nd, this will be the break free point for me away from MR BIG BIRD, cause i knew big bird will not be the career path that i wanted in future, i will still stay on till my contract end, this IR course that im taking will be a new adventure for me to entering this up and coming new industry of singapore, as i had done some reasearch, by 2012 japan will open 4 Intregrated Resort, in philippines, cebu city there are a about 3 of them, malaysia there is genting highland, plus the casino ships all over the straits of malacca.

Someone told me from 28 years old onwards, i must start to work hard for future and that someone also predicted something right for me, she said i will set trap for myself by agreeing things to girls, she got it right! remembering my 2009? the most important year of my life, i thought for the start will be a happy one, but it end up sad one for me, what had happen happened, till im still very sad about it....but i know life has to go on, i just hope everyone will be happy, i hope the person that does not treat me as friend anymore will be happy, i wish her all the best in future, till now no matter what she did before, i knew it is all in a matter of anger, she lost her mind, in my heart, i still treat her as a friend.....i finally see throught the whole thing....but i knew i would not treat anyone as good as her anymore in future, i lost the confident in ppl and even friendship.....i just take precaution against everyone around me, cause girls to me all just see $, no $ no friend......hahaha...maybe cause of the girls i met, im just bad luck....remembering nourene? even hot mama cathy always ask to lend $, even julie called from arizona, just wanted help for $.Master lim that fel once brought me there also told me before, i have to be careful with $, cause i might easily get cheated next time, i will remember it.

But i knew there are some good friends, like grace,sandra, and some other friends....thanks when i need a ear....now i just looking forward for my part time school every monday, thursday and saturday, keep myself busy.....i just hope i will be happy again.....i need to get back my smile....

2009-06-25T07:13:00.000-07:00

Few days ago, jos tease me why i had not been updating my blog? since the time im emo, and i had not been writing in here.Today, i saw incik yip, hahaha, again he asked what happen to my blog? if im not writing, he is going to buy some story books soon...how am i? ppl had been asking me this....life goes on, really.....seriously im still hurt by the action from that friend, it haunted me sometimes in my sleep, i wake up in the middle of my sleep....what can i do? in my heart, i still treat the person as a friend, i still want to be a friend.But many people scolded me stupid, what had happened and had been made use, still want to be friend?

jos had told me to kan kai yi dian, he said in my blog, im always unhappy because of girls, i always feel sad cause of girls....im just so unlucky.....i looked at the mirror i laugh at myself, cause im fool again...im tired......i promised myself i would not treat anyone nice anymore, i want to learn to be selfish, it never really pay to be kind, even the person i trusted and treat nice will turn the table and treated me that way.

2009-06-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

Training

Im currently in the training department under some training program....830 to 530pm is like my fixed hours for now, recently i seldom go out, i like to keep myself more at home....watching some documentary....hong kong dramas...looking at picanto car forum, dolling interior of my car, and also searching the course that im going to study, after a meeting with joline and jovian at ICG, i finally confirmed that i would be a part time student with them.....i registered with the school, school is going to start on 29 june for my first lesson, mon, thur and sat i will be going for my classes at night and afternoon on sat.

It is going to occupy most of my times, im looking forward meeting my insurance agents, as i need to review and maybe cancel some of them, monthly im paying about 520 bucks for 6 insurance....most of them are my saving program....i actuallly had plans from 2012 to 2020, in every 3 years in between, i will get a sum of $ from insurance......cause i knew i will need $ when im 30 to 40 years old, this is my peak.....cause 4th cycle of life lays in there.I will need to complete my big bird program and start planning a 2nd career path soon....that is why i went to ICG and take up the course....im looking at working oversea again next time....

Actually i miss arizona, i miss the carefree life i had there, i like the feeling of driving around on a sunday morning along some cotton plantation, unwind down my car window, enjoy the fresh air....only if im a orphan, i would choose to stay away from sg....sg life is too hectic.....but i still have my parents and siblings, i still have to support the HDB flat we had now.

I hope with the skill that im going to pick up from ICG, i would have the opportunity to work oversea at macua,cebu or even las vegas....i miss the times at vegas, Casino arizona and gila river casino, i love the feeling on the table.....the sound of the chips really thrill me .

Now i think the best honeymoon travelling is driving from east to west along route66 in states, from new york to las vegas.....spend 2 weeks there.....it will be the most memorable journey in my life, but just hope la.

2009-06-17T06:14:00.000-07:00

Filipino friend

I recieved a call from catherine, this hot mama, she asked me for a help....she had a big fight and quarrel with her bf, and she decided to move out of his apartment....she asked me to help her move her belongings and luggages to her friend house, she is going to stay at her friend house at circuit road.I drove to her bf apartment, the bf and one of bf guy friend helped her moved 6 luggages of her to my car.....she start crying......i tried to my best to talk to her....it is not good to have a quarrel, i asked her to talk things out with the bf.

She moving to gwen house, i actually meet gwen and her german husband, mike before, there was once we went to chinatown for a chill out....mike knew gwen when she was working in paramount disco, and they fall in love and got married here,mike worked in a local advertising firm here,he rented a flat.....now with 2 cute kids, 2 years old dimsep and 11 mths old troy....this filipino gwen and catherine came from cebu.....the island where julie came from....so sweet, next week mike is going to bring gwen,dimsep and troy back to germany to let the kids visit their grandmother!

i went up to mike house, talk to catherine, and at the same time i played with dimsep, this handsome young boy hahaha, i dunno why, i just have my ways with kids....i like to play with them and make them smile.....just like jenny's cousin twins daughters, sandra's nephew, and now gwen son....i think when im not happy, kids will brighten up my days.

I asked catherine tried to have a talk with his bf....she told me alot of things and i also told her my recent stories, in the car ,when she was crying she still can tease me, we are so unlucky in love.....she said she is not like me, she will never give up in love but she said i had gave up.....haha....i had enough these years, always treat the person i like nice, in the end what i get? nothing...im used to it....so i prefer friends now more than anything.This beautiful hot mama, she is actually mum of 2 kids, i think her suitors from cebu queue to sg.....just in sg, she had 3 suitors already.

when i told her my story in the car, i was really sad, i told her everything.....just like a elder sister to me, she told me i should not have ask the items back, i knew i was wrong, actually the items are not really that important......what i treasure is the friendship...but seriously i feel nothing in it....i just feel very sad what happened and ended this way....again she said, she saw sadness in my eyes even when im smiling and trying to cheer her up.This thing really haunted me, i had not been sleeping well these days,i keep thinking, i will never believed that someone i treat so good and well will create a blog and said bad things about me and even post my address,name,email,hp number in it.....it just hurt me so much....a friend will never do this, and especially somemore she is the person i like.....it is more like a knife stabbing into me twice hard....when i talked to catherine in the car, i actually cried.....who say guys cannot cry? i just feel sad.

Catherine tried to cheer me up too, thanks...but i still hope she and bf will be in good terms again, he said he is going to marry her in nov 2009....just hope the best for them....even if he is out.....this hot mama still have lot of suitors.....catherine once told me, she need someone who can take care not just her but even her kids......that means buy one get 2 free.....i hope she find the guy soon...cause she is even older than me.....for her looks and sweetness.....one word easy.....if she is taller, she can easily become a model in here.

2009-06-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

当局者迷，旁观者清

These days i had been thinking alot, first i have to award sandra something, best actresser award because of the stories she told me about her in the past....Her recent story reflect on me, i think im just reading a storybook of myself in the recently me.

I fully understand and have a clear mind about what happened to me recently as i tried to find myself back .

当局者迷，旁观者清, these words are so true, when you were in the story, your emotion is out of the control when you are angry, sad.....things tends to go wrong in your mind.....and you dun even know what you are doing.. ..just like a game of chess, it is hard for me to step out of the game and take a look at the chess game when going on, only the persons beside or behind can see the picture in a clearly thought.

Right now, im looking at the story of eric and sandra, it is the same for me and fel....everything seemed so the same....i am just reading a story of myself about 1 mth ago.....i understand there are things which cant be force, i see the things in eric's wrong and sandra's wrong, just like im reflecting the mistakes that i had done before.The "chess game" between eric and sandra seem so clear to me, but when im having a chess game of myself with fel, it seem so confuse in the game, a wrong move will lead to mistake.Whenever sandra told me about things eric done, and the stuffs between them... it seemed so familiar to me.Because when im in the game, i just can/t get out of the square perimeter that im in, i just keep knocking into the 4 corner when im in the situation.

I cant seem to be happy, everyday wake up, i tends to get moody....this thing had been brothering me and haunt me even in my sleep.....i cant forget that blog she created, i could not believe that a person that i trusted and treat nice will turn that table upside down and do that kind of things to me....it is really hurtful.....but it had been deleted.....till now i still think she is not a bad person....im sad cause a friendship is lost, i really hope 1 day, the friendship will be back.

2009-06-05T13:56:00.000-07:00

The path in finding back myself

I had been dolling up my little black car these days, putting on cute black curtains at the back seat, dolling on the dash board, mounting a need arm rest on the front seat...and brought alot of interior stuffs.

i had been meeting up with some friends like valen, sandra,grace and hot mama - catherine, all of them said the same thing, they told me they could see im smiling but they saw sadness in my eyes.Just like yesterday dinner with catherine, she told me she see sadness in my eyes, she asked me to cheer up....hahaha..im just holding on to some unhappiness stuffs in me, everything just went so wrong in the friendship and everything i did seem so lousy to the person....i know after all im just a friend.....i really have a fear in me now, it is hard for me to treat someone nice, ppl around me had told me im just too nice to girls i like....ppl tends to take me for granted...this is my weakness.

I still remembered that only phone chat i had with the mum, i learnt something from her again that time, but after the phone chat, i dunno why i feel pity for her...that is why i decided to surrender and end this never ending quarrel we had....but i still hope the best for her as a friend, if i have a chance to go back to the past, i will never tell her i like her and stuffs....we will just be normal friend....it really feel so hurt to lose a friend, because i treasure ppl around me...... i understande something, it is really hard for a guy and a girl to be good friend if either one has feeling for each other, because jealousy will kick in....

Remember the meaningful writing i wrote 5 years ago, about cross roads , straight road and split road about human life.....i met someone at the cross road and at some intersection or junction, the person decide to leave the car and as i look at the odo meter, thanks for travelling with me for the past 4000km......i ask ppl around me and myself, friends really comes and goes? why there must be hate in this world? i really dun want to lose any friend...right now im still trying to find a good friend of mine years back, a malay boy who stay at woodland name sharum....we lose contact after he change his hp and lost my number...im a person who loves memories, be it good or bad....so i had name this blog CMemories.

ppl really comes and goes in life? i wonder 2 things in my mind, my future wedding and funeral, who will be there for me? my friends? i would love to invite everyone that i known in my life for both event.....share my joy and last smile .

2009-05-31T06:05:00.000-07:00

zoo outing with little doven

Had promised little doven for this zoo outing with sandra, woke up late, trying pick myself up and not think of the unhappy things.Went to pick little doven and sandra at 11am, thanks for the breakfast bread that sandra prepared for me. Little doven, this 5 years old boyboy, sandra told me if im "lucky".....im already a father of a 5 year old kid, hahahaha, yeah lor...imaging bringing own kid to zoo....so nice, so warm.

This nephew of sandra is very clever and abit hard to please, hahaha, his favorite is lion, keep wanting to see lion lion lion....we walked 1 round at the zoo and see some animal show...nothing to give little doven as gift, so i brought the big photo that 3 of us took at the entrance for him as a memories gift, let him remember that this korkor on this day brought him to zoo...later know from sandra that doven like the photo very much, keep parading the photo at his house showing off to his grandma and ppls.

children are so cute and naive, no worries, just think of playing....as i grow up, many things trouble me...it is life lessons....now i think of $, think of my job, think of the problem im facing now, think of the unsecure friendship, i just feel very sad....why everything ended this way....i thought after i come back from arizona i will be happy.....since feb 2009, i had been looking forward coming back to singapore....but im so wrong, coming back facing this reality, the most hurtful thing is why this friendship became like that? no one could give me a answer, neither she...i know not everything will goes well as you like.

2009-05-30T01:11:00.000-07:00

The night that seem so cruel to me

Yesterday night, i was really pissed and hurt by a blog posted by someone, i was more of hurt how someone i knew would do this to me, someone whom i like and care, did this nasty thing by posting my address, hp, name and blog url in a nasty blog.The title is ungentlemen.This feeling is really not nice, more like a knife piercing throught the heart....just because of quarrel and stuffs.....i never came across someone so evil.

i think the whole night if i wana take action on this someone, i really feel very hurt by this action, which made me think throught so wasted that the stuffs i did for her, yes, i did contact her mum and talked, but i talk nicely and i never threaten anything about it....my brother and a few friends asked me made a police report on this person, i even consulted my friend from CID....she gave me a few scenario, make a police report then make a court appeal...this really seem cruel to the person, which i dun want to do that.

What i did is called the mum and talked and told everything.....i really feel annoyed by this thing done...someone that i care did this stuff to me even we quarrel till so jialat....her mum is someone i respect, because i think she is responsible, mature and sensible person.....talking to her everytime makes me learn something in life....i really dun want to disturb the mum.....but her actions really made me cannot tahan and this is the first time i actually called the mum and talk, otherwise, i will just sms with her.

That night the person called me, and told me things and threaten me with stuffs....i knew she said out all these stuffs in very anger mode....im really numb enough by the action she early created....i really dun want anything already...i just hope she goes home and dun because of me quarrel with her mum....im sorry to the mum, at the same time i pity her.But what i am really sad about is, i lost something, a friendship.I never expected this would happened...no one predicted it, it just happened.....i really feel so sad that i cant sleep for that night....i have to tell myself this world is so cruel, even the person i think is consider good turn the table and treat me nasty....i knew my actions is wrong by irritate, and got the mum involves in this incident, this time i learnt big lesson never will i treat someone so good anymore!! especially materialistic person....what i get in the end? nothing....not even a friendship is left.

2009-05-29T03:00:00.000-07:00

IMM reunion with shi mei

The last time i saw grace shi mei was at Los Angeles , tim bradley airport in 2007 sept, till now we met again...a friend for 8 years already....still going on....she is consider one of the few good girl type of friends i had.....we address each other not by name....but calling each other shi shiong and shi mei for this 8 years....she is someone who always remember my birthday without fail...a friend that is always ready to provide any listening ear.We went to IMM to have dinner.

Althought we dun meet often....we still keep contact in MSN and read each other blog....she is forever that sweet, the belated birthday gift she gave is simple yet creative....just a simple cardboard made by herself and a little beanie good luck carebear....it dun really have to be anything expensive....just the remembering is enough.....she also got me a postcard from gold coast and a dream world australia key chain from her recent visit.....really thanks so much.These years, she had been really a good girl friend of mine althought 2007 had a small quarrelsome, which is my fault.....but this is the kind of friendship will really last long....she always gave me the image that she is a happy go lucky, always happy person.....but internally not, everyone has a life to go on and learn things....just like everyone of us.I really hope one day she will get the most blessed xinfu.

She brought me to a special place, her little corner these years, the void deck stone chairs that she spent writing her diary these years.....we were there talking about recent things, our past ...looking back, we are really getting older....she introduced me a song by the singer writer call ding dang. That song is 猜不透
相处会比分开还寂寞
两个人都只是得过且过

i like this part of the lyrics, which is quite meaningful....these 2 line of lyrics really so well written.

After the long chat with her at the little corner, i drove along PIE, really have big thoughts, in this world, not everything have the answer right ot wrong, you look things at different views, there is at least 8 view in one thing or one object...each person have different view on the thing....just that looking at which angle...depend on which side or angle you are standing....in your eyes, he or she maybe like that, in other way he or she maybe another way....recent continues quarrel had really make me and the other party tired of everything....both of us have fault....everything will come to an end ....just that i have to force myself to accept that everything is going an end even for a friendship.In moment of heat anger, really many things can happened unintentionally.

2009-05-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

my 215am late night feeling

Is it too late to write a entry now? life is always a learning lessons, im trying hard to find back myself, im lost somewhere far,because i was too focus on someone, i care until i forget that my name is call chuan ming yeo.....i know im sad.....but how long must i be sad? during my days in arizona, guo an, jun hao and i always joke, $ can lost but confident CANNOT lose! right now, im really losing my confident.....i feel lousy....because whatever i do seem so lousy to her, there is alot of why? why? in my mind whenever im driving....before i sleep, and the moment i wake up from bed.

Alot of things really hit into my mind, it hurts whenever i think of how she compared the virgo guy and me in her facebook, everything about him is so good, and what about me? am i really that lousy? my biggest mistake is i IRRITATE her....because the method of caring seem irritate to her and maybe because i care too much as a friend. It really hit me so much this time, i always treat ppl nice, and what i get in the end? hurt? it really never pay good to be kind.....my kindness is always taken for granted like the past.

she is really not a bad girl, someone who is kind hearted by nature....she is not to be blame...just that i myself let myself down, i kept trying hard by lowing down myself just wanting to please her, till i dunno what is call self esteem..... i dunno what is call limit....in other eyes, i seemed like a dog.....ppl commented me this in msn....i can only smile and joke back and say, even im a dog, im a loyal one....just because i like her.

I like someone till forget what is call ego? anyway ego to me is not important at all.....i just want ppl around me to be happy...i just feel sad and hate myself, during the time i treat her good...i neglected my family and friends....esp my mum....who always call me in the late night and ask me why im not home yet? she care that late night, if i dun have enough sleep, i will get into a accident.....her mum too care for me even as a outsider, who always ask me drive slow and careful, that is why i said mum's love is greatest in the world.

I will never forget 6 years ago, i quarrel and scolded my mum because of 1st love, that night i cried and asked for sorry from mum, i regret, because i feel that mum's love is the greatest.....till now i had never raise my voice at my mum or even scold her even im pek cek or what.I just feel not fair to my mum, why am i treating someone so good? that dun even appreciate me as friend? who always think my attitude is lousy? i just feel so bad in me, im being unfair to my mum....sometimes i think, i should make my mum happy.....because her care and concern is unpayable in this world.That is why i like to tell ppl, mum's love is the greatest in this world.

I just feel sad in me, just because i cant let myself be a friend to treat her as a friend, just because i like her, i lose a friend that i think not a bad person....i push my limit too far...even her cruel comments, her unintention hurting words numbs me, i dun feel anything just because im too persistant in my feeling towards her.My mind is nothing but just her, i just cant get out of the square box, because it is all her....all im thinking is how to make her feel happy? where i always feel sad alone driving back home....

All i think is care about the another person, but i never did care about myself.....events after events makes me think that not worth it treating her good....that is why i wanted something back from her....i know it is a ungentleman act...but why must i care? since she had never think anything good about me? my mind keep spinning around.....my mind is very confuse...till i wana explode......i dun wana be this cruel to her.....but who will pity me? who will pity me when i have no $ to eat? i keep thinking she is a gd ppl, she is kind person.....i dun wana do this to her!! then another evil side of me keep telling me, she treat u like that, like a dog...it makes me very confuse in my mind.....till i cant concentrate what im doing.....i tried not to think when work, but when im free...i will think think think.....

why even become a friend is so hard for us? i treasure this friendship.....but she told me, friends comes and goes.....never trust anyone....we dun need so much friends in life....it really sank my heart hearing this.....what im doing all these while not even worth a friendship that is true and sincere....i never blame her, cause i knew she had some encounters before...she had been hurt so many times before by guys.....i had read her blog since 2005 entries till 2008....every single entry.....that is why she treat ppl this way.Maybe im the unlucky person entering at the wrong time in her life, all these while i never blame her for anything.....i never blame her for not like me,cause i understand love cant be force, i knew i had tried very hard....that irritate her too....just that i let myself too down and my irritating way makes her treat me this way.....in my heart, i still treat her as a friend.

2009-05-25T08:48:00.000-07:00

Find back myself

I had been sleeping soundly this few days, trying to recoup the rest i needed.....today is a off day for me, i had went out alone to hougang mall paying my bills, my car loans....just take a walk around the mall that i had not visit for long time.

Came back home noon, watched my hong kong drama series lao po da ren 2, till i fall asleep, i woke up at 3pm.....chuan yong was at my house, so i asked him accompany me to turf city....i had a appointment with joline at International Club Games Training Center....i went there at 430pm....joline gives me a intro on the courses.....the course im taking is casino management, could let me raise up to the position of pit boss.....the course is quite interesting.......9 months part time course.In future, may have chances back to las vegas again, the place that i will never forget....one of the most romantic place for dating.I mean back to vegas to work at the casino there, like MGM, Venetian, Luxor....it is really quite a interesting cool job.The course start on 29 june.....i will sign up a study loan or try to save up...now i just wana clear credit debt first.

Went to vivo city with chuan yong, we had thai food for dinner, this is the 1st time that i went out and get so close with my brother since my return from arizona.....he really talk alot with me today, he tried to cheer me up with advices.....my brother really said something which i remembered " ones dun remember how much good things you had done, but will remember how much u done wrong " , this brother of mine really told me lot of things even thought he is depress himself

I brought something today, a soccer jersey, thailand national team yellow top, actually i had wanted to buy this for the past 2 bangkok trip that i went.....both time i went to the nike shop there, and i did not get it....cause i dun wana waste $, i just wana spend on the trip expenses....this time althought is more exp than in bangkok, i told myself, it is time to dote myself....i had been thailand national soccer fans since 1993, heros like piyapong pue-on and kiatisuk senumuang times..

Thinking about that casino course, it really interest me, bacarrat,black jacks, pokers...this is the 1st step im taking into future IR industry....even if i cant get to work at sentosa or marina casino, i still can try my luck at star cruises,macua and las vegas....it will be a advantage for me cause i had been that place lots of time. When i see casino chips at those green table, it really thrills me, joline let me have a feel again, playing and juggling with those chips....remembering my days in arizona, learning how to be a blackjack dealer....the school here uses 8 deck cards.....i use 6 decks for shuffle check....got to know from joline, the roulette pay out got formulas to remember, it is really interesting....by seeing the picture of betting, u can count mentally how much to pay....like forming a spider around number 15, then looking at the placement of the chips, mentally can count how much need to pay out.

My school will start 29 june till next year march.....right now, i need $......i dun wana own anything....i wana pay my sch fees......this 9 months course will keep myself busy.....

2009-05-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

burned weekends

Both saturday and sunday burned at work is no joke.....saturday was 8 hours and sunday 9 hours, well, the project im doing with karthi, kee teng and yi ren finally almost complete 95 percent, not easy organising and plan start from scratch changing all the cabinets and reshuffling the stuffs in and out.....plus the paperworks.

I just dun want to think anything, but i know im still thinking, im thinking whenever im driving....why?why?why? i really dun want this friendship to end....why must we be cruel to each other? saturday morning she sent me a sms, makes me very "gek", i did not reply....cause i know if i reply, will quarrel more....i still think of saving the friendship.....because i know she is not a bad person...but 1st step of becoming friend again, i must not like her....or just like her little....anyway i know i had irritate her till she really dun brother me even as a friend....i really dun wana lose any friend that i once know.....

i just feel heart ache, i really fear now....i fear that i treat ppl good, i will get hurt again, even not by others, it will be by myself....i really dunno how to be a bad guy, is my attitude very bad? i keep asking myself? cause no one had commented this to me before, i get along with ppl well.....till she told me this.

No matter what, i just hope everyone is happy....i hope 1 day....can be friends again.

2009-05-23T05:51:00.000-07:00

words cant describe how the heart feel ache

i feel tired and sad, recent continues quarreling with someone really make me feel crestfallen....my mind is nothing but the person, i keep thinking why?i feel so stress, till i said the cruel words out, it just pour out from me unintentionally just a over flow boiling water when it reach 100 degrees.i know i like the person, and i know the person is not interested in me at all, when i fail, i try hard again, when i fall , i keep stand up......but this time im hit by the double compo impact by myself, that shadow hit let me fall hard that i will not stand up again.

Althought i say those cruel words out, i wana take back the 3 gift, i dunno why and what im doing....maybe i care too much for the person, when everything is about her, i forget everything around me, even myself.My head had been heavy recently, i cant sleep well, i cant concentrate doing my own stuffs.And the most important part, is i IRRITATED her....by my sms.....this really lead to a end in the friendship.....i tried many times to save the friendship.....i fail......

The 2 hour conversation in the phone, i really break down and cry, i had really tried my very best as a friend....maybe it because i like the person, i cant really put myself as a friend to be a friend, but i keep putting myself as someone who like her and wana take care of her.....this also lead to a cruel revenge from her, her cruel words sank me deep.....she told me she purposely dun want to meet me during my birthday....well, i know im just no one....maybe i expect abit much, i thought i would recieve a card or simple little inexpensive gift....but i end up in disappointment....right on the dot of my birthday, i was quarreling with her at the corridor, this is really a unforgetable birthday.

My cruel demand of $ also anger her mum, who treat me really nice, she is really a nice person which i respect....the presence of sandra inside my car that day really give a wrong impression to the mum, she thought im a filrt....because im going after her daughter, then a girl appear in my car....i cant explain much about it....sandra is just a normal friend to me which stay nearby, we just happened to meet up for a dinner at alexandra......in a moment of anger, i did the cruel thing that made myself have a double impact shadow hit....im slowly feeling the pain.....in the end, im the main cost of this friendship....im really very sad, why everything had to be end up this way? our conversation reply to each other is like anger and sacartic mode, i really dun want it like that....in fact, i dun really care about the gifts, i wanted it back cause i just feel not worth it....but in another way, i still care about this friendship......maybe it really hard to be a friend when u like someone and the person is not interested in you at all. How i wish i had never told her i like her before? how i wish i would just keep to myself? this will not happen then....

My promise that i will not contact the mum and family anymore...

I tried not to think much, yesterday while sending karthi back home to sengkang MRT, i gave him a scare, i nearly got into a accident again at the ECP.....lucky i turned fast....he looked at me asked me, am i very tired? im tired everywhere, even in my heart.Maybe i really care too much,i really lost myself now, i tried to use work cover heartache, i did...enjoy working with kee teng and karthi this few days....good team work.

I feel so stress in me, this is the reality im facing now.....when im in arizona, before i come back, i told myelf sg life will be a reality to me where i play hard, work hard in there, sg is really reality.....i got my family to support....this job now is important to me, monthly housing now, im alone to pay....where my dad dun care anymore....this heavy burden on me is stressful.....i cant depend on this job in future, because i knew i wanted to work in a place where i have interest in....im tired of big bird, my 7 years of "love" is going to an end.

Im really sad over this friendship i had, it ended ....really miss the presence of her silly smile....i just feel numb everywhere in me....i just want to be alone now.

2009-05-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

bee domes now

I left bee domes in 2006 dec, after 2 years 3 mths in arizona....now 2009...im finally back again to this place, everything changes, the peoples here look so unfamiliar to me....lot of new faces, the management changed....lot of new NSFs........suddenly i become senior at there...batch boys of mine like weifa, brennen had become IC...even andy become the eor ic.

Lots of people asked me how is arizona like? i told them the operation is different.....actually back here i have a goal....i want to prove im not lousy to someone.....and im surprise that someone actually read my blog before....and he knew it that i wanted to prove to him....yes, i just wana prove im not lousy, i can do things.

Had been in bee domes for past 1 month, i done a couple of things, "chiong"with brennen downwards , learning how to be a eor ic from andy,learning how to be a assistant ic.....and now doing a project under incik siah...which the 2 men under me, kit teng,karthi and me cal ourself "siah technology"

The standard here and back in kantang land is much more different, i have culture shock when im back, maybe im too adapt to the rights then wrong in there....incik dave told me right now my duty back in bee domes is not men anymore, have to lead a group of guys in work....i have to learn everything as a ic from start....cause i was a man last time....

Had been talking to a few batch boys, lot of them studying....i actually had found the course i wanted to study, just that i dun have time to go see.....it is tourism management by turf city, mainly in casino IR management...joline had been contacting me, ask me down for a view of the course...i will go down soon.

2009-05-20T07:47:00.000-07:00

Reunion of old friends

I had a terrible night yesterday night with someone, that quarrel started since afternoon till night, going to make me go crazy, i could not concentrate on my driving....my poor passenger, sandra, scare to the core when i nearly hit a taxi.....meet up sandra for a meal at alexandra.....it is also my first time scare that someone threaten me that she will burn or tear my passport away, because of a quarrel....i knew the kind hearted her in nature will not do this cruel stuff to me.She also delete me off friendster and facebook....But im really not happy at all, because of the quarrel which hit me double impact...just like a rebounce wound, hit me twice in the heart....but i knew the other party feel nothing at all....i just feel sad why everytime have to be like that.We had our peace finally when we talk under the block for 2 hrs plus......im really dead tired....the soft hearted me gives in again...just because i like her.

Went home 3am search for my uniform no.3 , later 830am, going to air force school for a seminal, later have at 2pm have to go work again....now im doing a project for this whole week, with 3 men under me....finally found everything...my shoes, uniform, belt....name tag...don on this uniform that i had not worn for 2 years 6 mths....hahahha.....first time drove my black pica to air force school....right after i get out of my car, i hear a familiar voice call me not far...it was ham! hahahaha, remember the good old days together in aeti training.....happy to see old friends....then when i went to toliet....i was washing my hand...someone came in and asked you are? hahahhaa, it was jason goh！ another buddy back in aeti time, times files 10 years ago!!! we were in poly and training....now we meet again in here....throught out the seminar, we sit together and talk about the old days we had.

i need to find back myself, i wana make myself feel happy soon......right now i jus wana settle the debt i hav. i feel like going zoo this week end

2009-05-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

Whole of april

The whole of april after my return from bangkok was a busy month that i dun have time to blog, i got my black picanto on 9 april, arranged a meeting with jane to take my car, mum and dad went with me.....after that we went to change sport rims, my red stripe 15 inches rims...spend about 680 bucks on it.After that went to find my auntie, she so happy to see me after so long never see me.

Evening time, i went to jurong to find kelvin, my all time buddy back in kantang land.....we went to bukit batok eat roti prata....but the first day i got my car, i kanna my left front sport rim with scratches....was at bukit batok having prata, fel sms me, say jenny asked if wana go geylang eat frog leg porridge.....yeah, i was happy she msg, so i went to find her....with kevin in the car.....that day i finally get to see jenny real person and his boy friend, wenlin.....that night we went to many places, marina barriage,geylang,changi airport terminal 3....was a full day of event....jenny and wenlin really lovely couple.

That sunday, we went to east coast park picnic, jenny and wenlin brought her twins niece, they were so cute and fun loving....i love kids....really fun playing with them.....made me run away catching them....another friend of them felicia also went with her daughter, after that we went to vivo city to slack.....had fun playing with felicia's daughter too at burger king, keep wanting to take my keys....she likes to eat french fries alot.....

whole of april, im busy with fel, jenny and wenlin.....night operation usually at dunga bay or that kopitiam at johor....i really had fun with them althought im so tired sometimes.If not, we will hung out at east coast park macdonald.....someone will sure want Mac wings, with chilli, and must have mayo.....plus not forget drink change to ice milo and also chocolate sundae.....this is the usual dish she want to have everytime at mac........alot of times.That following monday, went to jenny and fel friend birthday bash at one of the pub.....the girls are really good drinkers but fel drunk liao still think of mac wings....and her french fries.

Really happy with the accompany of fel that whole of april.....she brought me to a few places i never been b4....some places for good foods....there were some unhappy moments, some misunderstanding, some quarrel......but everytime we will talk under her block and clear it.She also brought me to find master lim, he told me something in life that i must be careful in future.....i knew it....because i had been setting 'trap" for myself in love net....that night send fel home, she told me she think that i will think alot after what master lim told me about, she is right.....im also gald to know fel's mum, she is a elegant lady, pretty mum.....very nice auntie to talk with...someone that i respected....a good mum overall.

This month, i also went to yun design to find mr alan, which he help me design my picanto body kit, to red and black design.....cost me abt 750.I will slowly doll up my cute picanto next time when i have $.

2009-05-17T21:59:00.000-07:00

wedding dinners @ weekends

This weekends i just attended both weddings, saturday was darren and pauline, sunday was kim hung and tingting....i just feel so happy for them!

saturday, i went to fetch fel at ICA building after she do some passport stuff, after that we went to clementi, her mum's shop .....her uncles and auntie were there....we had lunch together...and slack at her mum's shop talking with her uncles and mum....after that went to fetch soong going to darren's wedding.

I knew darren since my kantang land days and know her wife too there, remember when i first went to kantang land, i went to san diego with him, pauline and kelvin....so fun. The wedding atmosphere is nice, im happy for him, it is such a big day for him! it is actually a double happiness for him, because on that day 16 may is his birthday too! Looking at the photos of younger childhood and his wife childhood pics....they actually know in secondary school till now...so sweet! i really envy! i really hope they will have little cute babies soon.

After the wedding, i went to shi fu place meet fel, and we went to supper.

Sunday wedding was another nice one for kim hung and tingting, i knew kim hung since my poly days, always a big brother to me....when im sad, he used to cheer me up.....when he knew that i had broke off with my 1st ex gf...he burned a cd of songs for me....to wake me up and cheer me up.Happy for gao de ( tall one), this is the nick we used to call him last time.....He knew tingting at AMD while working.....hope they will have cute babies soon!

I feel so happy for my friends, finally found someone who can accompany them for their life....i was driving my thai auntie, jirapong to changi hospital to visit my brother.....my thai aunt who had seen me grow up since a boy....ask me if i have a gf? she thought i had a thai gf, because i visit bangkok often these days.....i told her nope.....but i like someone now......i told her everything....my auntie really worry for me.....she give me some advices....we talked about thai stuffs and chiangmai....i really kind of miss chiangmai.....mae sai and mae hong son.....the rural village part of thailand....i was there 9 years ago....my auntie still have a house there....find 1 day i will go visit his brothers and sisters...

Friends at wedding, online and at work had been commenting about the recent me, since im back from arizona....i look so moody and tired everyday....i find them i really lost myself.....lost my soul.....there is always why ? why? why? in my mind......yes, im not happy.....not at all....i need to find ways to cheer myself up.....2009 already....

2009-05-12T06:25:00.000-07:00

my happy birthday?

Birthday? isn/t is a happy event? why am i always sad on this day? 1 year ago, julie promised to celebrate my birthday with me, it was nt really a celebration, we just watch a movie and had lunch at arizona, glendale west gate.After that day, i never see her again cause she choose to leave me.That day after she slam the my car door and left, i had never have a chance to see her.That day i feel so lonely after she left, i went casino arizona, i lost 500 usd and went home alone.....i speed all the way from 101 highway exit 50 to exit 7 glendale, i slow down when i saw the most tragic accident in my life, 7 cars bang together....a few person die,the bloody scene i never forget....till now i dun dare to speed.....That was in 2008.

A year later now 2009, im still the same sad.....this time right on the dot of my birthday 12am, i was at the corridor with someone i like, we were quarreling.....it really makes me feel so sad and dishearted by the words she said when she angry.Am i so lousy even as a friend? she said she dun like my attitude, is my attitude very bad? yes, i knew i irritate her everytimes....i care for her in a wrong way.I know she dun have even that little feeling for me, i know im not tall enough, just because she like guys who are at least 1.75 taller,i accept it even if i tried my best to prove my sincerity to her.

This 24 hrs of 12 may, 12 to 130am i was talking and quarreling with her in the car and corridor, 135am to 235am i was sitting alone inside my car just below her block thinking why this friendship became like that? 3 to 6am i slept.....8am i work till 7pm.....8pm i was having my laksa dinner alone and watch tv till now left the last 2 hrs of my birthday.....this is how i spend my unhappy boring birthday in 2009.

How i wished she could be with me on my birthday, i dun need any expensive gift from her, maybe just a bottle of mineral water im so happy already.....but i have to understand she had meet her friends earlier on....i only ask for 1 hr of 12 may from her....it was not granted....yes i have to understand that im just only a friend, she had to be with her friends too.And i know all the while, she just treat me as a friend, im the one who like her one sided.

The last time i had a big birthday cake, i think was in 2003, sim jin yen, 1st ex gf brought that cake to me to my house and celebrate for me with my family...i was surprised and really touched.In 2007, when i was in new york with sister lena,yee hoe and guo an.....3 of them surprised me with a small slice of cake with a candle on....sing me birthday song at the hotel we lived......it so simple but im happy and already contented....the last time i recieved a birthday present in 2007 too from grace shi mei, a good friend know since 2001 till now with a group of irc friends like jean da jie, pop corn jie, jeannie er jie , moo gavin and jos langzi.This group of friends celebrated my 21st birthday for me at hmv there....i will never forget, i recieved a levis t-shirt plus a book about the thai king.

28th birthday, till now i still hope anyone would really remember my birthday not just by seeing from friendster,msn or facebook.....just by remembering.....when i came home, no one was at home, home alone again......sisters not in, parents out dunno where? maybe im still awaiting, waiting the right year will come, someone will really surprised me with a simple birthday.Let me dream on, hahaha.

2009-04-08T23:32:00.000-07:00

Bangkok day 5 and 6
Day 5 of bangkok, me and fel went to watch shunjuku incident at paragon siam, but it is in thai, hahahaha, again we watch movie again.After the movie, we went to eat japanese food,tokyo....after the dinner, we walked back from siam paragon to our hotel....fel's left eyes keep "jumping" , she sense something unsual going to happen.....she cant see clearly at night cause the light were so dim.

That night, we talked things out, the after event of route66 really haunted me.

Day 6 of bangkok was a rush and eventful one? we went to pray at 4 face buddha again, again i pray for the 3things in my mind, work,family and love. After that, we went shopping, i brought her something that i promised, at the shop just opposite 4 face buddha shrine.

finally we can have thai food, but we had it at central world.....and we also watch our last movie in bangkok, pink panther 2.

After the movie, we went back to our hotel and get our stuffs ready to go airport......haizz at the aiport due to over weight our luggages, had to pay 500 plus sing dollars......haizxxxxxxx....no choice....when we reached sg budget terminal already 11 plus going 12 midnight.....she said something that really hurt me abit, actually she wana ask her mum come fetch her and lot of guy friends wana come fetch her back home....she rejected all because she dun want me to feel inferior competitive.So i send her home with cab.

2009-04-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

bangkok trip day 4 - dream world

We wake up at 730am, and went to have breakfast ....today she wear the heineiken beer singlet, one word = cute....but she really look tired and very sick....i prepared everything, water, her medicine, jacket for her, camera, video cam,her umbrella too all in my bag....i knew she did not sleep well too....but i have also prepare tissue for her running nose.

The planned mini van came and pick us up at 9am.... let fel sleep in the mini van, she sleep for about 1 hour, i wake her up when we reached......dream world is just disneyland....when reached, we got our meal vouchers and everything then we started to explore the places...it is so big.....we took the cable car to have a full view of the place first.....after awhile, it started to rain.....so suay! so suay! lucky she brought the umbrella to bangkok....so we share the small red umbrella.....and we also started to tease each other about our memory...she is that 256 ram and im just worse than her 128 ram ( which is also my man number while in pc2 last time )....first reach there, she become like small little girl, wanted floss candy....aiyo....so cute la.She took alot of pictures, i also took a few with her....the next thing she wanted is play go kart.....hahaha....there were lots of games store there...we played alot of games...since is raining...so we stay in doors awhile.....i was trying to win her the super duper big doggy....but due to my super lousy skill at these store games, just managed to win a small bear and 2 fruit key chains.

At there also can shopping, brought lots of bags, nariya, thai brand......she got 7 of them and i aslo brought 3 for my mum and sisters.....i brought her dream world towel and a mini toons long sleeve cardinal, that cardinal just look so nice on her....without hesistate, i just buy her.....i also got her mickey and minnie, now then i know she likes both of them.

Sharing that umbrella bring us close, and i also got scolding from her for holding the umbrella too high, makes me think of the christmas eve 2008 while we were crossing the road at clarke quay , that night we were a distance part, and i hold the umbrella too high, the rain keep kanna her....this time she cling her arm on me that bring us closer, but again i did not concentrate well, i mutli task, i was holding on to her, she was wearing slipper, i scare she will fall down, and my right hand was holding the umbrella plus the things we brought, and i have to look at the direction we walking....hahaha...so fun in the rain...but i try to cover her as much as possible....keep teasing about the 256 her and the 128 me.

having the buffet lunch at dream world....the poor her taste the food like no taste, because she is sick...lucky that place have her favorite glass jelly drink.Her fav was the go- kart thing, she played 3 times and i took alot of pictures of her....suddenly she appear like a small cute girl to me, the cheerful look in her melts me , and the snow city tour inside dream world, was another fav to her....she had never see snow before, it was like a winter experience for her....she took alot of pics inside too....

we played till forget the timing till the management office use the PA system to page for us to go back to our mini van...so funny....the journey back to hotel is long about 1 hr 45 min due to some traffic jam....i dunno why...i just feel so tired and i shed tears inside the mini van....she did not notice it because she was sleeping...only that boy who sit in front of me saw it when he turned his head behind and saw me.....that incident haunted me, i just feel very sorry, the tears were so real, flow from the corner of my eyes onto my face and to my neck....i again knew that incident will give me a big minus point...

when i finally clean my tears and i turn to her...she was sleeping with her head keep knocking against the window....this really hurt me, see her sleep so xin ku....so i ask her to sleep on my shoulder, where i put my arms around her and let her rest on my right shoulder.....she really look so tired....her head keep falling down till i cant use my head to tahan her head....then i use my hand to hold on to her head.....so that she could sleep well and dun have the jerking feeling while the mini van running...till my hand cant use, her head keep falling till my spare tire ( stomach) act as a pillow for her...she just look so cute when she sleep.

We went back to hotel and rest awhile, then we walked to paragon wanted to catch our 4th movie of the week, by nicolas cage - knowing....we brought the tickets and slack around the corner.....then we suddenly have the urge to sing....hahahaha....so both of us planned something funny, we told the cinema management that we have something on very important, we cant catch the movie, can we refund it? or just have another pair of tickets the next day....surprisingly, the staffs let us have it, she wrote something in thai and asked us to pass to the ticket seller the next day and we could watch any movie we want......and both of us went to ktv instead just beside the cinema....hahhaha....all the words are in thai and only some english songs.....i cant read thai, so i just sing those thai songs by BIE i know and by tae....and fel as usual sang those english songs, her super duper power voice again i hear..she really sing well in english songs.

After the ktv, we walked to our hotel, it is kind of dark, and i walked too fast maybe, she got pissed with me...she cant really see well in darkness, im really sorry about it....her left eye lid tremble, she told me she feel that something unusual or unpleasant happen, she just feel it...she just feel very trouble when we walk back....im sorry for not waiting for her....i wish i could hold on to her hands and walk....but i knew im not that pair of hand she wanted to hold that moment. :(

2009-04-05T11:47:00.000-07:00

Bangkok april 5 - day 3 chatuchak market

The same for these few days, we had our breakfast and then we headed to chatuchak market....this time we took the mrt there.....fel looked more cute today wearing the shining gold cap.....while inside the mrt, there is no place to stand....she wanted to stand opposite us beside a guy....i dunno why, i just pull her back to me...i dun like her to stand beside other guy...hahahaha..shopping madness again for her.....we passes by the animal sections, there were lots of dog like chee wawa, makes me think of ex gf, jinyen's dog, that loyal dog who accompany me when im sad. Those small doggies were very cute....fel like them so much even she is a person who scare of dogs....i think small doggy is ok for them but not those big and fierce one.when she said the dogs are cute, i look at her, she more cute.

We passes by a store who sell feng shui water fountain, i brought 1 big one for my mum, and 1 small one for myself, fel got one medium one too for her house....so many things....while shopping half way there, it started to rain, me and fel were looking for a cab.....but there is none avaliable, so no choice we took a tuktuk....but we never know that the rain is so heavy that the roads started to flood...i held her close to me, scare that the rain will make her sick....i even use one of my new t-shirt that brought at chatuchak to cover her face...so that the rain water will not kanna her....i try to cover her as much as i can....when i notice, half of my body already well and soak with rain water...i knew she so easy to get sick....i just dun want her to get sick......

When we reached the hotel, both of us were wet wet.....had showers and then went to central world to watch fast and furious 4...but before that we had dinner at that hainan restaurant that we had before during our 1st trip....i dunno why i just like that place, because everytime we have meal there, surely full of laughters and happiness, just like the 1st time we had at there, dunno what reason and we laugh alot there and im happy during our 1st bangkok trip.....this second one is the same too, photostep one! we were waiting for our food and were joking about something and them 2 of us keep laughing at there like siao ppl.....our laughter just cant stop...her clumsy way make me laugh and like her more....she really look so cute in her....im so happy that moment looking at her laugh so naturally ....while she smile, i really melt inside, i feel happy....because i want her to be happy. I just cant forget that moment of laughter between us.While waiting to enter the movie, we brought combo meal, sweet pop corns, orange soda and cheesey hot dogs.....before the start of the movie is also funny, i keep disturbed her, feed her the unsweet pop corns and she keep feeding me the cheesy hot dogs.....so funny...until she tu lan , dun wana eat the pop corns....her cuteness really melts me.

After the movie, we try to walk to amari watergate night market hotel, wanted to get that red thai tube she wanted, but the night market closed....i remembered that night when we were about to cross the bridge, we saw a begger carrying a child, and the child is having fever....fel took some $ and pass it to the lady...the lady got shocked and look at fel....fel give the $ to her to let her kid to see doc or buy some medicine....this is not the 1st time i saw her give $ to beggar, the 1st time was at siam square during our 1st trip to bangkok, she told me she wana gave the grandma some $, and she did.She is just so kind hearted by nature....that night we talked alot....she suddenly asked me i dun love julie anymore? yeah i told her no more.....the person i like now is her, just her.....but i already told her recently i did send julie some $ to help her.....fel told me about her ex bf stuffs, how she celebrate her birthday and her ex birthday for him, she brought a cake to his home and wanted to give him surprise, but they end up quarrel....when she told me all these, i can see the sadness in her.....her love for him is true but he does not appreciate...

That night, she really fall sick, she having block and running nose, plus cough....i was really worried about her....i dun feel good seeing her so sick....i really wanted to bring her to see a doctor that moment but i dunno where.....the only thing i could do is buy her hot drinks and some panadol stuff....but i just dun want leave her alone in the hotel....i know she will be scare....so i brought her along to 7 eleven to buy some pill, hot milo and water.....

That night, i also said sorry to her for the unhappy incident cause after route66, that incident haunted me, it had been keeping inside me, i finally broke up and told her im very sorry, i sincerly ask for sorry....fel again told me alot of things, how she trusted her colleague at work, her ex bf....but end up being make use of....again i see the sadness in her....i really dun feel good...i myself also feel sad for her.....i really dun want her to be sad....looking at her so sick now, and she so sad.....i just feel very lousy, because i cant make her feel happy...again how i wish the person here is not me but that "virgo guy".

That night i did not sleep, i keep thinking cause i know after that incident, i surely have a minus point in me......i wanted to cancel the next day event, the dream world park,cause she is too weak to go.....but she wanted to go, because we had paid for it already.

2009-04-05T07:47:00.000-07:00

Bangkok april 4 - day 2 - grand pearl river cruise

Early morning, we wake up had our complimentry breakfast....i can sense that fel is unhappy with me, she gave me the tu lan look.....we went to chinatown.........but too early.....after walking a few streets, we finally found a shop that sell ear rings and accessories.Fel brought some ear rings and after that we went to platinum plaza.....was also kind of too early, the shops not fully open yet.

I know only 1 place can make her feel happy, that place is none other than that gems jewellery factory that we went the 1st trip.She cant forget that ring she wanted to buy during our 1st trip......initially wanted to go find that tuktuk car uncle that brought us there during the 1st trip....but she is just too tired to walk to there, so we try our luck and ask the taxi uncle....lucky the taxi uncle know where is the place.After 20 mins of taxi rounding, the uncle still cant find the place....but me and fel kind of remember the building....we give abit of direction to the uncle, the uncle also stop around and ask the local thais.

Fel brought 2 rings and 1 pendant, after the gems shopping.We went to mbk to shop awhile and we watch another movie - the second movie we catch in bangkok, i forget the thai movie name, but is a love story about 2 thai boys when young fall in love with the same girl, but end up one of the guy married that girl....then they divorced....but years later the other guy met that girl and be with the girl, another part of the story is also about 1 grand pa and grand ma who fall in love with each other and they went to computer session together, learn how to use msn all these....very fun loving and warm movie.We spend about 30 min inside MBK searching for the hair clips she want, so that she can tie her hair up.

The evening part which is the main event of the day, grand pearl river cruise, i planned the candlelight dinner.....a mini van came to our hotel and pick us up at 630pm.Fel really looked cute and pretty in the dress that brought for her at siam square, the first time i saw her tie her up behind, she look just so elegant....the first time i see her so pretty in front of me.Knew that she had motion sickness too, before that we had buy motion sickness pill, she took 1 pill before we went out, but it does not really good for her.In the later part on the cruise, she feel headache, i tried to ask for motion sickness from the crews, but they dun have it.

When we reached the river cruise, we were welcomed by the crews wearing traditional thai dress, fel like the red tube dress that one of the crews wear....we asked them where to buy....they told us at watergate pratunam area. The crew gave each of us a love shape sticker and stick on our arm, plus a orchid on our chest area....fel and me also took a pic together using the crew camera.

while we still have time, we went inside the building to shop and look around, look at her ears, she is missing something, a pair of earrings.....so i brought her a pair of pretty earrings that suit her dress and hair very well....she look more pretty that night with the earrings.

The buffet candlelight dinner not very nice, i mean the foods not really that much....but fel was having headache and motion sickness....really worried about her.....we were also welcomed by the two live band singer, which sing us a love song - i forget the title, something like "wo ai ni" , the male singer play guitar and the female singer sing along....so nice they sing....later part fel wanted them to sing a song, title, "here without you".... i understand why she wanted this song, the atmosphere in the cruise is so nice, romantic for couple......but im just not the right guy suppose to be here.....here without you - makes her think of that "virgo guy" she like.....if he would be there with her...it will be prefect for her and her headache will goes off i guess.

I took a few pic with fel at the cruise, and i took a few cute pics of her....i know she is a person who scare of cold, so i let her wear my blazer.....she look more cute in my blazer....one of her pic with the funny face act wearing my blazer.....that pic is my fav.We also took pics with the two live band singer....while we were enjoying the river breeze...one of the crews pass the pic with frame holder to me and fel, it cost us 200 baht...but just one of them....so i asked the crew to get us 1 more, the same thing, so that both of us can have it as memory and sourvenir.

Fel really looked very tired and headache, she does not look happy at all, i guess is because of the after event incident of route66, that grave mistake made i never forget....it haunted me that night, maybe the rest of the nights too.When on our way back to hotel, fel was very tired and sleepy, i offer her my right shoulder to rest and sleep...she sleep soundly....she just look so cute....i keep using my head to tahan her head, when she was resting on my shoulder, so that she could have good rest and not falling off her head while resting.

That night, when sleeping, i was thinking if only the virgo guy were here with her, she will be real happy.....just that im not that guy, "here without you" - how i wish she will be happy, because this bangkok trip i planned is for her.

2009-04-05T05:54:00.000-07:00

Bangkok 3 april - day 1
After the long wait from arizona, this bangkok trip happened....i made a mistake by booking the most earliest flight to bangkok at 630am flight, i went to fel place and fetch her to airport at 330am.....then went to airport....checked in 430am....the slack at the budget terminal till 6am then boarded the small plane.

Reached bangkok around 820am, again we went to the same restaurant at the airport, fel had american fried rice with water melon juice and i had wanton mee with applce juice.After that we took a taxi to our hotel, bangkok city inn....the location is somewhere just opposite central world, it is located at pratunam area.After unloading our luggage at room 305, we headed to the famous erawan shrine, pray to the famous 4 face buddha..... this trip here i wana thanks 4 face buddha for fullfilling 2 out of 3 my wishes from the last trip, 1st one was julie finally contacted me and we became friends back, im in her yahoo messenger now and she is still using that mah ai account that she created for us last time.....2nd one was i prayed that i would come to bkk again with fel and yes we did now.

After the praying, we went to central world to catch a thai movie, i 4get what the title, but it was a comedy movie about a school with just 12 boys and the rest of the students are girls, they are setting up a soccer team and half of the 12 boys are actually lady boys....so funny the show, both of us laughed like hell.....one special thing watching movie in thailand is, before the movie start, the thai national song will be played and we have to stand up and show respect to the king.

After the movie, we went to siam square shopping.....brought fel a nice dress, it really look nice and sweet on her.....she also brought a red colour hand bag.....and also brought a pair of half heel shoes.we shop around siam square and went to mbk too.....after that we went back to hotel rest awhile....night plan was to route 66.

I had asked fel to bring her make up along to bkk, but she refused....we were walking along the night market, going to take a cab , pass by a road side makeup store, hahahahha, finally got her to buy the stuffs and put some make up for me to see, so funny.....we brought the make up and went into a hair salon and borrow their mirror.....she really look so cute with the make up.....we spend around 30 mins inside the salon....lolx.

Took a cab to RCA, and walked to route 66......this time had to pay 200 baht each for entry.....inside really changed, the design of route 66......but it extended outside....we order a bottle of johnnie walker red label plus 7 ups mixer.....played 5 , 10 with fel......so funny.....for the past 10 games, i lost, keep drinking....later part she lose....the music there is nice R & B.....but after route 66, something unpleasant happened in the night, that made me forever dun wana go route 66 anymore.....stupid mistake made by me.

2009-04-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

blog not dead

Hi peeps, my blog is not dead, just that im just too busy to update here, i had a eventful 2 weeks break from work, thanks for "someone" accompany, i really enjoyed it, will update soon here....

2009-04-02T03:47:00.000-07:00

Am i a friend to you just because you need help?

These few days, julie had been sms me and trying to call me, because she need help........recently she told me about the things happened to her, i dunno if she plan a story to bluff me or what
? i stilll believe half what she said....she need $....she now move out alone and very poor.I really pity her, i told myself i wanted to help her, but i think again if she is lying to me? it is not important anymore....she beg me in sms to help her.

I still cant forget the cruel ways she treated me last time when i was in canada and those harsh words she once said.....i remember clearly.....but i dun hate her at all......those words once made me cried....hahahaha...but the promise i made, no matter what happened to us in the end, she will be my friend.She told me she need 100 usd for foods....althought not very big sum...i still can lend her...but what i want is she telling me the truth and not blufff me....i want a truthful friend.

I think if i dun help her i also very cruel, i very soft hearted....i told myself i use a coin to decide, if face head 2 times out of 3 time i fliped, if it is head i will help her.....and it comes out head 3 times....so i went to post office at hougang mall and send her 100 usd throught western union....convert to sing is 155.20 but abit expensive is the charging fees for sending is 26 sing dollars....i wana send 100 usd, i have to pay 181.20 sing dollars....that is very exp! but i still have to send...cause i somehow cause her to be in this state too....

Just hope she never bluff me anythings or plan any story to tell me how pity she is.....last time i used to get very happy and excited when she send me sms......but now i dun feel a thing anymore....just normal friend sms....but when fel sms came, i get happy and excited now.....maybe the feeling is not there anymore for julie...but for fel......just like when both of them sent me sms at the same time just now, i clicked on fel first.

I had done my part to help my friend, julie, in less than 24 hrs , im going to bangkok with fel, excited! hope the trip, i will score a few points and get to know her more :)

2009-03-31T17:34:00.000-07:00

The ex 145 and new 145 gathering and my self thoughts for future

Thanks MC for organising this satay kopi session at the famous prata kopitiam near beauty world there, makes me remind of 4 years ago, when i dated amy, made me go all the way there to eat prata with her, hahahaha, till now i still think she is a bitch, cause she had 3 bf at 1 time, and i was one of them.

Im happy today to see so many familiar faces that i had not seen years ago, today yee hoe, kok nam, mc,yimin, jos,tai wee, eric, brennen,wei fa,sherlyn, philip, me and hock yong came for this gathering....we talk about our fun last time in 145, our arizona life....wow so fast, 2 years 3 mth just passed and happened like that, im back in sg again.I really like this kind of gathering, hopefully next time we can organise a bbq or chalet.....happy for kok nam, brennen fully settled down....already settled down are yee hoe, jos,eric....hope the rest will soon.We also taked about our NSF who under us last time, we still think the 1st batch is the best, ppl like sebest,edwin,wei jie, edward and others....now already 11th batch already....also reminded us of mark, one of our buddy who passed away last nov and one of the NSF xian run who die of cancer....just feel abit sad for them...esp mark, was one of my good buddy back in 145, i will pay a visit to his grave 1 day.

I realised i really growth up, im no more that boy that always have negative thoughts,i think im more confident in life now.... going to be 28 next month on 12 th of may.....i slowly had become a young mature man....now my vision is not on playing or what anymore.....now i aim for 3 important things, my future, my career and my family including my future wife.....these are the 3 things that i really wana work hard for....i had commited a sin and mistake in arizona....i will not let it happened again....

Being humble will still play a big part in my life, i fulfilled one of my wish in sg, i finally brought my 1st car in here, althought is a small car, no power.....seemed lousy to others....i dun need a big car or expensive one....i just buy the one i like and the one i can afford it....i dun need a "power" car to show off to any girls or attract any....the purpose of buying this car is for me to get to work, for my family use.....my dad can use it to bring my mum out when i dun use it.....maybe also can fetch future gf to work or off work if she dun mind this is a lousy car....hahaha.But i promised myself i wana doll it up very cute and sporty, i had prepare a sum of $ to put on sport rims with red stripe, and red and black body kits....it will be my style of picanto...haha.

Im really looking forward meeting old friends, like poly and secondary sch friends too....not forget outside friends like grace shi mei, i knew her since 2001....she had been a great friend who always remember my birthday and chirstmas present, she just called me yesterday to ask when to meet for lunch or what....her gift is not expensive but meaningful and thoughtful as she always rem who is her shi shiong...i like it cause is simple....im not a expensive person so i just want simple gift.....as i mentioned always here....a bottle of mineral water from someone i like or love is already very meaningful to me as a gift....hahahah.

may period, kim hung is getting marry.....going to attend for sure...hahaha...will meet up poly friends that i had not seen for ages.....will want to plan a bbq or chalet with kemsheong, will invite all chinese, malay, indian secondary school friends.....esp my malay friends that i had not seen for long time....i think 3/4 of them married....some even have child 5 or 6 years old....think peiling and hwee fern sons already study primary one........hahahha.....im a uncle already lor.....but i scare of old lah.....remember when i played ah moey son just before i leave arizona....his wife ask his son call me uncle.....i say korkor la........the best is darlene, philip's daughter, who had been calling me uncle korkor for the past 2 years.

My arizona wish had fulfilled, i finally get contact with julie, we will be just online friends...now i wana meet someone...she is my 1st ex gf, jin yen.....i really wana know how is she doing now? maybe she already married....i just wana ask how is her mother? cause her mother had treat me very well last time just like own son......i hope i can meet her again and pay her mum a visit too.....hope be friends again.....also i would like to meet my shaboy....sharum, one of my best malay friend, we lost contact....i hope i can see him again.

wow so many thoughts today...i really hope my 2009 will be more happy as days passes by, i will work hard in everything i do, at least i try, if i fail, no regrets.

2009-03-31T03:02:00.000-07:00

Make up my mind

I had read chinese horoscope book about me, the metal rooster....the most ideal match for me is the earth dragon born between 17 feb 1998 to 5 feb 1989, so zun that the person i like fall into this category, which is a dragon.Plus my years of exploration of ang moh horoscope, that earth dragon i like is a capricorn which is also match to my taurus bull.

2 of 2 match, so zun......i make up my mind, no matter how long, i will wait for this person....so it is so! match.....recently julie contacted me, she sms me everyday, since i come back to singapore, i make up my mind that she is going to be just a friend to me....i dun have feeling for her anymore.....i just hope the best for her, even if i care, is only as friend care.Cause my prioity now is that earth dragon.

Rather than hooking and searching for any pretty babes, i rather like this earth match dragon capricorn....hahahaha....i dun need a pretty gf or wife, just someone who is very match and suitable for me.....i need a stable relationship life. :)

2009-03-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

Im sorry?

Im back to singapore finally after 2 years 3 mths and 12 days of life in arizona, after 20 plus hours of flight....im so tired and jet lag....im happy that julie finally added me back in yahoo messenger....and we started our first chat since june last year.

I found out from her that actually this few months of MIA of her, she actually not good...steve found out abt us and they divorced.....when i heard that, im really very sorry for her....i had created this trouble for her.....now she stay alone in a rented apartment....she got help from a lady from a church, she sent her to nursing school and she graduated and now working in a eldery nursing house.Im happy that my 100 dollars helped her friend last time, when her friend needed $ to give birth....i lend it to her.....now the baby girl is 1year old....and is very cute.

what happened had happened, what can we do? i just hope the best for her.....i wondered if i should sent her some $ to help her instead? but i think she maybe lying to me, cause i saw a pic of her, she went back to cebu for a vacation......she said she did not....from albert words, i knew she did.....i think she is hiding from me....it is really not important anymore.....she is not the person i love anymore.....but i still keep her as a friend, because this is my promise to her last time.....i will help her whenever i can.But now, i dunno if she is lying to me.....i simply cant trust girls anymore....i had enough of lies from girls.

I just hope her god , jesus will listen to her prayers.....i will pray for her too to buddha......but i promised i will be a listening ear to her whenever she needs me even if im in singapore.....if she really need my help...i will ask my friends there to help her....This is really fated, this sin that i had created, i will remember for life......this is my mistake, karma will get me 1 day.I will accept it.

Right now, my piority in life is my work my future my family, and also the girl i like now.....i had enough, i want a stable relationship, i want someone who is really committed, someone who is loyal.....i will be patient to wait for that someone....cause what i calculated is kind of right....This first 6 month of life in sg, i will work extra hard in everything i do.....i cannot be nua!

i now just look forward to bkk trip with fel this friday, i hope 4 face buddha will hear my prayers, 2009 is my most important and lucky year of my life, i wana make use of this year to achieve something in life....im sorry julie, i will pray for you!

2009-03-28T21:10:00.000-07:00

Last end of day brief... my last day in arizona

This week was on night shift with alvin,jason,daoli,kelvin,milcent and joe, we had our last end of the day brief......makes me think of the days we worked here, so fast im going back soon.....going back to face the reality....no more carefree life i have here.thanks alvin for the fried bee hoon and ah ho for the curry chicken, plus jason and joe lunchoen meat....our mini piss up before me and kelvin go back sg for good.....thanks for the brotherly love.

Going back for good? yes, i had enjoyed my 2 years 3 mths and 12 days here.....i need to go back to my roots.....but i will miss here.......every 6 mths, a need rotation is changed.....finally now is my turn...since monday till now, i had shaked lot of ppls hand, they wished me good luck back in sg....i also finally got my highest qualification in big bird world, my ipi....now i have to go back to bee domes to prove that i got it with my hard work and skill....i cannot be nua...althought i knew that my career with big bird world will not last long.....i have to be professional in my work......for the first 6 mths in sg, i will work extra hard to prove that ppl come back from kantang land is not nua.

We had our hi and bye celebration, had to drink that awful taste widow bite drink, hahaha....malcom,me,andy and few of them pour it away when no body see......recieved my certificate from CC, marks my end of tour in here.....i think maybe i will not have a chance to come back here again....if i will come back again.....i will wana marry someone and bring her to enjoy the 2 years honeymoon there....it will be fun and nice...

Im happy, julie smsed me and wish me a happy trip back to sg and she also finally added me in yahoo messenger back.....that means she already accepted me as a friend....yeah, im happy that we are friends again....last wish in arizona is fulfilled.....but my sg wish have not fulfilled, cause i need to work hard and sincerely proved that i like someone,yup, i will work for it....i wana prove that im not just say say only...

im so tired now....im going to phoenix sky hahbour airport soon in few hours....see u peeps back in singapore.

2009-03-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

the last 5 days in az

Counting down, 5 days left in az, this week im in the night shift.....ok i was bored so i try to call julie, i just wana try to contact her, just a chat with her.im glad she pick up my call, it sound so strange when we talk, there is no laughter in the tone,just talk like a stranger....i was trying to ask how is she doing? she told me she is good, she just graduated from a nursing school and now work in a eldery nursing home.Im shocked that she had left him....i asked why? she just keep silent and say nvm.Now she stay alone. I think she just want to keep a distance from me.... i cant even care as a "friend" now.....i think i should be happy at least she talk to me, "the old stranger". I know how much im worth now to her, not even a dime, cause she told me her prepaid phone credit is going end, each min called is a dime she said!

Her life improved, she finally got what she wanted and did.....suddenly i feel that she is "danger"....she really make used of everything in order to achieve what she has now...she married him and got here....now she left him....i just hope what she did, she will be truely happy....because she did it all for her family back in cebu and her true love there.

I was chatting with cathy yesterday in ym, and she asked me lot of things about julie, i told her everything.....cathy said i still love julie and my love for her is unconditional.....what is unconditional love? i dun love her now, because we are already history....maybe im just a fling to her.....i just feel abit sad that what i did in the past for her, im still not consider a friend to her.

I think im still acting like a fool after these few months, i mean a fool now that still hope to be a friend back....the stubborn me make the promise last time that no matter what happen in the end, she will still be my friend, this is what we told each other in the start....maybe she had forgetten.....but i will still keep my promise.Just feel abit emo now, i feel so unappreciated.Maybe im emo because of the past.....nvm...everything is history, just memories, i had deleted all the things about us left just a pic in my friendster of she and me, that pic was the first pic we took together......i will just leave it as memories.

I thought i would still have a chance to meet her last time before i leave az, to pass her the birthday present i got for her last year october, i guess now no need....i will just leave it at the swing where we first met. Anyway i had fulfilled my last wish in az, i finally got the chance to talk to her and im happy to know she is well, she goes to school,graduated and now working, even drives a car....no regrets for me already....i just hope her god, jesus will bless her forever.

Now im looking forward back home and bkk trip....what is the greatest gift i had here during this 2 years 3 mth? is a lesson learnt, i let myself know what is call love, and dun anyhow love, she let me know what is true love just like what she had for albert. This is just like a movie of myself in az....life goes on, if one day im still in big bird world, if happened to come back az again....i hope i could see her again at any shopping mall here....maybe that time, she will be with her husband and kids and im with my future wife and kids....i will invite her family to my house for a dinner.....to taste my future wife cooking. Hahahahaha, what a dream i have! all i can say is take good care my friend, julie.

2009-03-22T04:27:00.000-07:00

over joy me? hi and bye dinner

I think i was over joy by julie's call yesterday that i thought she had already accept me as a friend back? i sms her 3 times today, she never replied even a single one.....i guessed maybe she is only interested in buying my past mitsubishi galant rather than asking how am i doing now, but after all it is not important anymore.....i had get used to the life after she left.....to me, she is still a friend cause as i promised myself no matter what happened in the end between us.....she will still be a friend of mine....i guessed maybe im not even a friend to her anymore....but i was happy she finally called me after 10 mths.

The truth is, she is not the one that im looking forward in the future anymore, she is not my priority anymore because i had given that priority to someone else.....i guessed im too emo when i overjoy and cry because i think of the past we had....it is really machiam a movie or drama series.All i can say is, i finally can leave arizona with no regrets, im happy to know that she lead a happy life now.I have my life too, im going back to singapore to build my future and i know in this world, not everything you wanted you will get it, but if i dun try i never know, at least i do my best and no regrets, being patient is one of my strong point.

Today, we had the hi and bye ceremony at the world buffet, plus family members of my gang, about 53 ppl attended, new guys joined us and old boys like me and kelvin leaving....i was awarded a certificate presented by my boss, he joked and told i had finally graduate from RI....2 years 3 mths ago, i was a rookie, blur boy who came to this kantang land, now i think i had mature alot and had been a more confident guy in work and life....all i can is im abit sad to leave my friends here....but i still have to go back to my roots which is in sg....i really enjoyed working with the ang mohs here....really world class peoples....the standard i no need to say....it is all printed everywhere, hahaha.

im actually not happy with this dinner, cause our fund had only 350 bucks and the final total bill came 974 bucks, 600 plus dollars......all u stare at me and i stare at u pattern.....poor moey dunno what to do, i can only hear ppl ask him to sign credit card first, all eat finish, and walk away.....15 of us just around him had to each fork out 45 bucks first just help to pay the bill.....the rest just walk away.....knn! really make me blood boil......not even one of the seniors there wanted to give a helping hand to ah moey....the poor paiseh him had to count every single dollars he had in his wallet....the out going crew me still have to help fork out my part of 45 bucks first to help clear the bill.Haizz is the word i can say.

Today me and wai tuck spend sometime cleaning the kitchen, i wash my bath tub, toliet bowl and fridge.....few days later, there is a inspection for our house.....finally yahooo....im going back sg! now i just look forward return back and later drink tom yam soup with fel in about 12 days time.

2009-03-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

The most happiest moment i have in az 2009

i came home after my work, i saw 2 miss call, it was again that unknown number....602 xxx xxxx....that same number sent to me on 21 feb 2009, that mystery sms sent to me, a message to tell me to take care and whatever....first instinct i suspected it is julie....i tried to call back, no one answered.....then i never care about it anymore....

So coincidentally, when i viewed my friendster, i saw a az friend added julie into her friendster.....i tried to message her again and asked her to take care....and at the same time, i was viewing the blog i created for her last time http://www.mah-ai.blogspot.com/, erik santos song played....then this time the call came again...when i answered the phone, i heared her trembling voice....she said she is julie......i was so happy....my last wish in az finally fulfilled....i never expect her to call me after 10 months of MIA...she asked me how am i? and when im going back to singapore....im happy for her, she finally knew how to drive a car....i remembered i used to teach her how to drive somewhere near my place....she got herslef a hyundai accent...i was surprised that she wanted to buy my car, that mitsubishi galant that i once used to drive her everywhere...that car after we had parted, i sold it to joe for a super lugi price....because i wana forget her.....im really happy for her, she got a car and she is working now....im happy cause my wish came true.....but we only chatted for like 5 min and she told me she going back to work. She told me, after we lost contact, her husband got her phone and she never had my number until few days ago, she saw the sea shell box i gave her after my 2008 florida trip, she had my number inside the box and she tried to call me again. she finally got me this time.

i sincerely wished her all the best.....i knew after i go back sg....i might not have a chance to come back az anymore in future.... i will always remember you teach me these words..... mingaw ko nimu - which means " i miss you" ..... i already forget all the hurts she once gave me.....i hope the scar we once gave each other will be faded and remain as friends again.For all the undecent past we once had....it is already past...i will never forget you, my friend, julie. take care always.

i think im abit foolish and silly, i actually cried after i hear her voice....maybe im touched that she finally called....this 10 months of waiting, i never waste it, i finally waited for it..

this post really link to my 21 feb 2009 post @ http://cmstory.blogspot.com/2009_02_01_archive.html title who is the person who sms me?

2009-03-19T23:10:00.000-07:00

updates me
sorry peeps, had not been updating the recent me, im really busy in doing my last minute stuff before going back sg, im counting down!!!! 9 days and 15 days to bkk with fel.These days i had been packing my boxes, my clothes, carebears,laptops, desktop and my collectibles here and will ship back to sg on 20 march.

I had also prepare my presentation to get my next higher qualification in big bird world, my ipi qualification.Im doing a meaningful presentation, i find out all the steps in what my role need to do, and explain out each steps in my presentation.....also packing my 2 luggages, 1 backpack and my laptop bag ready to go back on 28 march.....my car agent, janet had informed to sign the documents which means 2nd week of april, my car is ready to be collect.

fel give me a good biz plan, idea of buying ladies clothes from bkk and do a blog shop online and sell them....this is a good idea....targeting at ladies wear is confirm nice, but the first two month will be lugi....she will ask her friends to be the model for the clothes, this plan sound interesting....we will look further into it...my plan is start small...use 1k as capital first and see how is it.

recently, at here, a few ppl ask me, the first thing they ask me, am i filipino? i really look so much like filipino meh? even a thai here ask me that, why not thai ah?when i say im not, they will say from vietnam, then follow by thai,laos ...hahahaha....i think i really have a south east asia face. Even julie last time also said i look like one of their members....filipino.....recently, my cebu friend, cathy also said i look very like a filipino......but i wanted to look more like a thai...because i like their history and culture.

2009-03-09T01:32:00.000-07:00

counting down

Finally back in arizona, im now counting down 20 days left in here, im going back to singapore soon......im excited! i had plan everything smoothly.....janet had been emailing me this few weeks and tell me the progress of my new car in sg....it had arrived in sg....but i need to sign some documents before i can registered the car....so i had confirmed with her, 30 march i will go down and sign....and 2nd week of april, right after i come back from bangkok with fel....i will be seeing my new love - black picanto.

I had complete about 70 percent of my box packing today....i cant sleep this 2 night i dunno why? saturday night, i was chatting with cathy in yahoo,we were web camming... she said something about me......she told me she like my eyes ....really got a shock! HAHAHA, this cebu hot sexy pretty lady gave me such a compliment....it makes me remind of julie, she said the same thing a year ago....makes me wonder is it cebu girls said the same thing? im just joking.

i cant sleep, liaw msn me and ask me go supper, so 240am, we drove to gila river casino to have our free meal.....ordered breakfast set plus hot wings....we are members so we were given free food tickets every month....after eating, went down to see the pai gai table, saw mr sonny and a few regular faces there.....these ppls are really called professional players......me and liaw sat down and played till 7am.....both of us got special...liaw got 4 of a kind - sevens....and i got 4 of a kind - aces. I dunno why, i dun have the greed and mood of gambling anymore...i guess im not addicted to it anymore after 6 weeks not going to casino....this time i went because hungry and bored.....hahaha...and both of us win abt 100 plus...we went home. I like the times when we players joke and talk when gambled...with the dealer...it is so fun......when mr sonny disturbed every dealer who comes to our table.

Now my mood is going home mood, looking forward the bangkok trip with fel, back to sg settle my car things, meet up with old friends and attend wedding dinners and babies full month....need to get ready some ang bao.

i finally saw the oscar winning film slum dog millionaire, a very nice touching bollywood movie....introduced by liaw....a movie about a guy called jamal who fight for love and not $ using the show, who wants to be a millinaire....hahaha....must watch peeps! this simple movie won 8 awards recently.In this movie, i admired jamal love for latika...cause he never give up easily.

2009-03-03T23:52:00.000-08:00

looking forward.....

Im still in florida now, suppose to leave this place tml, but i guess will delay 1 day...because of some delay in work....need to stay one day.March finally come, in less than a month, i will be heading back to sg....i miss sg foods, family, friends and the coming new kia picanto car of mine....but out of these, the most looking forward thing will be the bangkok trip again with fel,because i want to see her again.....this time i did a "good" planning and plan what to do for the 6 days of event.

As planned by me, i booked a candle light dinner cruise along the famous chao praya river, i guess it will be nice, romantic i guess.....cause chao praya river is nice .....and i also did booked a day tour to thailand version of disneyland > dream world .....it is north of bangkok....it will be fun! i told fel, the last trip we went, took not many pics....just abt 100....this time 6 days, i make sure the pics will be over a 1000, lolx, i had prepared a 8G SD card in my canon camera....it can take more than 9999 pics.

This is my plan.

day1 - chinatown- erawan 4 face buddha pray - dinner at mbk - route 66 club at night
day2 - shop at platinum and pratunam area - candle light dinner cruise @ chao praya river - route 66
day3 - chatuchak market shopping - siam square - patpong night market
day4 - dream world - mbk dinner - night massage
day5 - BTS/MRT tour - just hope in the train...see where nice, go where....explore
day6 - erawan morning pray, pratunam shopping and back to sg

really hope this trip will be fun and memorable....after this trip.....i will not travel for at least 6 mths, cause im tired of travelling this 2 years plus.....hahaha...phobia of flight ....lolx.

2009-02-27T21:19:00.000-08:00

weekend rest for me

It is weekends again, my guys in the hotel had just went to club la ve la, today is the first day of spring break, lots of pretty ang moh babes and hunks hitting the club....i dunno why, i just dun feel like going.Im not pms or anything, i just wana rest myself in the hotel, i just brought a kenneth cole reaction luggage for a super duper discounted price at 65 bucks only, original price was 360 bucks.....ahahaha, super discount sales at dillards. And 2 calvin klein under wear at 3 bucks each only....whole store sales 40 percent discount this 2 days.

Few days ago, i recieved a sms from dunno who, i guess is julie.....today after 9 months of separation...i finally have the courage to view her friendster profile again, but it was set in private mode.....from the pic and words....i can sense she is not happy again with her relationship with albert...i cant send her any message and i will not anymore, as i promise myself, i will not disturb her life anymore.....we are already history....i just wana sincerely wish her all the best...hope 1 day she could go back to cebu and be with her true love.One of my wish before leaving arizona is not fulfilled yet, yeah i really hope to contact her again and be a friend back...just a normal online friend.....but i knew after so long the chances is limited, so i will not have any great hope about it.

Right now, im just looking forward going back to singapore on 28 march, then 3 april im going bangkok again with fel.....i think fel is also not happy recently...that is why she MIA....she really need time to be alone.....hope she is well too.....need to do some soul searching i guess.1 week ago, i msn her and i called her ah ling, she shocked why i call her that name, because i remember last dec when we were at changi airport, her mum sent her a chinese sms, her mum called her ah ling.Im really looking forward this bkk trip with her again....this time will be 6 days of event, hope it will be fun for us....i really hope she could enjoy the trip.I dream of her last night, interesting dream.....lolx.....i hope i have my chance in wooing fel, im sincere and i will wait till she is ok.

Back in sg, april, after my bkk trip, will need to settle my car thingy....get everything done in 1 week time....then followed by my work, i still dunno if im going to changi or tengah yet.....anyway...any place is ok for me.....i will work more hard in work back in sg.....i need to settle down in sg and no more flying for me at least 6 months....im really tired of flying here and there this 2 years plus.....im almost fear of flight, lolx.....at least 20 times of flight in this 2 years plus....fly here and there....i need to be grounded for sometimes.

I also need to find back my friends, and spend sometimes with them in sg....im happy to know jaxmin, my last time clubbing khakis, with tommy and wayne.....jaxmin settled down with a guy....im happy for her, cause i want her to get her xinfu......no more changing of bf here and there.....get marry soon and invite me wedding dinner.....im really happy to see friends around one by one meet the MR right or MRS right.....i would like to see some pretty smiling pics in thier friendster or facebook.

2009-02-24T22:44:00.000-08:00

headache,headache,headache

I dunno why im feeling headache, maybe because of the weather here, cold then hot then cold then hot....i just feel tired, maybe because of work, this few days after work, i will have a hot bath inside my hotel bath tub....at least 1 hour inside.....steam my tireness away.

Going back to sg, will surely face $ factor, headache too! now my dad totally put the responsible of the flat we living now under my name, now i co-own the flat with my dad......because i used all my cpf saving about 40k plus to support this flat we living and monthly im topping up 600 plus....haizz, is not that i dun wana take this responsible, cause since young i knew and all my family knew dad only work enough for the family but never work hard.....but he is a responsible man la and a lovely husband to my mum. what i dun like about my dad is, he is quite nua la....work enough and not hard.....because of his health, so i dun want him to work hard anymore in life, so i agreed to bear this housing responsible.....he and mum always said, aiya next time this house also give you one, now u support also like that.

Next time i can buy new housing with future wife what? i never wanted to aim this house at all....since young i knew i must work hard for myself.....cause i told myself, i dun wana own any ppl any thing, im so scare of debts.....im proud to say i dun own any credit cards $$, im debt free since the day i joined big bird.....but i bluffed some ppl and my parents that i own ppl $$$, i dun want ppl know that im loaded or well being.....because ppl will aim your $......eye red....i bluffed my parents because i dun want they always have this intention that their son is super rich or what.

I do have some savings now, but the $ is not for myself only, the $ is for future, my family future, it could be even my parents coffins $.....because i know my parents dun have $ for raining days....so i save this amount for future use.....what i buy so much saving insurance, 1 month im paying 500 plus....cause touch wood, if i accident die 1 day.....my parents will have $ la.....at least buy a coffin for me.

I had noted in my personal notebook about the years after 2012, like what year i can have how much of $ ready to use for future, what year my insurance saving $ can be use....all planned by me....so i cannot get married before 2012, hahaha......ermmmm look at the current situation.....not possible too....cause no gf also...

ideal year of marriage will be 2012 to 2014, i already save enough $ for future marriage, hehehe, i will wana make it a memorable one, cause it is once in life time, i wana go honeymoon to somewhere nice, milan,niagara falls - canada, or paris.Hopefully, future mrs yeo will appear soon.

Im contented in what i had now, at 17 i work hard after completed my o level, washed SIA plane for 6 months, save up 1.5k to buy my first computer without a cent sponsor by my family....at 19, i decided to get sponsorship from big bird for my poly studies and work for 10 years.....i work hard and get my result now...but this is not the end yet.....i have to start to work hard more for future....my peak is not there yet.....i just work hard recently enough for me to get a 1st car in sg myself....hopefully by 34, i can see some result in me, i put that as a target....7 years from now.....by that time, i will be a mature and more confident man....

i will jiayou! jiayou! jiayou! hopefully by that time mrs right is already there by my side....when im tired, give me a good shoulder massage and i will in return dote her with gifts,love and branded goods. lolx....let look forward that day .....12 may 2015, my 34 year old birthday....i will still blog here and post happy family pictures.....hopefully i can be a papa, and my parents can be ah ma and ah gong. I will work hard for my target!

2009-02-23T20:48:00.000-08:00

799 th days in kantang land

Today marks my 799th day in kantang land, 33 days more, i will complete my 832 days of tour here, so fast, i will have to say goodbye to this lovely country, i will miss this place for sure.I never regret coming to this place as i had learnt alot in work and as a individual.

Up coming things to do, i had not really give janet a answer on the car thing, my first love kia picanto or kia cerato forte? i think i still settle for that picanto, cause of its cute sporty look.I had to fork out about 3k as planned to beauty up this new car of mine, change sport rims, body kits....and some cute mod on it.....i want to set aside this $ for this upcoming birthday present i give myself. I expect the car to reach 1st week or 2nd week of april.

And 3rd of april, im going to bkk again, yeah with fel again....this time we upgraded the days, will be spending 6 days 5 night there, this time i wana go a few places that i had not been the last tour, like chinatown,route 66, dream world? i hope the trip will be more fun than the previous one.....a unforgetable one. :) im really look forward in this trip....my main purpose of this trip is not praying, the main purpose is i wana spend time with this girl i like, wana understand this girl more, ermmm just want her accompany, because i really find her nice to be with.Because i knew that she wana go there again.I asked her twice then she agreed to go bkk again with me.....this trip must eat more thai food and less jap foods, hahahaha.The wish and prayers that i made from erawan shrine 4 face buddha, have not come true leh, i hope that wish will come true soon, this time i go pray again....actually that wish is simple and meaningful and blessful...i hope my sincerity will be granted.

but i made a mistake in booking the tickets, i booked the most early flight, reach there will be 8am plus only......2pm then can check in...so now im planning what to do for that few hrs in bangkok......lolx.....scratch my head!

I will take this bangkok trip as my relaxation before i start work in sg in april.....may period i look forward for my birthday and kim hung wedding dinner on 17 may, and meet up some old friends, secondary sch,poly and outside friends....

but i will be back to phoenix next week, 4 march i will reach az, then will be busy packing my boxes, clearing my stuffs and prepare to go back sg.

2009-02-21T11:25:00.000-08:00

who is the person who sent me the sms?

The first week of florida ended, the weather changes here is very sudden, morning can be damn cold and hot in the afternoon, imaging us working in the open at 4am, and is only 4 degrees....im a person who very scare of cold....i keep having freeze headache this few days, maybe in the open too long, in these freezing morning.

Friday night, me and my guys here headed to the club la ve la, the most happening club in florida, nothing to do, so just went to see see.....ermmm ladies night....hahaha, ang mohs are really so happening.....dirty dancing everywhere.....i like one part of the dancing in the dance floor, where the whole crowd inside were dancing to left to the left then to the right to the right...i was inside and it is so fun.

saturday morning wake up damn late, too tired, some of the guys went destin shopping and the other 10 of us went to american eagles for our 40 percent off....hahaha, i brought 1 polo T, 1 t-shirt and a belt for 18 bucks only.After the shopping, had mcdonalds for dinner with robin, then i went back to my hotel room for a bath...wait for liew and jason back to continue our mahjong game.

played 4 rounds, lucky towards the end win 90 bucks.....in the mid of my mahjong game, someone sms me, and the number is a unknown number to me, a arizona number by the start of 602 XxX xXxX, it is surely not my friends here, it is a blessing kind of message,it wrote,

" i know im just a passer by in your life and i wana thank u 4 letting me park a little space in u, and the joy and of my life.I surely won/t forget you, promised!"

who could be the person? i suspect someone, could it be julie? did my slient prayer and my wish came true? my wish is to be a friend back and know how is she now? i really hope she is well. I know she had changed her number, could this be her new number? actually 2 days ago, 19 feb is the day we met in 2008....she suddenly rem me?

I really wana tell her what had happened between us is already history, the hurt she gave is already faded, i once said she is important to me, i dun wana lose her even as a friend, cause she is my 1st friend in arizona. I dun love her anymore, i just treat her as a friend,cause i knew i like someone now, and i put the person in my priority list. i have about 30 few days left, i really hope the person who sms me would be julie, maybe we could have a chat in yahoo or phone....i just wana know how is she doing now.The truth is all the while, i wanted her to be happy...i did everything to make her feel happy, in the end, she decided we should end it.

2009-02-18T17:20:00.000-08:00

BLOOD boil till i headache

A hungry man is a angry man.....it makes me boil blood today...i know operation is important....just that everyone in the house had their lunch, what about the few of us outside struggling to finish our task under the cold windy weather? no one will really pity us, i finished my task fast today and went to help my friends.....but end up im the last one to enter the building.....once in i told robin put down all the task, lets go and have our cold lunch.....already 4pm....we had not eat anything since morning 715am....but robin insist on carry on finding his thing.

Im really not happy with the guys i work with recently, the team work is not really that good, inside the team, there are ppl who know how to siam and talk big only, some know the art of "ninja", some only use the mouth to talk and say those weak ppl are slow and they forget something....they themselves also 2 words > BUAY GAN! today i raise my voice at 3 person, first was a person at flight line, i pass the key to him and return them after helping them a task....then in return he ask me, why the key have not return and thing still there, i raise my voice at him and say, THIS IS NOT MINE! sorry for that, he did not know the hungry me was in a bad mood.

Second was a senior, he asked me why i had not open the forms? i shoot him directly in the face, i did not do the task why i must close everything? why cant the person who did cannot close themselves? i purposely dun wana help, i just dun want, i wana see "automatic" will work or not.

Third was a junior of mine, came here for more than 3 month, dunno how to open the cams system!!! follow the manual line by line also can do wrong!!!! this is due to lack of practice and simply dun care during these few months, dun know dun wana learn....im really pissed off! i purposely told him off, come here 3 mths, dunno anything? actually not only him, in the team of 24, let me seriously count.....more than half of them dun have the cam password.....cause they simply dun care and wait for ppl to do for them.....actually my password die off 6 months ago....i purposely dun wana reset my password.....cause i wana see who will really wana learn this system....to my suprise, out of these guys, only 2 really learn it well.....only daoli and patrick g at least pick it up well.

"old boys" like me,philip and kelvin leaving soon in 1 month time....im proud to say last time the team we had, 24 of us every one know to do cams....all know how to key in everything, everyone has their own password.....ppl like yimin,chian,jermaine,william,kent,shyam,lua and many more old boys.....our team work is super duper good.......im not saying the new guys not good.....there are some who are slow but willing to learn, one of them is robin....i think after 3 of us leave in march, the person who know cams well will be patrick pak.

OIC is starting pressure me and kelvin for the coming IPI presentation, today i find out what im going to brief him, i had plan to do my IPI project not like others briefing system....i will list out all the IPI steps that i need to do after getting my qualification.....there are about 20 tasks that need the IPI step...i will go find out everything and note it down in my powerpoint presentation....i think this will really help me and understand what actually the IPI thing works after i get my qualification....will prove to others im a IPI that knew my job, other than sign blindly for the thing.I must get my IPI before i leave usa.....this is a upgrade of myself in big bird world.

If i ever go back to bee domes, i wana prove to 1 person that i get my IPI by hard work, that will be mr chew, i will remember the days when i work with him, how lousy i feel i am, i really admit during that time, alot of things is either i dunno how to do or i lack of confident in doing, i remember 2 years ago at the airport before he leave.....he told me to work hard.....this time back....if i have the chance, i will prove to him my IPI got here is by my 2 years of hard work.

Sometimes at here, is not that i throttle down and do less in work, i just wana see the new comers and ppl in the team, how much they willingly to contribute......i know in the team, there are a few who only know how to use mouth and say....then will also say those weak one.....but actually those weak ones are better than those use mouth one.I think as i get older, my temper get more higher....maybe the lava in me is getting to erupt soon....i will not hesitate to scold anyone in the face the next time the person make me blood boil.....cause work is work, friend is friend....but i really scare ppl will take to heart....but no choice...you wana haolian, you must know your job well.

suddenly, i feel like telling someone, you had treat a few guys good in your life, and in return, they treat you no good, now heaven send me, send me here to treat you good.I may not be the ideal one, but i just wana treat u good....simple right?

2009-02-17T22:19:00.000-08:00

first day of operation in here in 2009

The actual first day of operation was smooth, i like my team which consist of 2 old boys, me and kelvin, our 3rd time in a row in this exercise, old birds lolx....we fully aware and know how the operation and stuff goes around here.Just that, the persons that worked with us are different as rotation eevry 6 mths, ppl come and ppl left.

I miss the "old style" operation lead by angelo, like to work in his shift, because there will be sure fun and laughter at work....sometimes he also teach us some meaningful thing and some stuffs that i dun really know in big bird....he used to give me a call sign last time here, keep calling me krytonite, hahahahaha, because i call him superman. Under his shift, the team work is super duper good.....this "old general" already left our big bird world sometimes ago and joined the "small spy bird" lolx.

I made sure this detachment everything is smooth on my launchers side, because in this kind of high tempo exercise, if someone make a mistake, he will be "be headed" for sure....already here for 2 years plus, my 3rd trip in this exercise, i still miss the kind of team work we had last time, but i can see the guys are working hard try to catch up.....jiayou! jiayou!

I take care of 2 big bird today, 1 spare....already so "old bird", i knew what am i looking for and check everyday.....i did a fast look out and check then i proceed to help charge up all the shoes of big birds....first day of operation.....sure lot of shoes undersize...need to be service.But suay!!! my 4-270, the big bird that had been assigned to me for 1 year plus die after i start to launch, cause i discovered that there was no "farting air flow" coming out from the two "arm pits" of big bird when start up.....i had to call for a " r ball" and then shut it down....Lucky i discover this fast, if not i will be "be headed" if things goes wrong ....lolx.

My experience here not only learn about technical stuffs, i really fully understand and know the power of SA (Situation Awareness), this kind of self taught art can/t find in any manual....in this kind of high tempo event....SA radar have to shoot out wide....in order to save guard myself and also keep a look out for my friends( especially the new guys ) and those first time here....i left about 30 to 40 days here .....i just wana end my trip smoothly and peacefully.....i dun have to score anything here.....just end it fast ...

Janet, my car agent contacted me this few days, she intro me this new car kia forte, a new verison of kia cerato.....actually i like kia cerato too.....but i still settled for that small cute kia picanto....i asked her to get ready for me by 1st week of april.Im ready, cause i brought some car stuff here too and i wana try out my garmin gps with sg and malaysia map. lolx, a little bit of excited....when i go back sg, i wana pay a visit to my friend, mark too....since he passed away in nov 2008, i had not have a chance.....hope he would let mme dream of him and tell me what actually happen to him.

2009-02-16T16:43:00.000-08:00

destin shopping trip

I just came back from a long shopping trip from destin, about 2 hours drive from panama city to destin, we went to destin shopping outlets....11 of us include my USA counterpart, he is the "police" QA attached to us for this period of time, yeah by the way, his name is jerry.

What had brought for the day? a nike t-shirt for 3.97, a pair of nike running shoes for 29.94,3 pair of nike socks for 6.99, 1 coach mens small wallet for 29.99, 4 coach womens signature small coin purse for 19 each,1 calvin klein shoes bag for 19.99,pair of levis jeans for 14.95, 4 boxer shorts for 20 from banana republic....today shopping cost me about 200 plus? the shopping trip is worth it rather than losing $ in casino.After the shopping trip, we went to hunts for oysters....im not a fan of seafoods....so im out....i had chicken tenders meal instead....joe,liew,jerry and me sat on the same table.....we declare our table as non-oysters table, where the other 2 table eating dozens and dozens of oysters.

While eating, was chatting with jerry, found out that the american soldiers benefits is really better than us, the government provide them with lots of stuffs....he was not a "police" by nature, he was same as me a crew chief on the start....as years goes by....he became a "quality man" , he told me he had move house 7 times in 8 years.....he was born in maryland....and posted to many parts of the states, include a oversea detachment in korea.....that is really interesting .....and he asked me where had i been to? i told him just sg, tom yam land and his kantang land here....think of that so fast im going back sg soon.....this 2 years spent in here....had been a memorable one for me.

Im thinking of putting another art on my body, i wana tattoo something that can remind me of arizona, not cactus for sure!!! hahaha, i wana tattoo something like red indian chief kind of picture on my right back maybe....just 1 small one and put az with love 2006 to 2009.

while i was writing this blog, fel messaged me in msn and asked me did i recieved her sms? huh sms? i thought she cancelled off her lines....she used a temp line to sms and thanks me for the flowers....but i never recieved the sms leh.....half ah hour later...then i saw the sms she sent 1 day ago......so lag!!! till now then i recieved the sms.Ermmm, im looking forward for a bkk trip again this april with fel, this time wana go to some places that never go before.

2009-02-14T05:15:00.000-08:00

stupid florist

I had encounter a problem today, i recieved a email from gin flowers told me that the bouquet of roses i ordered is not being send....because they went to my friend place and no one was around, and the number i gave was uncontactable.....yeah i forget, my friend just changed her number.

I did gave the florist my usa number, they did not even call me and tell me this incident until i email them and asked....this stupid florist just can/t leave the bouquet of roses at the door step...instead he went away.....when i email them back, no reply.....sms also no reply.....until i had to call them instead......the most ever poor service i had ever encountered.Now i want the roses to be send again.....he wana charge me delivery charge again.....stupid stupid stupid...ok i pay...this time i made sure they send it.

The product i pay and not even done.....going to blacklist this shop forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! really made me blood boil in the middle of my night.....where i need to wake up at 5am just to send the email and ask, sms and call the stupid shop......customer service points is kosong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-14T04:42:00.000-08:00

valentine day in the rain

arghhhhh, valentine day really suck for me.....i worked in the rain for few hours....no choice, is operation....we have to be professional....a hungry man is a angry man.....since morning till night, no food till 7pm.....then got time to eat.....luckily, our team work is good today....5 of us af 10 big bird.......run here and there prepare to recieve them.

Arghhhhh, stupid florist really hit my nerve....i think back....they should not have ask me pay again for the delivery fee.....it is not the fees and $ that trouble me....is the principle, im the customer, i pay for the product and yet the item is not delivered....it really pissed me off for such a small thing.....i wrote a complaint letter back to the florist and told them if the roses not delivery by sunday.....i demand for the $$ i paid back,cause i never recieved any thing from there...i will for go that 15 bucks transport fee for them.Customer service is really poor....im going to condemn this shop for sure.It suppose to be send on 14....but not send, yet they did not informed for the first place....i had to email and call them back then i know the roses not delivered.Anyway, i recieved a email again today, they told me the roses had been sent.

valentine day of 2009, i feel nothing cause i was in the rain....hahaha.....happy valentine day to all!

I recieved a email from my poly friend, jian hong, he is very tall about 1.9 m tall.....we used to call him gao de.....he told me he is getting married.....wana invite me.....it will be in may end......yeah i will attend for sure.....i miss my poly friends....a chance to gather....i had updates from my friends throught MSN and know that sg change....im thinking of studying .....but im sure that it will not be engineering again....i need to back myself up if i cant continue with big bird in future....2009 is really such a crucial year for me to decide my stuffs.

Im happy to see my friendsters, many friends updated their recent life.....i think best is peiyu, moomoo gavin's gf.....althought i dun really know her.....we just had few gathering last time.....she is now married and very xinfu.....look at her wedding pics all so nice.....envy lol......many of my poly friends getting married one by one...but not my secondary school friends leh.....hope back in sg....i will get to meet my old friends one by one.....

2009-02-13T16:49:00.000-08:00

Valentine story

14 feb a day that couples would spend romantic times together.....exchange of gifts and candle light dinner....it is all about love love love love love....it is also birthday of my japanese idol since 1994, noriko sakai 酒井法子，she is now a pretty mum of 2....semi retired from japanese drama and music industry.

if heart to heart would meet, me to you would blend like a shadow,walking in the same direction, where our shadow hold hands.Sweet right? I miss that kind of sweet feeling, that kind of falling in love sweetness.

I had brought a valentine gift 2 years ago, it is a piece of wooden dream wishing box that wrote love on it, inside engrave love you with all my life, i told myself this special gift will be give to the special person of my life.....next time when im ready to marry this person, i will put the ring inside this lovely small wooden box and give it to her....the wooden box is from small town in alaska.....evenly if i have a gf next time, i will not anyhow give it to the gf.....because this piece of wood is precious to me, $ cant buy it from me, even if someone give me a good price for it, 10k ....i will not sell it....i had said many times, $ cant buy everything and $ is not important to me.Because this precious gift is for my future wife.

The priceless valentine gift for future wife brought in 2007

I hope friends around me that are single for long....true love will find them soon....love is something that not easy to describe, it can only be feel, it is so special, when you know you wana take care of the person, when you know you like the person even with her bad attitude or characteristic, you just like everything about the person....love is when you prepare to eat bread only everyday with the person instead of chicken wings.....love is pure, love is you. :)

Cupid lover, faster shoot, shoot some arrows around my single friends.....but please shoot the match and right horoscope ones to one and another....shoot me too? ok, shoot me with the target i like only, just the person enough....other targets i dun want and not interested.

I actually send a bouquet of roses to the person i like, just wana wish the person happy valentine day and hope she will be happy these days....cause she had not been happy these days....i knew i may not the perfect and most wanted person that she wants to send her these roses.....it is just a wish by me...hope she happy that is all,cause she like red roses.

This website shows you the meaning of roses > http://www.ginflowers.com/meaning-roses-number-i-16.html

2009-02-12T16:19:00.000-08:00

Panama city, florida 3 in a row

After 4 hrs of flight, from phoenix to atlanta city, then atlanta city to panama city.....finally reached the most eastern part of states....i will be staying here from 12 feb to 4 march....3 years in a row....during this winter to spring period im here....throught out my flight today, i slept all the way...when i finally opened my eyes, the granny beside me tap my shoulder and tell me,

"boy, you slept all the way, such a good sleeper.".....hahahaha...i told her i was dead tired....my 3rd time in florida, but this time spring break has not started yet....spring breakers still not at the beach yet....so the beach bar clubbing scenes still not so happening yet.

My last panama city tour was a memorable one.....so fast 1 year had passed....during that period, i just got to know julie for not long....we would chat in yahoo messenger everyday using the web cam...she would send me some sweet sms....i still remember one "killing sentence" she sent me during that period...she wrote in a sms,
"i miss you, but i miss my ex bf more" ... i still remember last year panama city trip, i brought her a heart shape sea shell jewellery box plus a zipper pull florida states car plate with her name on it.Ok i knew i should not have mention her again, we had ended last time ago.....and i just kind of miss that sweet period of us....till now, i still think she look pretty and cute.....what left is just some pictures of us and a video clip we took together.

after this florida trip....3 weeks after i go back phoenix....im going straight back to sg...i had just contact janet and told her i wanted to collect my new car on 1st week of april...after that i will drive straight to ang mo kio place to change out new red metal shoes and body shields for my new car....i consider this car as the advanced birthday present for myself .

Right after my florida trip....i need to pack my boxes and settled everything here before i leave....my only regret left here is im not even a friend with julie anymore...if heaven will grant me a wish before i leave here, i hope i would see her again....be it a 5 min chat or hi and bye....i just wana see how is she now? even if she dun take me as a friend anymore....i still care for her as a "friend" ....really hope one day, she could go back to cebu again and meet her real love, i hope she and albert will be together again....i knew their love for each other is strong.

Valentine day coming....2 days later....cupid lover please help these 2 lover to be togther again.As for me? i dun need julie's love anymore....to me she is still my friend, to her, im just a stranger now. Anyway that valentine day, i will be busy working till 8 to 9pm.....it will be 6 years in a row never celebrate this romantic day with anyone.If cupid lover wana pity me? just hope, the person i like will pay attention to me for 300 seconds = 5 mins, that is all i need.It is already enough for me.

2009-02-11T22:24:00.000-08:00

what i want in future?

Now i start to target and aim for my future, im looking at 7 years later, by the age of 34, i wana see myself more successful in life, it is either staying in big bird force and work harder or i need to change to another path of working life.The picture seem like only with some pencil mark, i hope by 34, the picture of mine will be a colourful one....now is the time for me to start planning what i want in future...i wana get married at 34 or after 30 years old....i want my confident in life to soar.I wana be happy in life after 28 birthday this year....

Now im still in kantang land, the picture of future is still like some stroke of pencil mark....as years pass by, i wana draw some things on it and also colour it.I will start to plan after im back in sg next month....let myself settle down first....the pressure is acting on me now....family is always the top piority for me....my dad now really dun care about our HDB flat anymore, he had pass this burden to me, i use all my cpf to support the housing now, plus pay everything every month....i need this job to support my family roof....im planning to do some small biz next time...hopefully by the age of 34, i will be able to open my horoscope cafe.

i had my fun these 2 years, playing in big casino in vegas and az....i lost alot, learnt my lesson from the table of blackjack.....it is really wake up time not to touch these gambling things anymore and not into soccer bets too.....i dunno why, im starting to get excited about my future....because i knew i wana plan something good and great for myself and future family.....work hard for my future childrens!

I will not say i will not be emo anymore, there will be times for some sadness and unhappy moments....i will still pen down here....but i will learnt to be stronger in life....everytime i fall down, i myself learn to stand up again.....i dunno why? i may feel lonely now but i just feel happy and looking forward @ my future.

I will work hard in everything i do, as i promise myself, 34 is my next target in man hood....lolx.

2009-02-11T19:47:00.001-08:00

Private blog

Dear friends and readers, sorry for the trouble making this blog a private one....someone is trying to spam my blog and trying to be funny with my sister, jestina yeo.Someone actually tried to impose her and write nasty and untrue things about her...i decided to temporary make this blog private....so that the moron imposer cant get into and my blog and leave stupid link and comment about my sister.

To protect my sister, i had to do this, we had made a police report and tracking the ip address of that moron.

2009-02-10T22:19:00.000-08:00

canon canon where r u?

Argghhhhhhh, i lost something yet that thing is not mine!!!!!!! i borrowed kelvin's canon camera charger few days ago, wanted to charge my canon camera battery,because i left mine back in sg during the dec 08 home trip.....i 4get to bring it here.

I seldom lose things, i feel very pek cek when i lose my things.....i search every corner of my room...i just cant locate the charger.....how could i lost it? i search every compartment of my samsonite bag....flip all the clothes.....i just could not find it....i have a feeling maybe i accidentally left it at riveria casino hotel....i will search online and buy kelvin back a original one, it will cost me about 50 usd....i just dun understand how could i lost it? im always very cautious towards my stuffs....im very sorry for losing it....i will sure pay and return kelvin a new one.

someone is trying hard to scam my sister, jestina....by writing a blog about her....hey dun try ok! i knew my sister since 1983.....what kind of ppl i know she is....by faking a blog about her....be a human pls, i know who r u! if u wana try to ruin my sis reputation....im surprised that you can link to my blog.....anyway, if you have problem with my sis, call her to talk it out, face it and not use this kind of dirty methods to say ppl.

this time back in sg next mth, i wana bond my siblings relationship more....i need to care more for my brother and sisters.....i just wana see some drastic changes in my life in 2009....i knew i need to work more hard to acheive what i want in life....since 2006 till 2009 now, i had seen a change in me.....i grown up.Less emo of me this year, cause i wana achieve my target this year.

in reality world like now, everything needs $ and everyone in the world see $ very big and important, somemore recession recently, no jobs = no $ = no foods......it is a life fact....i can only say a shame to my country ppls.....because singaporean are too materialistic and kiasu.....it is the fact....if you let me choose $ or love....i will choose love, cause i will rather suffer with someone i love then have lot of $ in the world....but the true fact is, you must see if the person wana suffer with u lah.....nowadays hard la.To find someone willingly to suffer with you....if tell me last time grand father and grand mother times, i believe there is.

ppl may always have the wrong impression of me being a dreamer, a romantist.....always think of falling in love like a fairy tale story....hahaha....let ppl say me if they want.....it is just me.....because when im in love with someone...i will prepare to shower the person with surprises and care....just that when ppl dun really appreciates it....i will get abit of dishearted....but i have to understand something....in love case, there is no force....force = rape....rape love = unhappiness.....i want happiness....i want the heart of someone and not the body.....if i want body, i can find any flings i want.

im flying to florida thursday....after that, i will get ready back to sg soon.....i miss my friends,family and the person that i like, just really hope she is well and happy can liao,cause she is not happy recent.

i guess i need more heart to heart friends rather than hi bye friends....if ppl treat me as hi bye friend, i will automatic treat them as .... but i will always remember who good to me before, i will repay their greatness soon. Those loyal to me, who had made me touch before will get double ang bao from me ....lolx.

2009-02-09T21:07:00.000-08:00

fight for happiness

This photo of me i took last year april period when i went back to singapore for my 2nd home trip, the unshave sleeping me was caught in the camera....that period was one of the sweetest i had in 2008, because of a girl name julie.

I notice something about in this picture, i have long eye lashes, lolx....envyed by a few girls before, jean,julie and carlin last time told me i had long eye lashes....they are natural....what turn me off is? i forget who the girl, she actually asked me did i went to plant or trim my eye lashes before? lolx....do i need to do that? if u asked me, the whole body of mine, which is my favorite part? lol, not my didi lah.....is my eyes.Cause they are round and big.....julie once told me my eyes is special.... why am i keeping look back at the past? yes, i miss my past....after she left my life, i dunno why i start to have many filipino friends in friendster.About 10 of them now? the hottest is cathy, the pretty mum of 2 from cebu.But they are just net friends.

im actually want to look forward my return trip in sg next month, alot of things need me to do, i need to settle myself down back in sg.....my work, my stuffs....chase the girl i like....plan to study? i wana make my 2009 happier than the previous 27 years of life i had....i wana meet my friends, long time no see friends, from secondary to poly, to outside friends.....best is can organise a chalet or bbq, ask my secondary friends bring their kids and babies out.....hahaha...uncle yeo would like to play with them.Ermmm, i look forward for a bbq or chalet soon when im back in sg....would like to plan one.

My main aim of 2009 is not $, is happiness. I will not hesitate to make the most cruel decision in order to make myself happy. :)

2009-02-08T20:31:00.000-08:00

TAO - always a happy ending 快乐结局

This weekend, went to las vegas again,4 hrs of driving just for clubbing, hardcore huh? hahahaha, that place is fun, so worth going.....this trip i did not gamble much, i lost 15 bucks only and im happy cause i dun have time to gamble.....we started our trip at 6am and reached vegas at about 1030am.6 of us this time, wai tuck,john,kelvin,jason,edwin and me went.

once reached, we went to cathy to have morning dim sum and followed by shopping at las vegas shopping premium outlets, this time i brought a long sleeve shirt by oakley, only 20 bucks!!! a blazer from guess for about 57 bucks and red bull puma t-shirt for 13 bucks....yeah and abercombie cologne - the name of the cologne - fierce, the smell really last long.

Dinner was at planet hollywood's japanese buffet - todai - one of the most expensive buffet i had eaten before....convert to sing about 50plus bucks for a buffet....hahaha..i brought another 4 casino chip cushions, total now i have 8 of them.

We used our VIP ticket again to jump queue! lolx

night time was at venetian casino - tao - the vodka redbull i ordered was yucks!!! initially the pretty bartender was puzzled with me, because i actually told her i wanted VODKA ROOTBEER! hahahhaa, i said wrongly.....maybe all along im thinking of rootbeer.....i really like the dance floor there, makes me think of double0, my forever favorite club in sg.....i like the dancing too....the dirty dance that me and kelvin performed, i think we scare off the girls around us....they think we are gay.....a group of girls keep looking at us dancing and giggles at us....lolx...i told kelvin, this is one way to seduce them...but scare them off instead....when inside the crowded dance floor, kelvin gave command, when he said "attack" ....john charged and dance around the girls....hahaha....we all used "attack" on some ABC and some hottie ang mohs....but the whole night, my eyes were glue to one dancer at there, i think she is a filipino....she caught my eyes...because she really look like someone i known last time - julie. The girl who "hate" me now? i just wonder how is she? i kind of miss her as a friend - althought we were together for 3 mths in 2008...i hope she is well.

The most latest me, in case my friends forget how i look like,cause i had not post my pics here for about 9 mths? me at tao

I think it will be the last time of 2009 that im visiting vegas, cause im going back sg back for good next month!

2009-02-05T22:32:00.000-08:00

Start of feb 2009

A few days not blogging, this whole week had been very busy at work, tired tired, this week end going to vegas again.The main purpose of this trip is clubbing at TAO, saturday go, sunday come back......next thursday will fly to florida again for the 3rd time, but this time spring break not started yet.

next saturday is valentine day, on that day still have to work, hahaha, anyway....no one to celebrate with....wish all the single guys i know, find a gf soon....all the single girls find a bf soon.And wish the next coming valetine day i will not be alone.If i will to celebrate this day with the girl i like, i hope it will be at canada's side of niagara falls, i been there before, it is such a beautiful place.....a romantic candle light dinner by the side of the water fall, at night take a stroll along the side of the fall, watching the stars in the sky.It is simple and sweet.

"dun let some1 become a priority in your life when you are juz an option in their life" im very stubborn with this sentence, hahahha, because the me always oppose and wanted to be the option naturally....lol....maybe it is my destinated life.

im happy that these days i learnt to be happy....i cant always be moody,anyway,im used to it being moody and after sometimes i will naturally cheer myself up here..... because i have lot of things to do after i go back sg.....lot of things for me to plan....to start with....my future is still ahead and not end yet......what i wana achieve in life have not appear yet.....actually my 2009 have not start yet.....i had to wait for 12 may 2009 to come then i will break my 3rd cycle of 9 years....my 27 years of curse.

Life to me is a gamble, i knew if i want this thing, i must do or try...if i dun, i will never get the answer i wanted....or i will never know the result....it is either yes or no, win or lose.I believe hard work will always get you the result since young, it never fails me.....throught these hard work, you will cherish your result.....

ermmm....mr option hope he would be someone's mr priority in future. :)

2009-02-03T01:31:00.000-08:00

old boys

actually i wana write this blog long time ago, old boys. i had been here for 2 years plus, kelvin,philip and me are considered old boys.....this one what "maggi mee" said once in a email that "shoot" kelvin long time ago when he did something wrong.The 3 of us had under go many management change, seen alot this 2 years.

counting my days,30 plus working day left, next week will be going florida for 3 weeks for work, after i come back, it will be time to go back sg.This 5 weeks left here will be very busy, my ipi qualification is due, i need to do a project to get my qualification soon...no time! plus i need to start packing my boxes before i go back sg....i had already packed 7 boxes.....still many to go.

old boys like us had been throught many sandstorms,summers,winters, we had face harsh training before here last time, the expectation like last time here is getting lower and lower, the standard here of working is really more lousy.....sometimes many ppl just used "eye power" rather than hands on.....sometimes i think ppl just know how to say but dunno how to do...haiz is the word.

I remember last time be4 JP left, i told him, after they leave, here will be very jialat, but then after each rotation leave, we still work hard and continue our life here....last time we have 24 strong army....now left 3 old boys that can fight on...i does not mean that other ppls in the team cannot work....just that they really never feel and been throught the "harsh time" we had last time.....now everyone just play "luan", u wait for me, i wait for you......hahaha, in the end see who die? there are really a few of them in the team that can work......but a few of them really need to buckle up abit.......we are consider the "commando" in big bird world....i just think that nowadays the commandos sent here is really not up to our expectation, dunno nvm, but must be willingly to learn.

I had been throught the hard times here, i learnt from scratch here.....is not that i wana tone down these few days and act like i dun care about my works, just that i wana see who actually know what is call automatic, we draw the same pay, same amount.....i dun wana see anyone just snake away...it is unfair for others.

I just sold my car to patrick, my ford escort sport zx2 coupe at 1500 usd only, i brought it at 2000usd from ah heng 5 mths ago....now i dun have car...that means i cant go casino anymore!!! yes!!! i will use the remaining $ i had here for my use till the day i leave for sg......just wana do some last min shopping , shop, shop, shop....

just wana go back sg soon, settle down my car in sg, meet old friends, see ppl i like....2009 is no time for emo stuff, jan wasted! still got 11 more months to go...i will work hard for that 11 mths....i really hope everyone i know will be happy...

2009-01-28T19:40:00.000-08:00

back to normal mode

I had decided emo period will be gone, i will do anything that will make me feel happy....this 2009 is really crucial year for me, i need to plan many things for my life till 2014, start from 2012 till 2019, $ will come into bank every 2 to 3 years, my saving plans all will hit within that few years.

from 2012 to 2019 will also be the year ideal for a family and babies, cause financial i will be very stable....i always tell myself it is ok to be emo sometimes, because you will reflect yourself and think how to improve yourself.

i had about 52 days left here, once back to sg will be facing reality.....i will prepare myself to take the responsible to take care of my family in terms of everything....$ will be a big factor....im on stand by mode already....cause i know i cant depend on my dad....since young, i knew i must work hard.....and i work hard for what i had now....not enough, because i still have to work hard for future family.

Just came back from work, just log in msn, fel msg me happy new year! about 13 days never see her online,15 days later then she told me the cake is nice, hahaha, dunno why? just feel happy seeing her message....yeah....maybe because like her.canace disturb me when i put msn nick to work hard for 3 korkor and 1 meimei in future.....she said how come i suddenly got so many babies? i joked and said i wana be single dad.....she asked me go fling other girls then collect all the babies back or buy babies.....she said not easy to be single dad.....haha...i told her the different between single dad and single mum is no breast milk feeding only....hahahaha.

$ can lose, but confident cannot lose, because $ is not everything in this world, i can earn back anytime, i wana work hard and achieve what i plan for 2009.....jia you jia you !!!

2009-01-27T05:14:00.000-08:00

moody is my style

Im back, just start of jan 2009, it suppose to be my luckiest day of my life, but the start seemed worse to me, i had been battling with myself in order try to make myself feel happy.I really can/t....i guessed im ill, emotionally ill, the first 2 day of chinese new year, i went to flagstaff for some snow boarding actions with jason,kelvin,da hong, yan yan, zhen xi, soong, john, ah chua and boon hui.....it was really kind of fun....i guess maybe it will be the last time for me playing in the snow.

I really like flagstaff, it really look kind like a old town, and snowing....the scenario is really very nice and beautiful.....my days in arizona is counting down...52 days left? i had been seriously on my "drugs" for the past 1 week, again and again i used that "drug" to ease my loneliness....i feel a little happy at the casino table,but im also drawing my blood $.

today, went to incik ting house for some cny lunch gathering, see so many cute kids and babies....hahaha so envy....really like to play with them.After that i went to arrowhead mall with kelvin, the first time since 9 mths ago, brought a pair of ALDO leather shoes.Kelvin asked me, why i seemed so moody these days, i say this is my style......hahahaha....i like to be quiet and think of things.....because when im quiet im planning something or observing something.

I just finished watching little nonya, the full drama, really so nice and touching....the person you love most in your life may not the one who you are going to marry or be with together.

"The perfect men and women of our dreams live in our fantasies...In this life, we have to settle to whoever comes close...Someone not perfect, but real" this is really true, i extracted it from a filipino friend's friendster account....but reality is playing with ppl's life, nowadays men like pretty womens, good figure and sexy....womens like rich, handsome guys.

someone real, yeah, someone that treat you real, not acting, not plastic....lien hong asked me in msn, why my msn nick always seemed so sad? i told him, this is my style.....hahahha....he said he had not seen me happy for years? when is the last time im really happy from the bottoms of my heart? i really dunno.....i really dunno why i always feel so dishearted, i had always been in traps of girls problem....that is why when robbie shifu told me about the fate i had with girls in this 27 years of life, 1 word - miserable. Miserable to me always, but the ppl i like or love gain, i never really want any return....i just want the person to be happy.

Yesterday night very funny, when i lay down my bed watching tv, i was not sad or what, tears just suddenly drop from the corner of my eyes......what happen? im amazed, this is the first time i encounter this strange incident....the tears are like droplets, one by one flow into my ears.This is very strange! im not feeling sad or emo at that moment, just relaxing myself.....

2009-01-23T17:19:00.000-08:00

可能我的2009不会有美好的结局，因为只会停留在一月，这就是人生的结局。我输了！我累了。

2009-01-21T18:38:00.000-08:00

一月中的感言

生活中往往都会有一些小插曲，有些是开心的，有些是烦恼的，有些是可笑的，有些是温馨的。这几天闷闷不乐的我，感到心烦，真的感到不开心。工作时，脸上显露了不开心的表情，国华，道力都看的出来。他们都一只在戏弄我，他们懂我为何不开心。睡也睡不好，在床上翻来去，平平被MSN的声音给吵醒，但是发送来的MSN短讯，并不是我期待的人。有好几天没看到那个我喜欢的女孩online，真奇怪，可能是忙吧。

我很怕，我的喜欢会带给她人的压力，我希望不会。我明明知道她喜欢的人是"他"，但我还是喜欢她。喜欢一个人没错对吗? 欣赏她可爱单纯的一面，手忙脚乱的表情，自然品格的那一面，回想起来只有两个字可以形容 > 可爱。我真的"不小心"喜欢上这个朋友，但是我真的不懂如何向她表待，其实她已经懂了。"先做朋友" 是不是拒绝人比较好听的话?我真的希望不是！我很怕会有那种自作多情的感觉，结果自导自演的是我。我并不想要有这种感觉。我明白和了解她要的是他的关心和爱，真希望他能珍惜她，而且对她好一点，多一些关怀。我不想知道我喜欢的人不开心，就像一年前的julie一样，我都希望每一个身边的朋友都能得到应有的幸福。

嘿！我呢? 我也想给你"幸福"行吗? 我可能没有他的好，可是我决定没有他的烂。哈哈，真可笑 :(

总而言之，我真的不想让我喜欢的人有任何压力，因为勉强是没幸福的。我需要的只是一个机会。

2009-01-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

加油！金牛哥！

心寒的我, 怎样才会快乐? 我想了想。。。。。我要的幸福是用钱买不到的。这个幸福是个无价之宝。可能真的是命中注定，一个个和我擦身而过。期待就是等待，等待着一个可能是会给我幸福的人，这次我全祸出去了！
怎样才能打动她的心?而不会让她觉的很反感，哈哈，这真的让我自己感到头大，哈哈。

如果我真的又失败了，说真的，会感到失望，但我不想再失去一个朋友。真心的女性朋友已经够少了，就像julie这样，突然间，我们变成了最熟悉的谋生人，这种感觉真的不好受！

有时我想，真的是很严重！女孩往往都会把以前不好的经过，然后把所有的男人当成一样的！haizzz,可以让我大声呼喊一吗??在这里还有一个好男人！为何你们不多看小哥一眼 :(

我的不开心，只能让我自己承受，幸好有我的blog，伤心的时候，有他能让我倾诉。有时觉得自己很傻，会刻意做一些小动作让心疑的人感到开心或惊喜，因为我要让我喜欢的人开心，让她们知道当她们不开心的时候，还有一个男生在不远的那一个角落，原意听她们。我不需要任何回报，只是不要把我当成过街朋友。

有时真的很羡慕一些品格不是很好的男生，身旁总是环绕一些可爱的女生，男人真的要坏，女人才会爱吗?

或许处女座的他才是她的幸福? 金牛哥呢? 我会有机会吗? 想是没用的，我只能等待一次进攻的机会，处女兄如果你不好好珍惜这份面前的幸福，金牛哥是不会放弃的，因为这份幸福不容易得！

2009-01-18T05:33:00.000-08:00

独自

现在是早上六点三十五分，一个人面对着我的laptop，我整夜没sleep.Plan to go snowboarding today, but last minute cancel.Haizzz, yesterday last min,jason,joe and me went to phoenix sky harbour airport car rental center wanted to rent a bigger car, a mini van like dodge caravan, so that all of us can just take 1 car for flagstaff.....7ppl going...reached airport at 1am, find till 2am....no cars avaliable.

The next best day for snowboarding is going to be on chinese new year holidays, if not after chinese new year, will be at florida for 2 to 3 weeks before im going back singapore.

I went into a coma just now, i sleeped at 730am to 715pm.....about 12 hours of power sleep....我心寒，我在想怎么让自己开心.....i hate the feeling of battling myself in the room of loneliness

今夜，我想你，可是我不知道怎么表达。我只能望着laptop 说想你。因为我知道你心中的那个他不是我。

2009-01-17T02:58:00.000-08:00

我心寒！

怎么了? 为什么我又不开心? 不知怎么了，我感到心寒。在美国的这两年来，有时我真的感到有一些孤寂。其实，我把赌博当成消解孤独药，that is why i call it my "drugs". 我心寒，我真的好心寒！这几年来从来没有人会真的记的我的生日，我的512。自从2003 那年到现在，我没庆祝过生日，那年是我二十二岁生日。那年的生日过的很简单，可是我很开心，因为是我心爱的人为我庆祝，一个简单的巧可力蛋糕，妈妈，妹妹，第一个gf,金燕和我，一起在家为我庆祝。那年的生日，我真的感动到留泪，那年也是我最后一次看到自己的生日蛋糕。

2004 的生日，我一个人在sembangwang 的电影院看泰国片 beautiful boxer,那天我哭了，一个人独自在留泪。有时，我真的好献目身边的朋友，拥有幸福美满的家庭，有可爱的小宝宝，甜蜜温心的老婆。真的真的好ENVY！

有时，我问自己为什么我的感情路线这么 "SUAY", 到现在我从来没感受到真正得爱，从2003 到现在没有一个女孩真的让我感受到真爱。我要的幸福真的那么难找吗? 我真的那么烂吗? 我不开心，我真的好不开心！好想好想知道你的100分，会给怎样得人，是否也会我的份?我知道感情的路线，勉强是没有幸福的。单恋的滋味是不好受的，因为你想她，她想他。两颗心相遇，有人会开心，三颗心相遇，注定有人伤心。我不想再做那个伤心得人，我要做得到你幸福的人。

也许我已经习惯一个人的生活，对感情顺其自然，可是我不能再度向寂寞取暖。当我感受到爱情滋味的那一天，就是得到幸福的开始。

今天，我在msn问 GINA金牛妹怎么变开心? 金牛哥是不是很难看? 金牛妹说，Looks dun really matter, is the person. 也许金牛妹说的对。

2009-01-16T15:05:00.000-08:00

mid jan 2009

So fast already mid of jan of 2009, another one more week is chinese new year....i had transfered 1k to my parents just for the new year....it is more than enough for a chinese new year spend.....at here i still dun really feel the atmosphere for the new year.....we are going to have celebration too next week, it will be fun cause lots of event, chinese new year dinner, 3d toto games, poker and mahjong tournament.

This week is also a long weekend for us, due to king martin birthday, 3 days break.....many of my friends went vegas, i had some plan to flagstaff this sunday with few friends for snowboarding .......really counting my days now, about 61 days left in arizona.....im going back sg for good......my dad called me and told me, my COE bid is successful, i got it at 5001, so when im back in sg in march....my new car is avaliable for me.

Going back sg will be facing reality, no more carefree life for me, so many high rise buildings, i hate it......i like open land....nice fresh air......since i will get my car in march....i will explored around in sg and find where is the most relaxing place....maybe east coast park? where i can go picnic with some friends or maybe future love ones.....it will be great saturday or sunday pitch a tent and stay there for a night.....so relaxing.

I need to start planning if i really wana stay in big bird for long.....this 2009 is for me to decide, i also wonder will i get my "hello kitty" this year or maybe next year....cause it is a bonus.....going back to sg seems happy for me but also seems sad....cause i will miss here.

It will be great back again to see my friends, family and ppl i like.....i wonder what my chances are? i know when im back, i really need to work hard more....really miss that bkk trip....kind of miss that person too....i wana meet back all my friends that i had not seen for long time....everyone....!

2009-01-15T13:11:00.000-08:00

幸福小语

我要的幸福，是不是你? 答案: 是

2009-01-14T01:58:00.000-08:00

My early morning thought before sleep

3am now, i just back from work and supper ... i kind of really like this week team work, got alvin,jason,philip,kelvin,joe,fabian,daoli,ah ho and me.....a few of us like jason and kelvin like to de siao alvin....he is actually our shi fu, the one who actually teach us things about big bird from scratch....one word that can describe him, fun loving....always that brotherly love.....this 2 days i keep giving that $3.50 face to him, i telll him i shi lian la.....no mood....then he keep saying then how? we had form a kind of language of mixing the hokkien,chinese and english together...plus some taiwanese style of talking.....we always scold each other bi zui lah, diam lah.....then got that ang moh accent lolx.

we formed a good team work actually, after our work while waiting for other ppls to complete their work, went to spar table tennis with my up coming opponent AA and wpn guys....i beat the number 3 seed of the AA guy....but lose to the number 2 seed....maybe because of my impatient attack....kns, today i sprain my right shoulder again...use too much force...

Next saturday, we are having our chinese new year celebration, this is the 3rd time im celebrating chinese new year in states.....actually i like more it here, we have world poker tournament , mahjong king tournament and table tennis competition going on.....my 3rd time joining the mahjong king competition, hope this 2009 i will win! lolx first prize 288 usd! chinese new year dinner also on the night.....plus our 3d toto games.It will be lots of fun!

Went supper with philip and kelvin just now, it is waffer house! kelvin and philip both sold their car to ang moh during dec period.....left me still holding on to my ford escort zx2...im going to sell to patrick end of the month.....while driving to waffer house, philip was at the back seat, he mentioned that so fast 2 years 3 mth in arizona is going to a end for us, 3 of us came here dec 2006....and now is already 2009.....that year when we just landed, we were so blur....we had some culture shock of the american....now we even blend into them.

This 2 years i really mature alot in terms of thinking, lessons happened here made me grow up and learn...at first when i first came here, i was really lousy....i have no confident in doing big bird tasks....i knew somehow ppl will look down on me....i accept the scoldings for doing wrong things...i learnt throught my hard ways....i use my humble way to fight throught this 2 years....i learnt alot....and im confident that im not scare of any ang moh QA"police"....i knew what they are trying to test us...because i been throught alot here.Now im kind of a senior here, i did not act "gen" , i still try my best to teach my junior here if i know how to do the task.

2008 that realtionship with julie also made me growth up.....it really put my emotion into a test....scold me stupid or naive whatever you guys want....i knew at first we are impossible, because she is married and she is a libra too....maybe of physical attraction and loneliness hit us together....i still cling to it.....im really hurt, because the tears that fall is true.....fate let us met and also let us part...the 82 days spent together is really a memories for me into my CMemories.

counting down 66 days left in arizona....i will miss the fun actions of working we had here....this 2 years here, i played 3 kind of character....one is the xiao hei that everyone knows here, like to play ping pong, like to gamble mahjong....second is the chuan ming that julie know for 82 days, the warm hearted guy who treat her more like a princess than a lover, third is the jerson always at here and there in florida,vegas, singapore,japan,everywhere.Im kind of tired in travelling,need a break, need a rest,no more flying for me.

I will miss my road trips to vegas, LA....with my friends.....this coming saturday, we are going to flagstaff for some snowboarding actions ...maybe we are going to grand canyon tooo.....this will be my last time snowboard here....i really wana go...i brought a extra ticket from alvin for 58 bucks....im sure going this weekend.....that slogan "excuse me if i kiss the sky" by one of the famous snowboarder...

I think philip is drunk while we driving back from supper, he keep saying my love stories is very nice to hear....dunno is my love life suay or ming zhong zu di i will not get a nice gf or ever will i meet one? he keep asking me to ask ah liew wife to intro gf to me....lolx....really laugh until i siao, he think liew's wife is marriage center....then he say nvm, he introduced his biao mei to me.....arghhhhhhhhhh, no....i dun want all these introduce....maybe i should learn from my batch boy, zhi qiang that time when he was drunk....he said something, "why i so old liao, still dun have gf"? because he said this word....pengzzz he became the 1st guy among us to get marry and have baby....hahahha...so funny in 2003.

I have decided this 2009 if i fail to chase the capricorn i want...i will not really wana to find anyone anymore.....tired liao..."sim bo lat" lolx.....i will take a 2 weeks leave....will go thailand find a travelling monk, follow the teacher walk some distance and fulfill one of my wish to become a monk this life....maybe is to repay my past karma.....since 2003 till now....those girls who had made used of me, treat me bad....maybe the last life i own them....this life i repay them....they included jinyen,amy and julie....shuffle off my hands....i no more own u girls....i had my sufferings.How many more girls going to take revenge on me this life? lolx, i dunno.....i just know i have a tao hua life.....this is that lady master told me in 2006....i need someone to earth me down....earth signs or water signs to hit some plantation on me.

2009-01-13T01:29:00.000-08:00

Dishearted by a message, lolx lolx lolx

dishearted, why am i feeling this? i was working big bird the whole night, it is still 12 jan but over back in sg already 13 jan, im counting each hours passing by, cause i wanted to give fel a surprise, yes i ordered a 1.7kg chinese zodiac dragon birthday cake for her and will deliever to her house, im counting when will the cake arrived to her house.

I just wana make her feel happy, i already plan everything before this 2009 new year, my vegas trip 1 week plus ago.....my main objective was to buy a birthday present for her....but in the end, i donated a few "birthday present" to palace station casino hotel instead...hahhaha.....i got the birthday present and kelvin went to send the birthday present with me, because of the present, i was late for the paint ball games.....had to treat 97 ppls for breakfast.....

im happy that i can make ppl happy, after my tiring work, i started my car and prepare to go back to my desert garden, i saw 1 miss call and 1 sms from sg, it was from fel.....she called me, from that miss call, i knew the cake had arrived to her house.She messaged me thanks very much for the cake, she so touched ,her mum was the one who recieved the birthday cake, because she is working at that moment.....i smile while driving because i knew the feeling of being happy and the feeling of suprise is so nice....alittle bit of warm and sweet i guess.

When i reached home, saw my msn, it was fel nudge me a few times.....i saw fel msn nick, that thank you MR I. sunken my heart just like a sudden depressurization of the heart.....sunk in.....i guess that MR I. is Mr virgo she had been mentioning to me before.....the feeling is like playing soccer, let ppl score the first goal withing the first 2 minutes of the game....1-0! how about Mr Taurus here? yeah she thanks very so much, very much.....after awhile, i saw my name in her msn nick just beside MR I.....im also included in the thanks for everythings Mr I., jerson......is it a 1-1 draw now? i guess MR I had also done something special in order to achieve his name in the score sheet.

Anyway, i knew where i stand, i just wana make the person i like happy.....same like julie, if she asked me to let her go and she will be real happy, im gald to be happy too for her.....at least i score a goal in fel now....althought im not the first scorer, but im still inside that score sheet.....i just wana make it clear that i dun do these actions for anyone.....i only do for special ppl.....as long as she is happy, im happy too....this is the thing i learnt recently....is to really give and take feeling.

Anyway happy birthday to fel, hope she enjoyed the specially made dragon birthday cake by emicake, share it with her family members, thanks sister marziel for helping me organising the sending of the cake to fel's house.Hope the birthday present that i sent from here will reach to fel within this week....that present is actually the thing she saw and like at bangkok airport.....sweet right?

2009-01-12T14:08:00.000-08:00

TAURUS Man

I read my new astrology books yesterday before i cover my blanket to sleep, the book by robin mac naughton, sun sign personality guide is so accurate.It really stated some true facts about me.I will extract some from it.

" The taurus you,you are stable and seek the foundation of all experience.you profit most highly from deeply committed love relationships that are warm and secure.In love, you tends to be romantic, but not one that hovers in the clouds.As you stand in the shadows waiting for the object of your affection to get tired of her man of the moment,you sometimes let other females pass you by until the shadows become your domicile"

That phrase is so accurate, im just like that. Just like the only soldier guarding my castle,even if i die, i will spray my blood over the walls of the castle, my loyalty being one, as a soldier,lover, son .

I may seen stupid alone guarding the castle, because of my natural stubborness in me, i rather die than knee down in front of my enemy, i dun want to let my life being own by my enemy.....even the last stroke of my sword that kill one or two....the last war cry tears will fall only after im defeat on the ground.

If the thing or person i want is worth waiting, i will wait patiently....i will see other colourful things and beautiful persons as dull....in my eyes only that thing or person sparks me....my concentration is only at that 15 degree spot.

23 to 25 jan of 2009 will be the most luckiest day of 2009, i wana make a wish that day, i hope the person i like pay alittle bit of attention to me, just 300 secs, lolx....so simple and easy.

J e r s o n 一个喜欢回忆的男生， 我的独家回忆 my CMemories

J e r s o n 一个喜欢回忆的男生，我的独家回忆 my CMemories